How Does This Work?

[Crystal Lake]

Last week a guy responded to my ad and inquired about a session. We talked for a bit and exchanged pics and kind of hit it off. Like in this weird flirty friendship kind of way. He was extremely nervous about booking and had to be aware of his budget, so I suggested he not go through with it. Something just told me not to see him as a client anyway. So, for some reason, (I have never done this with a potential client) we kept PMing back and forth for a couple days and he asked me to hang out in the real world. We decided to be friends, and not have a provider/customer relationship. Again, having never ever done anything like that before, I met him for a drink and it was kind of like a blind date.

I guess my question is, has anyone had a similar experience? If so, how did it go? Is it possible to have a successful friendship/possible romance with someone you have met in this manner?

Gentlemen, would you "date" a provider, even if you had never paid for her time?

Soo many questions, lol, I know, but this experience has really got me thinking...

[Vyt]

Well, first off, I'm married, so 'dating' is kind of difficult. After all, that's why many of us are in the hobby.

If I weren't married, I personally wouldn't have a problem with it, but I was also very poly before being married and would have no problem with someone seeing other people, even in a hobby context. That is, I would hazard a guess, fairly unusual. You'd have to find someone who is OK with your chosen profession, or retire. I will say that most people you meet outside the hobby would *not* be OK with it. However, many people you meet within the hobby would not be OK with it, either, especially if romance is involved. Most people would expect you to retire, eventually.

If it's more a FWB thing, well... I'd ask why you would be giving up a potential client for that. I mean, I'm friends with almost any provider I see regularly (it's almost a requirement) and I still leave a donation any time BCD time is involved. It keeps boundaries intact that exist for a reason.

[luvsblonds]

i will respond from an experienced point of view having dated one in dallas. we did set an appt, but it went south quickly she quickly recovered and offered to take me to dinner and to set me up with her doubles partner the same night, so it ended up being my first doubles. anyway after that she invited me back and it went on for several months until it went south again. of course each case will be different but from what i have read about others going thru it, i can say it was one of the most intense relationships as far as bcd. we had lots of laughs and fun but in the end it just wasnt going to work so as the say the hobby highway is littered with broken relationships or something like that, anyway thats how mine ended up. all the time we spent together was N/C. & some weeks i was in her room 3-4 days a week. of course i would date, but get into a serious relationship, thats a mute point as far as am i concerned. NO!!

PEACE

[Guest030824]

Yes I would consider dating several ladies I have met. Just on a friendly basis. As you may know I always start the first meeting with dinner to better know who I will go BCD with. The providers I have dates with are all fun to be with whether it is in public or BCD.

[Guest021716-4]

I met a hobbyist at a gathering who I perceived to be a real jerk on the board. For some reason when we met we instantly clicked. I wanted to be his friend. We have never seen each other bcd, but we are very fond of each other. We have drinks sometimes and hang out.

I had NEVER EVER considered "playing outside of school", until I met the love of my life here, but that's another story! We are in this hobby world sharing a secret life and we are human beings with complex emotions no matter how professional we try to keep it. Things like this are bound to happen sometimes. There are a lot of guys I have met who I don't see BCD that I wouldn't mind hanging out with on a platonic level.
Your situation is definitely unique. I say proceed with caution

[RALPHEY BOY]

Originally Posted by Scarlett Rossi

I met a hobbyist at a gathering who I perceived to be a real jerk on the board. For some reason when we met we instantly clicked. I wanted to be his friend.

I used to hear this exact quote for years...

what I or we post on this site, may or may NOT be who we are in real life....

[guest031612-2]

Crystal, great post.

IMHO the guy is a Creeper loser looking for something for nothing and BEWARE.

The business is P4P not Play after you listen to my Creeper bullshit money life story why I'm such a loser BS.

Decision is yours. If you want to have a drink and make a friend with a decent guy dress up, go to a nice place and pickup a nice fella. Don't grab him off a blind post on a board like this. You are just asking for trouble.

Don't do it in the context of this board and the element that it can draw.

There was an alert the other day about a guy and Whole Foods and an appointment and "uhh, where is there an ATM around?" Just another Creeper scumbag trying to take advantage.

If you just want a friend...then get a dog.

-Boog

[cckid2006]

Originally Posted by Crystal Lake

I guess my question is, has anyone had a similar experience? If so, how did it go? Is it possible to have a successful friendship/possible romance with someone you have met in this manner?

Gentlemen, would you "date" a provider, even if you had never paid for her time?

Soo many questions, lol, I know, but this experience has really got me thinking...

Yes.

It went and continues to go well.

Friendship yes - romance might be a little more tricky. Jealousy!

Have dated and continue to date. I have no problem bringing ladies I meet into my real world.

PM me any other questions.

