An explanation for my absence...

[Guest021115]

Hello everyone! I just wanted to pop in real quick and let everyone know what has been going on with me, and why I haven't really been around much lately...

Sadly, I recently experienced the death of a family member, which is already hard enough to deal with, but this death was compounded by the fact that it was a suicide.

Needless to say, I am devastated and extremely hurt by their choice, and I needed a little time away to regroup.

I've dealt with death many times over the years, but never a suicide...and, unfortunately, I was handed the task of making all of the funeral arrangements, which was extremely draining.

I want to apologize to anyone I had to cancel on, as well as to anyone whose phone calls and emails may have went unanswered. Also, my apologies to any providers that tried to contact me for references. I did the best I could to keep up, but when your head is not "in the game" it's hard to stay focused.

I am back in the swing of things now, and I am still making my trip to Topeka May 5th-7th.

Once again, I'm really sorry if anyone felt like I was ignoring them!

Sincerely,
Staci

[DestinyInKC]

Wow I hope everything is ok, I bet that is tough to deal with! If you need someone to talk to, know that I am here for you and will have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

[Triton]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

[Guest021115]

Originally Posted by destiny in kc

Wow I hope everything is ok, I bet that is tough to deal with! If you need someone to talk to, know that I am here for you and will have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

Thank you, Destiny! You're always so sweet to me! I really appreciate it, doll!

It has been terribly tough to get through, but I am fortunate enough to have a lot of damn good friends who have helped me along the way. I'm not sure I could have made it, otherwise. This was actually their 3rd suicide attempt since February, so now I'm just trying to take comfort in the fact that they are not suffering any longer.

I learned one thing from this, for sure: If you love/care about someone, TELL THEM, and do it often, before it's too late. I know I told her that I loved her a lot, but others didn't, and they are regretting it now. Don't live with regret!

[Guest021115]

Originally Posted by Triton

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

Thank you, sweetheart! That means a lot to me!

[Johnny4455]

Im sorry for your losd

[bartipero]

You have already said something in your post that indicates you have a healthy understanding that will itself help you as much as anything, though--it was 'their choice.' That is important to remember along with the fact that as hurtful as it is there is nothing you could have done about it--nothing. The people you catch are the one's who wanted to be stopped. It is nevertheless devastating and hard to fathom, but you will also be a stronger person, more understanding of others with it, and we have to assume their pain is being dealt with in a better place.

[Guest021115]

Originally Posted by Johnny4455

Im sorry for your losd

Thank you!

[Guest021115]

Originally Posted by bartipero

You have already said something in your post that indicates you have a healthy understanding that will itself help you as much as anything, though--it was 'their choice.' That is important to remember along with the fact that as hurtful as it is there is nothing you could have done about it--nothing. The people you catch are the one's who wanted to be stopped. It is nevertheless devastating and hard to fathom, but you will also be a stronger person, more understanding of others with it, and we have to assume their pain is being dealt with in a better place.

Your words are very comforting, thank you so much!

I actually was the one who found her after her first attempt (overdose), and I considered it a cry for help because of all that she was going through...but after her second attempt (overdose), I knew we were really in big trouble. I was pissed that the doctors did not admit her for psychiatric care any longer than 3 days. We told the doctors that she had access to hand guns (which I thought had been removed from her home after the second attempt), and they insisted that women generally do not choose that method. I guess doctor's don't know everything, after all.

I choose to believe she's at peace now. It's just easier for me.

[DallasRain]

so sorry for your loss

Hope things get cheery again soon! sending you hugs!

[Guest021115]

Originally Posted by DallasRain

so sorry for your loss

Hope things get cheery again soon! sending you hugs!

Thanks Dallas! Love ya, girl!

[DallasRain]

Originally Posted by Staci Stacked

Thanks Dallas! Love ya, girl!

luv ya too baby!

[bartipero]

Been there. Everyone was--and usually is--on the 'if I only' wagon, and you go through the range from mad at the person to sorrowful, etc. Everyone will share blame, even those that barely knew her, but they need not. Oh, sure, in hindsight you see all sorts of things. That is both the benefit and dane of it. There will be others you can help in other ways, and you will now have seen some wonderful people, or how wonderful they can be, so there is at least that kind of memorial.

As for me I like to think that every now and then they reach out from wherever they are however they do it and save me from some idiocy in some way or help soneone else I may never know. An angel in your pocket. That is what you now have. Maybe even this is one of those times.

[Guest021115]

Originally Posted by bartipero

Been there. Everyone was--and usually is--on the 'if I only' wagon, and you go through the range from mad at the person to sorrowful, etc. Everyone will share blame, even those that barely knew her, but they need not. Oh, sure, in hindsight you see all sorts of things. That is both the benefit and dane of it. There will be others you can help in other ways, and you will now have seen some wonderful people, or how wonderful they can be, so there is at least that kind of memorial.

As for me I like to think that every now and then they reach out from wherever they are however they do it and save me from some idiocy in some way or help soneone else I may never know. An angel in your pocket. That is what you now have. Maybe even this is one of those times.

We don't need to do the "if only" thing for ourselves...lucky for us (sarcasm), we've had a certain someone around who keeps telling us how we all failed her.
I choose to believe he's just a drunken idiot, especially after his 10 minute drunken rambling in the middle of the services, in which he proceeded to drop the "F" bomb and various other words that shouldn't ever be said in church.

I know it's not my fault, and I did everything I could to help her. Some people just don't want to be saved. Yes, I now have another angel watching over me!

[Wizard of Ahhhhs]

I am so sorry for your loss, Staci. No question she is now in a better place and you have another angel. And I admire your strength in these difficult days. God bless you and your family.