Clear and concise communication?

[akeshi]

I come from the school of thought that communication is always the key. But, hobbying is a discreet pastime where clear, fully descriptive requests are often frowned upon or simply met with a complete lack of response. My gripe is that if I'm going to spend my hard earned (ok... at least "earned") money, I want to get exactly what I want. Put two and two together, though. If I spell out exactly what I want, I don't get a response. I've thought of a couple answers to this little conundrum, and I thought I'd share those with you to see if I could get some insight from hobbyists and providers alike.

Answer 1: Rather than being descriptive and elaborate in an ISO, just research and find a provider who lists the services you want, then discuss it in person during your session.

I find a couple issues with this answer. First off, while P411 allows you to search services, ECCIE doesn't, and wading through thousands of posts isn't effective use of time to find what you want. Second, as I browse through P411, I find a large amount of providers who don't list any services at all. Third, what if the request has nothing to do about a specific service, but rather how you want the session to go? What if you want a provider to come on to you during the session? Is that acronym SSSTRGYA for "Sensual Seductive Stripping To Really Get Your Attention"?

Answer 2: You're over analyzing things! Just get in there, bang away, and get out!

I thought the point of hobbying was to pay for what you aren't getting elsewhere. If you can get laid on your own, but you want a specific experience, isn't that what hobbying is for? Which comes back around to the original issue; if you want a specific experience, why is it so difficult to request it?

What do you guys and gals think? How do you get that specific encounter without scaring off the provider with a detailed description?

[Prolongus]

This way:

"This ole man, he fucks girls,
Very, very, young and hot, hot girls,
With a knick-knack, pussy whack, give a girl a bone,
Big ass smile on my way home."

Doesn't get any simpler.

[sroach23]

i just ask "are you a mature woman with a deep throat that does not get lockjaw"?

[pmdelites]

in, out, repeat??

seriously,

* read up on & research women who provide services that you enjoy [and who might meet any other criteria you have - location, fee, age, etc. etc. etc.]
* check w/ a few guys to dbl check what you have learned.
* ask the woman for an appt, providing whatever screening info she requires.
* once your screen, call or email her and see if you can find out more info.
* or, once you're together, just let her know what you likes/dislikes are and see if the two of you can "get it on".

so, in essence, Answer 1.

"I thought the point of hobbying was to pay for what you aren't getting elsewhere. If you can get laid on your own, but you want a specific experience, isn't that what hobbying is for? Which comes back around to the original issue; if you want a specific experience, why is it so difficult to request it?

What do you guys and gals think? How do you get that specific encounter without scaring off the provider with a detailed description?"

hobbying is what YOU want it to be. not what others do, not what the majority or minority do, not what the high or low rollers do. what YOU want to do.

so, just be a nice, discreet, respectful, and horndog gentlemen rather than a lewd, crude, and jackass dude.

cos, i imagine that whatever you're wanting is not so weird or off the wall that most good providers would think you're weird or off the wall. and would be willing to engage w/ you on it.


you could always just post an ISO and see if you get any responses to followup on.

good luck!

[Red Tex]

"This ole man, he fucks girls,
Very, very, young and hot, hot girls,
With a knick-knack, pussy whack, give a girl a bone,
Big ass smile on my way home."

Prolongus just gave us the greatest poem ever!

[Sir Lancehernot]

Originally Posted by pmdelites

in, out, repeat??

so, just be a nice, discreet, respectful, and horndog gentlemen rather than a lewd, crude, and jackass dude.

Yeah, but being nice, discreet and respectful is a good way to ensure that only your minimal expectations are met.

Here's an example: I recently saw an L1 provider who decided, on the fifth visit, that I was worthy of an upgrade. She was facedown on the table, and I was at the head of the table, massaging her. I was really hoping she'd take the hint that our positioning suggested, but I wanted that to be her choice, not something she felt compelled to do because my dick was in her face, so I actually had my hips thrust slightly backward. When the upgrade came, it actually wasn't that great, but her slow, sensual approach plus the fact that it actually happened had me in heaven.

I certainly would have liked to be more aggressive -- not to the choking point, but at least a little more-rapid thrusting and tonsil-tickling -- and I certainly was in a much better position to do so than if I'd been on my back. But I figured that doing so might increase the risk that she'd stop.

