Spending Your Next Stimulus Check

[Toolman]

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will
go to China or Sri Lanka.

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the
Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or
China.

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico,
Honduras and Guatemala.

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go
to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on working girls, or

4) Beer, or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed working girl that you met at a yard
sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

[CHUDONTKNO2]

HA HA! Too F'in funny!!

[jgarcia]

Hahahaha

[Guest112910]

Overall, well said. Wouldn't the football or basketball represent a larger portion of American players, though?

[Jackie S]

Since I am in what the President, (and most Democrats), call "rich", I did not get a stimulus check. So, I suppose with me it is a moot point.

Oh, incidentally, that "rich" means I have a job, (independent businessman), and pay taxes. Lots of taxes.

[DarthMaul]

Hilarious!!

[topcat19542001]

My father used to tell me two things about paying taxes.

1) If I were a millionaire, I'd be first in line to pay my taxes.
2) The more taxes I pay, the happier, and richer I'll be.
TopCat