The most recent Lesson in "Crossing the Line" - As the Holidays approach and lonliness sets in

[Whispers]

It's been happening for years.

It will happen for years to come.

Gentlemen.

We are in their lives for as long as we meet or exceed their financial needs. Honestly. Are any of us "Relationship Material"? Most of us cheat on the wives or girlfriends we have in our lives when we spend money on a lady here. There are some too shy for regular relationships that manage to schedule an appointment here and there. They are in our lives for as long as they capture our interest which usually equates to the time it takes for something shinier to come along.

They open their doors and their arms to us for the money we bring. And their need for that does not dissipate when we walk out the door. Before you get to your car and open the door she is checking her messages and preparing to make the next guy coming in feel just as special as you do. It's her job.

Are friendships formed along the way? Yeah. OF course. We are all human. Do relationships develop. On occasion they do. Do they last? Very seldom.

A good friend of mine looks at what I have and points out "It's Possible". Because I share my life with a young lady who I met when she had a financial need and was on the edge of dabbling in this life style. We connected and 15 months later I still wake up next to her every morning and when I do I simply say "Thank-you" to whatever deity brought her into my life.

But I am 55 and she is 22. I am old and round and she is young and beautiful. There WILL come a day when whatever needs I am meeting in her life will be replaced by a need in her to be with guys and gals her own age and it will be natural that at some point she moves on in her life. For now, I enjoy what I have.

At that time I hope I maintain the same mindset I have today and wish her well and manage to overcome my disappointment and see her move on with no regrets. I hope we will always be good and special friends.

A lot will depend on how I handle it.

It should be the same with all of you.

Men and women alike that allow their lives to touch here, both do so in very dysfunctional manners.

The latest here are two friends currently wanting to disparage each other. They moved beyond the normal Provider/Client Relationship and became friends. He got to thinking he was, in some way, special. She just put him in his place. Ugly.

Especially sine I know them both.

Two people, friends a week or so ago, are taking shots at each other in a public fashion.

I have preached and warned and counseled over and over and over during the years about avoiding relationships with those you meet along the way. I have always believed that they are doomed from the start. I've always considered myself to be well balanced and able to handle whatever comes along.

But can I handle what comes along in the mind of whatever lady I get involved in?

There is no telling.

I do know that a relationship with ME is not easy. She has to deal with knowing how often my phone rings or I get a text and it is some other young, pretty lady or a buddy wanting me to come hang out. In the back of her mind she knows that the money I spent on her was at one time or another spent on some other young lady. She knows how easy it is for me to find someone new.

And I know the same in regards to her. Every day she goes to school, on campus she is meeting guys and girls her own age, invited to parties and events she should naturally want to participate in.

The pressures created for two people that engage in this life style that try to come together outside of it are immense. Add Age Differences and physical characteristics and they become enormous.

It always boggles my mind when I see two people, already so dysfunctional, pairing up.

Then again, it has happened to me.

For those of you that this is about to happen to in the coming months...... Know that by Valentines Day, for MOST, it will be over.......

Be fair to each other and as it starts to unravel just communicate.....

But communicate by phone, text or email.

Not in a public fashion.

How many breakups occur EVERY day in real life? How many divorces? We SELDOM see or hear about them.

But it seems that EVERY friendship formed here, EVERY relationship developed here, ends up dissolving the most public manner.

It's sad.

[Mr Blonde]

I'm AM relationship material

[Qziz]

It's a good lesson. I've made a few friendships in the hobby, some of which have gone on for years. But of necessity they can't be that deep. Because as you note, I can't provide what they need - a stable, loyal companion/lifemate their own age. I'm usually older, I'm definitely rounder, and I also happen to be married and we don't live in Utah. The most I can provide is fun and games - but that's the basis of hanging out, not a relationship.

There is also the issue of your paying for their companionship. That's not something you can ever work past, in my experience. It is what it is. I don't have much of a problem with it because I tend to help my friends out regardless, and I also see it as a compensation for the fact that I can't offer much of a future to anyone I "date".

However, I've also grown to see that as part of establishing necessary boundaries as well. It makes how we stand very clear, after all. And given loneliness, affection, and how trivially we play at the heartstrings of ourselves and others - those boundaries are very necessary.

[The Rover]

Originally Posted by Whispers

Two people, friends 4 days ago , are taking shots at each other in a public fashion.

Be fair to each other and as it starts to unravel just communicate.....

But communicate by phone, text or email.

Not in a public fashion.

It's sad.

Yes , communication is key ! Unfortunately some cannot , instead they shut down , run away and hide . I for one always say what's on my mind , not always for the best . I tried my best to get the communication , when that failed it went down hill really fast ! Sorry for the public spectacle people .

[homer13]

Originally Posted by The Rover

Yes , communication is key ! Unfortunately some cannot , instead they shut down , run away and hide . I for one always say what's on my mind , not always for the best . I tried my best to get the communication , when that failed it went down hill really fast ! Sorry for the public spectacle people .

That's ok buddy, it wasn't the first time and it won't be the last.

[Jay Walker]

Originally Posted by Whispers

It's been happening for years.

It will happen for years to come.

Gentlemen.

We are in their lives for as long as we meet or exceed their financial needs. Honestly. Are any of us "Relationship Material"? Most of us cheat on the wives or girlfriends we have in our lives when we spend money on a lady here. There are some too shy for regular relationships that manage to schedule an appointment here and there. They are in our lives for as long as they capture our interest which usually equates to the time it takes for something shinier to come along.

They open their doors and their arms to us for the money we bring. And their need for that does not dissipate when we walk out the door. Before you get to your car and open the door she is checking her messages and preparing to make the next guy coming in feel just as special as you do. It's her job.

