Subspace in the Hobby.

[SA Angel]

So I was wondering has anyone (hobbyist or provider) felt that the ability to get into subspace was detrimental to their own safety?

For example a sub could let their dom accidently cause physical harm because their pain is deadened. I can see this happening especially with newer dommes/doms. Or the sub becomes suggestible and way too drawn in before trust has been built.

I've been guilty of both......thankfully not in the hobby. But the idea of that happening is a fear I have as I explore this world.

Has this happened to anyone in the hobby? How did you deal with it?

[Doglegg]

Angel,

I had hoped to see a few replies either from Doms/Dommes or subs to your very relevant query.

Since you received none publicly, I can only hope you received suggestions or information privately.

Dogg

[Doglegg]

It really is a shame that no one has offered any input to this young lady's questions.

How do you, as a Dom or Domme ensure limits are in place to keep your sub from becoming consumed by his or her desire to serve or please when the behavior of serving can become self destructive?

Subs - what have you done to ensure your servitude is compartmentalized and does not infringe on RW?

I believe the key to being a 'Good' Dom/Domme is to always have the best interest of sub in your forward mind as each event takes place.

As the Dom/Domme demonstrates that the sub's best interests are always foremost, the Dom/Domme should earn the sub's trust.

As trust and sub best interest are directly related as more trust is earned the role of responsibility must become greater.

But then WTFDIK, I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn last night.

Professional and or Practicing Dom/Dommes and subs please comment with your viewpoints/experiences.

I would really like this young lady to know her place in subspace.

Dogg

[houston_switch]

I play very heavy at times with folks I have complete trust in... yes subspace while fantastic, will leave you vulnerable, that is why the DOM needs to always be aware of where the sub is... always checking while playing... it is the DOMs responsibility to ensure the safety of the sub. Just my $.02.

[Ms. Athena]

Trust is the key, sometime I can reach this level in our first playtime, sometimes not. I always explain to a sub that giving me their power to please them is Pleasing me. This seems to allow them to relax more as they know then that I am being pleasured even though I am the one working to take them to a higher pleasure level.

[*GoddessDallas*]

I have been a Domme for over 3 DECADES.
It isn't about sex...it is all about CONTROL, and "reading" the submissive.
After doing sessions for as long as I have it is just second nature for me.

[ElisabethWhispers]

To answer your question, I've been in both situations.

I've had clients who are in another world just want more and more and more and I've had to put a stop to it. Often, it has to do with completely fisting someone.

They're in the moment, it's getting close ... but I have to make the decision to stop because I just don't think it will work.

In the reverse of things, I've been in a situation where I've been so enthralled at the moment, and the man that I was with was so in control and it was so overwhelmingly hot, that afterwards (or during, really), I've thought that this person could kill me and I would be completely helpless to stop him.

One thing that I NEVER do is that I don't allow myself to be tied up. (OK. There were those 2 times but I'm not counting them!) And being gagged is a hard limit.

I do think that for a female, for the escort, it's important to know that you're in control of the situation. And you have a moral (yes, I used the right word) obligation to keep your submissive in a safe place, emotionally and physically, while you're doing what you're doing.

It's part of the rules of this type of play.

Hope this helps. And I say this to ALL sex workers, always remember to be in charge, or at least act like it if you can, during your appointments.

I'm not saying be a bitch. Or be rude. But it's your space. Your body. Your rules.

It's not as simple as it sounds to find that balance. But most of us develop it with some time.

Let us know if you have any other questions! And it's very nice to see you posting in Another Realm!!!

Yeah. A new poster!

Best,
Elisabeth

[ElisabethWhispers]

Originally Posted by Doglegg

Angel,

I had hoped to see a few replies either from Doms/Dommes or subs to your very relevant query.

Since you received none publicly, I can only hope you received suggestions or information privately.

Dogg

It's summer. And although I'm a moderator in this forum, I'll admit to not checking into the topics as closely as I usually do.

Besides, for the most part, this is the most well behaved group of people posting here that are on the whole board!!!

So I've been skimming a lot.

I hope that more people will comment and give their perspectives. It's the end of the summer, though. A lot of people are just really busy getting ready for school and the fall season.

I did appreciate your comments and I hope to hear more from you! Thank you!

[Doglegg]

Thank you for the replies and I know that I would like to hear more advice.

I will not mention my age at the time, but I remember my first erotic dream was "odd".

In the dream my friends and I came upon a woman tied spread eagle between two trees and we could "do stuff" to her. Now realize I have no idea what that "stuff" was or even any events that may have precipitated that dream.

I suspect it was having watched the "Born Losers" movie at a drive-in.

Whatever was the cause of the dream, I remember waking up with my first ever morning wood.

To this day I still find being in control of a 'helpless' wench to be exhilarating.

Yet in the hobby, due to the nature of some 'members' and historical occurrences to providers, I completely understand the reluctance and unwillingness to be bound and made truly helpless.

Realizing this, when I have found someone willing to 'play' I ensure they test and can release the restraints and that they know they can stop at anytime.

My Dominance is more of ensuring that the sub understands her place and that she pleases me when she follows the rules and the instructions to a 'T'.

Any violations are dealt with through out of comfort zone experiences, not through spankings. Subs often misbehave in order to be punished, especially spankings if the sub likes spankings.

A spanking would then be a positive reward and encourage the sub towards further misbehavior. Unacceptable.

A sub should be spanked when she has performed well, as this is her reward.

My last experience, the sub kept breaking one of the rules and wanted a spanking as punishment.

Instead, her punishment was to go obtain another female for me. This was quite embarrassing to her (outside of her comfort zone).

The punishment was the fact that she would have to share my attention and as she wanted my dick, she had to share that as well.

I may have failed as a Dom in ensuring that she understood the total punishment, as she and the female found an immediate attraction and I became amazed and just watched.

I do know that I owe the sub a spanking as she performed admirably throughout the evening.

I do encourage more discussion concerning the sub space topic, as I have a lot to learn, and I am sure Angel would appreciate feedback as well.

Cheers.

[Zhivago52]

Great topic.

When in Dom mode, I am the owner and therefore the steward, of my sub's body and mind. I am her tour guide to ensure she gets to the place she needs to be.

That said, we always discuss limits beforehand. It's a balancing act. Leave her short of taking her where she wants to go, it's a big disappointment. Go too far, and it can affect trust.

I seek to find that balance and perhaps push beyond an edge....to ensure her journey is complete. That said, I am her owner and steward, and seek to give her a good experience such that we can venture forth again.