S&M Becoming a Dominatrix

[HeatherNicole]

Personally I think the best best Dominants have at some point been in a submissive role. I don't think you should ever do something to someone else unless you know what it feels like. If you have tasted the strokes of a whip, flogger, tens unit, paddle or whatever else you have a better and more personal understanding of what it is you are doing. You know what emotion and sensation every little bit of it is.

[AidanRedd]

The secret to being being a real dominatrix is: being a mean bad alpha bitch by nature. Most of us are too sweet by nature and playing that role really takes some work. S&M isn't just fucking a guy with a strap on or giving some licks with a flogger or paddle.

There is a wonderful S&M kink community in Houston. You almost should be a Master Dom's sub in your personal life to truly understand what it means to be a Pro Domme for your clients.

HeatherNicole is dead on with her post. You can't really do onto others unless you know what it's like. Some guys can't go home with certain marks, you have to know what that threshold is.

[Krunkman]

Originally Posted by AidanRedd

The secret to being being a real dominatrix is: being a mean bad alpha bitch by nature. Most of us are too sweet by nature and playing that role really takes some work. S&M isn't just fucking a guy with a strap on or giving some licks with a flogger or paddle.

There is a wonderful S&M kink community in Houston. You almost should be a Master Dom's sub in your personal life to truly understand what it means to be a Pro Domme for your clients.

HeatherNicole is dead on with her post. You can't really do onto others unless you know what it's like. Some guys can't go home with certain marks, you have to know what that threshold is.

Gotta disagree with you there Aidan. A person who wants to be dominant (or submissive) needs to work with their strengths and desires and minimize their weakness. I've met a number of dommes who never, ever raise their voice or demean you or anything of that sort. But they also leave no question that they are the one in charge.

When you get into commercial prodomme work, the most successful dommes work with their clients requests, needs and interests - to an extent. Clients are the customers, and if you don't make your client happy, they don't come back. I think anyone who looks out there for the prodomme ads and sees "come to me worm! you are nothing! blah-blah-blah". My experience is that these are the calling card of the domme who is not very business savvy. The ones that make a real living (and indeed I know a few - even one that was so successful she parlayed what she did into being a sex educator and headlines fetish balls around the world) treat it like a business. They are polite, professional, and know that all this is a fantasy. That's not to say they don't whip out the uber domme moves when appropriate and necessary. But they aren't out there trying to be a bitch because that's what people think a domme is.

[AidanRedd]

Your right Krunkman. The point I was making is that many girls are just too sweet by nature to really bring it. That is when it can become more "work" than it's worth. Many of the GFE girls here in Austin can't really bring that element to the table even when they are being paid quit a bit extra. I know this from experience when bringing various different girls with me on these types of sessions. No one wants a mean women in a bad mood who can't control their emotions to be striking on you.

The woman you are speaking of I'm pretty sure is the same women who is a very dear friend of mine.

[Krunkman]

Yeah, if the situation calls for a bitch in leather, and the girl in question can't reach down and summon her inner bitch... it does make it hard to get that domination feeling across to your clients. Had that been me, I would have probably played that as 'good dom - bad dom' sort of thing. Which with the right partners can be really fun for everyone!

If you are doing this professionally, its always good to know that sort of thing in advance. Sucks to have surprises like that...

[Smith99]

Let's see: her legs were trembling with excitement and even though she thoroughly sucked and kissed them better, my nipples are still killing me! ...she's learning, just saying!!!

[captnzen]

There are some wonderfully respected dommes in the Houston area (check out the boards on Max Fisch)...some have had their own message board on MF and it's obvious...they know their stuff. I'm sure an opportunity for tutelage will be there with one of them. There's a reason the category of Switch is part of the bdsm world. There are many providers, hobbyists, bdsm fans and the like who brilliantly can access the skills to be many things to many people depending on a given situation.

[tonysnowkellogs]

Looking for ballbuster in houston. Something like to try. Life is short and love to explore ye have limits one cant handle or quit like a safe word.

[RoxyG]

Originally Posted by tonysnowkellogs

Looking for ballbuster in houston. Something like to try. Life is short and love to explore ye have limits one cant handle or quit like a safe word.

Barefoot, boots, or stilettos?

[tracer]

Originally Posted by RoxyDDD

Barefoot, boots, or stilettos?

Yes, please

[lovesbustyblondes]

Originally Posted by jasmin

They aren't made, they are born....Bubbly won't cut it. Nature makes us what we are and what we are not. You can't GFE and DOM.

For the love of all things holy and naughty please do not listen to this utterly terrible advice from an obviously clueless about this subject and very narrow minded guy.

I have been in the BDSM scene and was a human sexuality researcher and radio show host on this topic. Plus, I still am a TOP/DOM lover and trainer of 13 years.

I've helped to teach and train several newbie/novice woman become either submissives or pro-Domme's (no sexual services offered, strictly D/S) all over the country.

So I can say with 1000% certainty NO domme's, dominatrix’s, masters or tops are NOT born that way and usually quite the opposite in fact. I sure as hell wasn't born a TOP or was that way in any shape or form during high school or college.

Yes, bubbly can cut it (and thrive actually) and the best and most successful pro domme's (not providers) I know are happy, warm and friendly women by nature. They can flip the bitch switch when required and then watch the hell out.

I think this guy was watching way too many Animal Planet re-runs when he said, "nature makes us what we are and what we are not."

WOW I'm speechless! I weep for humanity with thinking (or complete lack of it) like this.

