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DarthDVader · 01-12-2014, 08:46 PM

Jessica ... you can change anyone's hobby perspective in a minute ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by jessica

I think having a connection is Key to having fun in this hobby!!! Well... at least at my age...lol!!!
I crave the touch of a man and when I meet someone that craves to be touched.....LOOK OUT!!!
IT IS ON!!!

Guest010719-1 · 01-13-2014, 08:45 AM

Thank you!!!!

Guests021916 · 01-13-2014, 01:48 PM

No....... thank you Jessica for inspiring poetry and many pages of romance letters and countless dreams......

Guest010719-1 · 01-13-2014, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by diddleman

No....... thank you Jessica for inspiring poetry and many pages of romance letters and countless dreams......

I will always try my best...lol!!

Rehke · 01-16-2014, 10:04 AM

"It's always something."

Words my grandfather lived by when it came to his view on saving money. Being that there's always something that happens that you need a little money to get you through and so one should save as much as possible.

And one more thing I think I can really point to in the hobby that ties in very well with this.

We all have something happen in life. Hell, I got laid off last week. No biggie, it's happened before and I have enough liquidity to deal with my obligations for a good period of time before I have to look into dipping into other assets. Cars break down, houses need maintenance, people get sick. It's a fact of life that there is always something going on, regardless of your circumstances.

Like mistakes, I think life is about how we deal with that.

To generalize, there are two types of people. Those who are prepared to deal with these issues in some way as a normal part of life and those who panic and trip along from one emergency to the next.

For me, my involvement with various providers at various times has really pointed out the differences between those types.

In my life, I've been dirt, stinking, literally poor. I've also clawed my way out of that. I've been poor enough to pawn shit, donate plasma, and find other creative ways to get at least a few bucks to make it to whatever came next. I've been financially self-responsible since around 14-15. I know what it is to scrape by.

So when I see others in similar situations, I've got a pretty good idea of what the challenges are. And I find it very interesting to watch the decisions that people can make that keep them stuck in that trap.

And then there are those who manage to find some way to do as I did and find some way to navigate through their emergencies and problems and still make efforts to meet their obligations.

Speaking purely from personal observation and anecdotal evidence, I think I'm safe to say that the majority of providers fall into the category of tripping along from one emergency to the next. For them, every day is some new emergency, some new drama, some new thing or continuation of some thing that keeps them beat down.

A lot of this stems from their own choices. Substances, "helping" "friends", choices in boyfriends, looking at the short term "now" rather than being able to deal with some short-term pain versus a longer-term advantage.

Mind you, not a characteristic limited to providers. A LOT of people do this.

But it comes down to this...it's always something. There's always some reason or excuse or something going on that lets you know that a lot in life is not under your personal control. That in many ways luck or random chance really does play a lot larger role in our lives than we like to think.

Behavioral Economics has a lot to reveal about how people make choices and weigh probabilities. The most interesting is how many things influence people to make statistically inconsistent choices.

Professional gamblers come to mind. In a world where the odds are weighted in favor of the house, some people are able to deal with the situations and actually make enough to live. In my own life, I've been lucky enough to have a knack for making choices that turn out well in the long run.

A long time ago a martial arts instructor once told me that martial arts is about 90% pure luck. The other 10% is training and other factors. It's the same thing. Whatever is going on, however random life is, making good choices increases your personal odds of living well, whatever happens.

The other interesting factor is the ability to leverage something fortunate happening in your life. Multiple times, someone has entered my life and given me a chance to do something. The mere fact that I'm not too concerned about my employment situation has a lot to do with being given a chance to tackle an entirely new career almost 20 years ago.

Between being caught up in the short-term panic and being unable to leverage the advantage of something positive happening in their lives, it's really unfortunate the circumstances most providers find themselves trapped in.

And they make it worse on themselves when they are so caught up in the panic of needing so much so immediately that they cannot meet obligations they have made when someone has tried to help them through something in the past.

For the men who do nothing but try to take advantage of this, I have nothing but contempt. The world is a shitty enough place without piling it on. It is one thing to decide to limit one's involvement. It is quite another to beat on someone who is down for your own gain.

But girls, it's always something. It always will be. Learn to deal with it. Learn to look at things in the long-term and deal with your obligations. Learn to take care of the people who truly take care of you and are willing to honestly take some risks for you.

And guys, know that if you are the kind who finds it easy to help someone, that you are facing rather long odds. Most people are simply unwilling to learn from the experiences of another versus taking on the task of looking at the fact that what they are doing simply is not working. Too many are caught in the idea that they must make their own mistakes and do it on their own.

