Understanding Engineers

[offshoredrilling]

Understanding Engineers One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one
asked, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding
my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

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Understanding Engineers Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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Understanding Engineers Three:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

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Understanding Engineers Four:

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

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Understanding Engineers Five:

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Understanding Engineers Six:

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have
designed the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

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Understanding Engineers Seven:

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.

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Understanding Engineers Eight:

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me into a princess, I'll
stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

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added
Understanding engineers, a true story:

My dad was an aeronautical engineer, and his specialty was Mass
Properties. In other words, he was a weights engineer.

Once at a gathering the conversation drifted to the topic of plane
crashes. A friend of his jokingly ask my dad, "Why don't they make
airplanes out of the same stuff they make the black boxes out of?"

My dad answered very seriously, "Because the airplane would be too heavy
to fly."

A few seconds passed before his friend said, "Uh, it's a joke." Then,
after a short pause, my dad started to laugh.

[cptjohnstone]

My dad was an aeronautical engineer, help design the B29 and my uncle was a crash investigator for Boeing

He also gave Jimmy Johnson his first head coaching job

[Chainsaw Anthropologist]

If I had my way, engineers would be forced to work on the equipment they design under "REAL WORLD CONDITIONS". Let them try repair what they've created when confronted with situations that don't exist in the lab, then maybe they would create a truly worthwhile widget.

[maxim_232]

Originally Posted by Chainsaw Anthropologist

If I had my way, engineers would be forced to work on the equipment they design under "REAL WORLD CONDITIONS". Let them try repair what they've created when confronted with situations that don't exist in the lab, then maybe they would create a truly worthwhile widget.

At my last job they had a bad habit of outsourcing the mechanical design. When the subject of rehiring the mechanical firm came up, my response was that I was OK with him doing the design, if it was stipulated that he had to actually assemble his own design.

[Torqueman]

There was a sign in my machine shop that stated:

"There comes a time in every project where you need to shoot the Engineer"

Another stated:

"You put and Englishman in the Garden of Eden and he will complain about the whole damn thing. You put an American in the Garden of Eden, and he will modify it to his advantage!"