[Reya Sunshine]

Thanks for saying that! I was gonna say the exact same thing earlier but was afraid it wouldn't sound good coming from a provider- it's easy to seem bitter and jaded to some people here if you don't word things just right.

+100000

My vote is to cut all ties to this (alleged but probable)creeper and run like hell in the opposite direction. I'm really sorry if you had started to build your hopes up about this guy, I know EXACTLY what you are going through because I fell for a similar line of bullshit myself once. You wouldn't be asking everyone here about it if you didn't already know in your heart that this dude is *highly suspect*. I'm not trying to be a dream killer or anything but if I had to guess from the info you've given I'd say there's a 95% chance this guy does NOT have honorable intentions.

Originally Posted by LBoog

Crystal, great post.

IMHO the guy is a Creeper loser looking for something for nothing and BEWARE.

The business is P4P not Play after you listen to my Creeper bullshit money life story why I'm such a loser BS.

Decision is yours. If you want to have a drink and make a friend with a decent guy dress up, go to a nice place and pickup a nice fella. Don't grab him off a blind post on a board like this. You are just asking for trouble.

Don't do it in the context of this board and the element that it can draw.

There was an alert the other day about a guy and Whole Foods and an appointment and "uhh, where is there an ATM around?" Just another Creeper scumbag trying to take advantage.

If you just want a friend...then get a dog.

-Boog

[ztonk]

Originally Posted by Crystal Lake

Gentlemen, would you "date" a provider, even if you had never paid for her time?

Absolutely not! I would have to develop a level of trust with the provider before I would consent to anything like that.

Originally Posted by Reya Sunshine

My vote is to cut all ties to this (alleged but probable)creeper and run like hell in the opposite direction.

I wholeheartedly agree. Too many "guys" (I use the term lightly, feel free to substitute "creeps", "low lifes", or "manipulative misogynistic bastards" as appropriate) prey on unsuspecting/naive women. It's fairly easy to sound wonderful via PM, text message, and the brief phone call... but do you really want to be on a "date" with a guy who knows what you do and could use that knowledge, plus everything he learns as you talk about yourself, to screw up your life (or, in the worse case, end it)?

z

[Sexy Roxanne]

My opinion and maybe I am just BLUNT and call it like I see it.... But sounds like to me he was to broke to pay for a session. So he flirted with you...and now is trying to get the milk for free... again it's just my 0.02.

[Guest021716-4]

I just re read the OP's thread more carefully. Roxy does have a very valid point. I may sound like a bitch but if a guy can't afford to pay for an appointment then he asks me out even as "friends" it would piss me off. It would also lead me to believe he wasn't financially stable and he was manipulative. Unfortunately, we want to believe that our situation is the exception to the rule. BUT I do think it's possible to meet and have a great relationship with someone in the hobby. I have seen it personally several times with my friends and even myself. I am rambling... again, if you proceed do it with caution.

[DTorrchia]

Originally Posted by Scarlett Rossi

I just re read the OP's thread more carefully. Roxy does have a very valid point. I may sound like a bitch but if a guy can't afford to pay for an appointment then he asks me out even as "friends" it would piss me off. It would also lead me to believe he wasn't financially stable and he was manipulative. Unfortunately, we want to believe that our situation is the exception to the rule. BUT I do think it's possible to meet and have a great relationship with someone in the hobby. I have seen it personally several times with my friends and even myself. I am rambling... again, if you proceed do it with caution.

I agree. I definitely think it's possible. I've dated providers in the past and to me it's not about how or where you meet the person but what you learn about them AFTER you meet them.
For the people who were so quick to judge this guy without having met him or knowing him, I think that's a bit premature.
How many times in the real world have men sweet talked their way into a woman's pants only to never call them again? That happens all the time. It's not based on the hobby or the real world, it's based on the man's character and his intentions. The only way to truly establish what the man's character or intentions are is to get to know him.
Certainly you're not bound to jump straight into bed with him. You can spend weeks or even months getting to know him outside the hobby on your time schedule. If you don't get a good vibe, move on. If you think he's sincere then perhaps give him a chance.
To me this would be the smart way to proceed whether you met the guy in the hobby or not.
The provider that I dated for 2 1/2 years I'm still friends with today, 20 years later. We still keep in regular contact, we still care about one another on a friendship level and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world. The fact that she was a provider and that I met her in the hobby certainly doesn't change or diminish that.
So again, agreeing with Scarlett, I'd say proceed cautiously but I wouldn't completely rule him out simply because you met him through a hobby board. It's what you learn about him from this point on that should determine whether you continue to invest your time and emotions.
Just my two cents.

[Vyt]

http://www.okcupid.com/

Just sayin'.

[Sexy Roxanne]

Originally Posted by Vyt

http://www.okcupid.com/

Just sayin'.

+1