This Neanderthal type of senseless logic comes from the same inbred bible thumbing crazies that truly believe that gay people "chose" to be gay and then through prayer you can un-choose to be gay as long as you try really really hard.

Like all of us straight people just "chose" to be straight one day and then you (The Gay Mafia) can simply convert us all to being gay by that same prayer thingy!

"You can't GFE and DOM." Again a totally obscene stupid statement.

Maybe to this one guy the GFE and a DOMME provider experience can't be mutually present together. Which to each his own.

For one the term "DOM" he uses is a male terminology not a female one in BDSM. Domme, Dominatrix, Mistress or Top are the proper female titles to use.

BDSM isn't defined by anyone person, act or event. BDSM is what YOU and whoever you're playing with (for free or pay) or in a BDSM relationship with make it to be and mean.

BDSM doesn't have ANY set limits, definitions or boundaries. That's what makes it the ultimate sexual rabbit hole.

Real healthy and honest BDSM is simply always three things...
SAFE
SANE
CONSENSUAL

Other than that BDSM can't be defined or encompassed by simple words or actions.

Two cents

BL

[LondonSub]

Thanks for the insight lbb. As a sub, I still consider myself a newbie to this so it's cool to hear from someone who has some experience in this realm.

[LeilaBanks]

Originally Posted by lovesbustyblondes

For the love of all things holy and naughty please do not listen to this utterly terrible advice from an obviously clueless about this subject and very narrow minded guy.

I have been in the BDSM scene and was a human sexuality researcher and radio show host on this topic. Plus, I still am a TOP/DOM lover and trainer of 13 years.

I've helped to teach and train several newbie/novice woman become either submissives or pro-Domme's (no sexual services offered, strictly D/S) all over the country.

So I can say with 1000% certainty NO domme's, dominatrix’s, masters or tops are NOT born that way and usually quite the opposite in fact. I sure as hell wasn't born a TOP or was that way in any shape or form during high school or college.

Yes, bubbly can cut it (and thrive actually) and the best and most successful pro domme's (not providers) I know are happy, warm and friendly women by nature. They can flip the bitch switch when required and then watch the hell out.

I think this guy was watching way too many Animal Planet re-runs when he said, "nature makes us what we are and what we are not."

WOW I'm speechless! I weep for humanity with thinking (or complete lack of it) like this.

This Neanderthal type of senseless logic comes from the same inbred bible thumbing crazies that truly believe that gay people "chose" to be gay and then through prayer you can un-choose to be gay as long as you try really really hard.

Like all of us straight people just "chose" to be straight one day and then you (The Gay Mafia) can simply convert us all to being gay by that same prayer thingy!

"You can't GFE and DOM." Again a totally obscene stupid statement.

Maybe to this one guy the GFE and a DOMME provider experience can't be mutually present together. Which to each his own.

For one the term "DOM" he uses is a male terminology not a female one in BDSM. Domme, Dominatrix, Mistress or Top are the proper female titles to use.

BDSM isn't defined by anyone person, act or event. BDSM is what YOU and whoever you're playing with (for free or pay) or in a BDSM relationship with make it to be and mean.

BDSM doesn't have ANY set limits, definitions or boundaries. That's what makes it the ultimate sexual rabbit hole.

Real healthy and honest BDSM is simply always three things...
SAFE
SANE
CONSENSUAL

Other than that BDSM can't be defined or encompassed by simple words or actions.

Two cents

BL

+1

I also agree with Heather, I am a Pro Dominatrix & a GFE provider so I guess you can be both. I began as a Domme & just a few years ago became a provider for my own personal sexual gain. I have been in the Lifestyle over 8 years & started out as a sub. Alot of dungeons/playspaces will not hire you as a Domme but start you out as a sub so you can experience what it is like to be on the other end of the paddle. I personally still to this day will try my new equipment on myself to ensure proper use in my sessions.

There's plenty of Dommes out there & no 2 are the same & you will find your own speciality as you research, reseach, research. You might even want to just specialize in fetish which doesn't require to much sadism. I specialize in sensual dominance but also provide sessions where I'm a sadistic bitch & I know for sure my client can't tell I'm an bubbly ex pompom captain or that I cry during romantic movies. It's called role playing (acting). I wish you good luck at being the best Domme you choose to be.

[lovesbustyblondes]

Originally Posted by LondonSub

Thanks for the insight lbb. As a sub, I still consider myself a newbie to this so it's cool to hear from someone who has some experience in this realm.

No problem LondonSub.

[lovesbustyblondes]

Originally Posted by LeilaBanks

+1

I also agree with Heather, I am a Pro Dominatrix & a GFE provider so I guess you can be both. I began as a Domme & just a few years ago became a provider for my own personal sexual gain. I have been in the Lifestyle over 8 years & started out as a sub. Alot of dungeons/playspaces will not hire you as a Domme but start you out as a sub so you can experience what it is like to be on the other end of the paddle. I personally still to this day will try my new equipment on myself to ensure proper use in my sessions.

There's plenty of Dommes out there & no 2 are the same & you will find your own speciality as you research, reseach, research. You might even want to just specialize in fetish which doesn't require to much sadism. I specialize in sensual dominance but also provide sessions where I'm a sadistic bitch & I know for sure my client can't tell I'm an bubbly ex pompom captain or that I cry during romantic movies. It's called role playing (acting). I wish you good luck at being the best Domme you choose to be.

"your lover, your cook, your sexual therapist..."

@LeilaBanks

You COOK too?

How can you still be single? LOL!

BL