Here's the thing about that idea...human learning has not advanced because of re-inventing the wheel. It's advanced by building on the knowledge of others. Otherwise we'd be living in caves still. You can learn from others, and then adjust that knowledge to suit yourself and build on it in your own personal way and add to it.

"It's always something..."

Guest092216 · 01-16-2014, 10:31 AM

Good points.

I think there are a lot of people like this. Hell, i've been battling the crud/flu cycle in my home for the better part of a month (last leg being me the past week and a half). Just when I thought I am in clear - BAM! Son has another low-grade fever this morning after over a month of being fine (he was the first to get sick right before the ice storm). And now i have to cancel one of my first ones back and I haven't heard back to let them know i can't meet so yes I'm kinda freaking out, but I digress...). I broke down and asked for help yesterday from someone I know is able but quickly turned back from the edge bc I hate asking for help more than I hate feeling in need of it.

Its really all about perception. I think money makes people feel more secure and when there is a rip in the 'net' everything else becomes heavier. Money provides a false sense of security for those that don't have much of it and I can totally identify with that notion. I grew up poor and I feel a whole lot more at ease about life in general when my back account is smiling. When funds get low, I totally have the tendency to freak out. I've learned not to and remembered how I used to get by on way less but ignoring that nagging feeling does take a conscious effort.

Damn I hope my person gets back to me soon.

Edit: such a shitty feeling to have to cancel at the last minute. Ugh!

Also wanted to add to that "helpless/emergency" scenario.. I have a regular "client" (not sure that applies bc he is more of a mentor type) who I met before I ever started providing. We have continued to see each other even after I told him I began providing. Considering the level of understanding we have attained over time I am able to appreciate the "power" he enjoys over me when he helps me. Its a huge turn on for someone like me who is often too proud to ask for help. Its hard to explain but I wanted to offer that into the discussion. Hopefully it made sense.

daveindallas · 01-16-2014, 11:15 AM

Well said Rehke.
It IS always something, and when you are already living paycheck to paycheck,
Those "something's" effect tends to be magnified.
A car repair when you are sitting
Pretty is an inconvenience. When you may or
May not have enough money to pay for it, and have no family or friends to lean on,
The effects can be devastating .
When you are poor, just when you feel you are making strides to get back on track,
Something happens and you are in crisis mode.
And since things
"Happen" all the time, this is repeated over and over.
That can wear on you mentally and affect how you look at the world.
And how you look at the world, and others, is the critical factor,
When it comes to getting ahead.

Sorry to hear of your troubles Nurse.
It is always hard to ask friends for help.
True friends are the ones who will be there with you
When they would rather be anywhere else.
If you have one , lean on them.
They may need you one day, and won't think twice
About helping.
We can't go it alone. No one can.

I have been homeless after a business failure , slept in my car for longer than I care to admit, and had friends turn their back on me.
Life can be hard. It can be wonderful .

Rehke · 01-16-2014, 11:39 AM

THN:

Yeah, I get what you're saying. Generally I try to keep things on a clear quid pro quo so that there is not the temptation to abuse the power of obligation. I prefer to set a clear and limited expectation. That also gives me a way to measure the true usefulness of my actions versus enabling.

Dave,

Yeah, I have a lot of those t-shirts too. For the providers, it's often living from appointment to appointment. Same thing, different technicalities, but I am hoping this will help some of them re-evaluate how they are living.

Many years ago, the first time I was laid off around Xmas, I did some side work for a few people that basically kept my bills paid. They really did me a solid and to this day, I still do work for one of them at the same rate I did 20 years ago. And I don't bill every minute I take a look at things and keep them up to date. For the same work, I might charge another 2-3X the rate this guy gets.

He did me a solid by giving me work when I needed it, and quite a bit of it. He's got his rate locked in for life. And, even though I haven't kept in touch with the others, they also have that rate for life. When they knew I needed work, they are the ones who also had me make business cards and helped me find even more work.

That is how you take care of someone who helps you, IMO.

Guest112814 · 01-16-2014, 01:55 PM

Wow. Not "wow" the the content but the length, I have no idea of what he said - I dozed off after the 3rd paragraph. I must be swimming at the shallow end of this intellectual pool. I want to see boobies and butts!

Rehke · 01-16-2014, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EasyLover214

Wow. Not "wow" the the content but the length, I have no idea of what he said - I dozed off after the 3rd paragraph. I must be swimming at the shallow end of this intellectual pool. I want to see boobies and butts!