Are friendships formed along the way? Yeah. OF course. We are all human. Do relationships develop. On occasion they do. Do they last? Very seldom.

A good friend of mine looks at what I have and points out "It's Possible". Because I share my life with a young lady who I met when she had a financial need and was on the edge of dabbling in this life style. We connected and 15 months later I still wake up next to her every morning and when I do I simply say "Thank-you" to whatever deity brought her into my life.

But I am 55 and she is 22. I am old and round and she is young and beautiful. There WILL come a day when whatever needs I am meeting in her life will be replaced by a need in her to be with guys and gals her own age and it will be natural that at some point she moves on in her life. For now, I enjoy what I have.

At that time I hope I maintain the same mindset I have today and wish her well and manage to overcome my disappointment and see her move on with no regrets. I hope we will always be good and special friends.

A lot will depend on how I handle it.

It should be the same with all of you.

Men and women alike that allow their lives to touch here, both do so in very dysfunctional manners.

The latest here are two friends currently wanting to disparage each other. They moved beyond the normal Provider/Client Relationship and became friends. He got to thinking he was, in some way, special. She just put him in his place. Ugly.

Especially sine I know them both.

Two people, friends a week or so ago, are taking shots at each other in a public fashion.

I have preached and warned and counseled over and over and over during the years about avoiding relationships with those you meet along the way. I have always believed that they are doomed from the start. I've always considered myself to be well balanced and able to handle whatever comes along.

But can I handle what comes along in the mind of whatever lady I get involved in?

There is no telling.

I do know that a relationship with ME is not easy. She has to deal with knowing how often my phone rings or I get a text and it is some other young, pretty lady or a buddy wanting me to come hang out. In the back of her mind she knows that the money I spent on her was at one time or another spent on some other young lady. She knows how easy it is for me to find someone new.

And I know the same in regards to her. Every day she goes to school, on campus she is meeting guys and girls her own age, invited to parties and events she should naturally want to participate in.

The pressures created for two people that engage in this life style that try to come together outside of it are immense. Add Age Differences and physical characteristics and they become enormous.

It always boggles my mind when I see two people, already so dysfunctional, pairing up.

Then again, it has happened to me.

For those of you that this is about to happen to in the coming months...... Know that by Valentines Day, for MOST, it will be over.......

Be fair to each other and as it starts to unravel just communicate.....

But communicate by phone, text or email.

Not in a public fashion.

How many breakups occur EVERY day in real life? How many divorces? We SELDOM see or hear about them.

But it seems that EVERY friendship formed here, EVERY relationship developed here, ends up dissolving the most public manner.

It's sad.

While you're a bit discursive in making your point, it's a good point.

[JustJane]

Originally Posted by Qziz

and I also happen to be married and we don't live in Utah.

LMAO! Love your sense of humor!

[BADBOYFU]

Whispers and qziz,
Thank you for your sane advise. We are lucky to have people who have experience and have guided others. Thanks again

Happy Holidays

[LordBeaverbrook]

Thoughtful post containing a lot of wisdom. Thanks.

[Still Looking]

Originally Posted by Mr Blonde

I'm AM relationship material

[Mr Blonde]

Originally Posted by Still Looking

Ok...maybe not after what I did last night

[Still Looking]

Originally Posted by Mr Blonde

Ok...maybe not after what I did last night

Your killing me.....

[Frankie Satin]

Originally Posted by Qziz

It's a good lesson. I've made a few friendships in the hobby, some of which have gone on for years. But of necessity they can't be that deep. Because as you note, I can't provide what they need - a stable, loyal companion/lifemate their own age. I'm usually older, I'm definitely rounder, and I also happen to be married and we don't live in Utah. The most I can provide is fun and games - but that's the basis of hanging out, not a relationship.

There is also the issue of your paying for their companionship. That's not something you can ever work past, in my experience. It is what it is. I don't have much of a problem with it because I tend to help my friends out regardless, and I also see it as a compensation for the fact that I can't offer much of a future to anyone I "date".

However, I've also grown to see that as part of establishing necessary boundaries as well. It makes how we stand very clear, after all. And given loneliness, affection, and how trivially we play at the heartstrings of ourselves and others - those boundaries are very necessary.

Very well stated, couldn't agree more.

[Maxeen Monroe]

It's interesting because the something happened to me earlier in the year. The two people played a big part in it too. Karma maybe? Perhaps. Nonetheless, it was very public. Very nasty and very painful.

I did learn a lot from it though.

I needed a break from the board more than I knew. Once I took it I felt refreshed and balanced again. Perhaps she's just pulling back a bit so she can handle her move and balance her life again. If y'all were really friends then once she feels better she will be able to communicate better.

When you allow people close to you and it goes south in such a publoc way it is a reminder of how careful you have to be when allowing that. Even in the civie world. Can you have long-term friend/client relationships? Without a doubt. II am fortunate enough to have many. All the way from the beginning of my start here and still going strong. Just have to make sure you're smart about who you let close to you.

As far as women's methods of communicating... sometimes when I don't respond for a bit it's because I'm thinking everything through. I replay everything the other person said and remembering my own words. But the most important thing I'm doing is giving time for my emotions to cool. I can think and respond much better then. Perhaps she is or maybe not but it's a thought.

Forgive any spelling errors. I'm typing on my phone.

[The Rover]

Max , you're right we did play a part in that , I apologize . Karma maybe ? We were friends just a few days ago . However I believe the communication problem is a life long thing , and even if she were to start communicating soon , each day I am pushed farther and farther away . Anyhow it's pretty big of you to offer advice and encouragement . Thank You .