In a more general sense, I usually find that being nice and respectful with a lady seems to ensure that the animal within -- the guy who'd like to be more assertive, nasty, vocal, and controlling -- stays within. Rare is the provider who says, "What do you want?" And for me, a guy who's just grateful for the opportunity to be with an attractive woman who'll do any L, it's really difficult to ask "Hey, can I have a blowjob this time?", or "Can I cum on your face?", or "Wanna fuck?"

I think the OP has a point. Whether you want a girlfriend for an hour or a PSE for an hour, it's still really difficult for both parties to figure out hopes, expectations, and limits before the session begins.

[Guest020720]

If you're getting at what I think you are, might I suggest that you use the extra comment section on P411 to describe in more detail what you expect in a session.
Point out to the girls that you choose, that you request they read you profile carefully in order to ensure it is something you both are comfortable with.
(I have had many "rougher" clients approach me in this manner and it has worked out great, and seeing all of their ok's and having previous girls to check with is a very good thing. I get to see who I know that I'm comfortable talking to to trust their word)

I think that would be the best route to go in order to open more discussion if she is ok with that, or just book based on what is said.

Good luck!

[Grace Preston]

I cannot speak for the masses, but once you've been properly screened I have no problems with discussing details if your ideal session is specific.

[akeshi]

Originally Posted by tntangie

If you're getting at what I think you are, might I suggest that you use the extra comment section on P411 to describe in more detail what you expect in a session.

A VERY good suggestion! While my P411 profile does list some of my expectations and desires, I never know just how much detail to go into. What I'm getting at has nothing to do with MY kinks. I don't actually want to see a provider for that at all. In fact, it's more the opposite that I seem to have a problem finding. To be blunt and just say it, I'm looking for (and from what I've read from other hobbyists, others are looking, too) the illusion of passion. But, posting an ISO that says "ISO - Seduction" probably isn't going to get anyone very far.

Originally Posted by GracePreston

I cannot speak for the masses, but once you've been properly screened I have no problems with discussing details if your ideal session is specific.

I wish I were the same way, I guess. Perhaps all this frustration stems from being too shy to say "I want you to show up wearing casual clothes, hang out and talk to me like a friend, then come on to me because I'm too shy in my normal life to make a move."

[akeshi]

Originally Posted by pmdelites

hobbying is what YOU want it to be. not what others do, not what the majority or minority do, not what the high or low rollers do. what YOU want to do.

That's probably the best advise I've seen on ECCIE.

[pmdelites]

Originally Posted by akeshi

... In fact, it's more the opposite that I seem to have a problem finding. To be blunt and just say it, I'm looking for (and from what I've read from other hobbyists, others are looking, too) the illusion of passion. But, posting an ISO that says "ISO - Seduction" probably isn't going to get anyone very far.

well, unless you say it, you'll never find out!!
just ask for it!!

Originally Posted by akeshi

... I wish I were the same way, I guess. Perhaps all this frustration stems from being too shy to say "I want you to show up wearing casual clothes, hang out and talk to me like a friend, then come on to me because I'm too shy in my normal life to make a move."

see there?? you just said it!!! good for you!!!

now, hopefully, some of the fine women who will read this post can contact you and [once screening is dealt w/ satisfactorily] you'll get what you are looking for!!

[xwerz24]

Sir Lancehernot I feel your pain. Part of the turn on is not having to ask for what you want. I know it doesn't make much sense, but it's that illusion of passion we are all seeking, which is kinda ruined when you ask and she performs.

On the flip side akeshi. You may have inadvertently done yourself a favor by posting what you want, since you don't know if the woman you are looking for has read your post or not and may just provide exactly what you need because she read your post and didn't tell you.

[Sir Lancehernot]

[QUOTE=pmdelites;2931932]see there?? you just said it!!! good for you!!!/QUOTE]

Well, to be accurate, he didn't say it; he wrote it. It's a lot easier to write what you want than it is to say it, but, as the OP noted, if you write what you want in an e-mail or a PM to a provider, chances are you won't get a response.

[Guest020720]

The thing is, in regards to seduction...providers deal with guys who's idea of seduction varies so widely, we really do find it helpful to know if you want us in our "girl next door" look.

I've been told many times that guys find me more attractive in jeans, a decent tshirt & sneakers as a matter of fact. Yes, I was shocked.

Girls, it doesn't hurt to ask the guy his preference in your clothing either.

[pyramider]

Clothing !?? We don't need no stincking clothing.