That's assuming you're deep enough to be actually swimming! ;-p

(short enough a comeback for ya?)

DarthDVader · 01-16-2014, 08:02 PM

Good ponts Rehke ... its real life and no one is free of its ups and downs ...
and Nurse, Im in this one with Dave ... real friends are always for you no matter what ...
I can't see myself exercising power over the need of someone specially with money and more so if its a woman...

I have a very wealthy friend that has driven himself to a lonely place because of that ...
He frequently uses this illustration: "There was a man so poor, so poor, so poor, that the only thing he had was money ..."

I appreciate people like Bill Gates that understand wealth as a mean to achieve a purpose and a role in benefitting others in need by creating help organizations ...

Today for you ... tomorrow for me ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by thathottnurse

Considering the level of understanding we have attained over time I am able to appreciate the "power" he enjoys over me when he helps me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by daveindallas

It is always hard to ask friends for help.
True friends are the ones who will be there with you
When they would rather be anywhere else.
If you have one , lean on them.
They may need you one day, and won't think twice
About helping.
We can't go it alone. No one can.

Guest092216 · 01-17-2014, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarthDVader

Good ponts Rehke ... its real life and no one is free of its ups and downs ...
and Nurse, Im in this one with Dave ... real friends are always for you no matter what ...
I can't see myself exercising power over the need of someone specially with money and more so if its a woman...

I have a very wealthy friend that has driven himself to a lonely place because of that ...
He frequently uses this illustration: "There was a man so poor, so poor, so poor, that the only thing he had was money ..."

I appreciate people like Bill Gates that understand wealth as a mean to achieve a purpose and a role in benefitting others in need by creating help organizations ...

Today for you ... tomorrow for me ...

Pretty sure this guy was willing to help me during a time when all my "real friends" had disappeared. Call it what you want but he has been there more times than I can count without any expectation of BCD activities. But giving him that "power" over me when we are BCD is my way of saying thank you bc I know he enjoys it.

DarthDVader · 01-22-2014, 01:49 PM

I am at my office, and usually close the door when I don't want distractions ...

Today, as soon as I logged in, I started thinking about many people I have met through the board and was wondering where did they go? what happened to them? how are they doing? ...
You get to know their stories and the personal challenges many face and care for them in some measure ...

Some are gone, some just stopped posting, disabled their account or guested it ... many new members come everyday and the atmosphere changes by the social phenomena caused by the people is posting the most ...
Not trying to judge the contents, but I can clearly read the reactions of such posts ...

... some hating, some loving
... some cheering, some criticizing
... some with good and some with bad intentions
... some just sit and look what is happening, not saying anything
... some cursing and calling names
... some hating engaging in endless posts that report 10,000 views or so ..

Some years ago I could care less, now I notice ...

An example of recent board changes is the "bbtony" phenomena now "pfmtony" that with his continuous posting, self proclaiming style, unleashed the rage of many here and for weeks it seemed that half of the posts were all about him ... even he managed to draw the attention to him by starting a poll about his popularity ...

The "wulfprincess" character, crazy, unleashed irreverent and irrelevant ... that seemed to be posting without proofing her writing ...

The "NearHauteRed", a new handle created by an already banned member with endless postings as well that was caught trying to take advantage of a situation playing the innocent ...

The auto-exiled "Tara" hated by many, and white-knigthed by an army to death ...

The "MyaMichelle" proud, self centered and presumptuous ...

The persistent trolls: "SweaterPuppies" "SweatterKittens" "Breasticles" etc etc etc etc etc etc...

My thoughts were, have we lost sight about the purpose of the information exchange and are enjoying more to sit, write, read, fight, laugh, mock, and repeat the drill everyday? without really fulfilling the purpose?

IDK ... just a thought

Rehke · 01-27-2014, 10:49 AM

In the end, I find that I do not enjoy where my experiences have led me and it's past time to leave. The hobby is destructive in many ways and I'm off to find a better level for myself.

Peace out and good luck to all. My request to close has been sent to the mods.

DarthDVader · 01-27-2014, 12:01 PM

im sorry to hear the way you feel ... Ill give you some thoughts later when not driving ...
Id like to buy you a beer tho ...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rehke

In the end, I find that I do not enjoy where my experiences have led me and it's past time to leave. The hobby is destructive in many ways and I'm off to find a better level for myself.

Peace out and good luck to all. My request to close has been sent to the mods.