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captnzen · 05-02-2011, 08:27 AM

This for me can be one of the most erotic aspects of bdsm, D/s and one of the trickiest. It very much depends on the relationship developed between the dom and sub..The sub giving the domme material and hot buttons to work with and then the vibe between the two...I've had great verbal that ends up being more of a teasing, taunting banter, punctuated with laughs all around and then some pretty harsh stuff that gets in your head and mind f*@ks one...
Thoughts from both sides of this delightful hobby/passion/siren's song of ours?
I perceive it as light years beyond what some might term mere "dirty talk"...it's the communication key to taking physical sensations to a whole other level in a session. Don't have to have it..but when it happens and there's a connection...whoa...

ElisabethWhispers · 05-04-2011, 05:44 PM

I'm surprised that no one has chimed in on this topic!!!

awl4knot · 05-04-2011, 06:12 PM

Gee, from the subject line, I thought this was going to be about shrewish wives, a topic that holds little interest for me. Now that I read the original post, I see that it is about shrewish Doms, another subject that holds little interest for me. I don't think I am alone in this.

naughtyangel334 · 05-04-2011, 10:26 PM

I would love to know more about both sides of this.

cucksub · 05-06-2011, 09:12 AM

Major turn on. My SO will throw little insults at me in public. Usually those around us don't pick up on it but she looks at me with this look of "if you respond, I'm going to mock you under no uncertain terms right here".

Mature Companion · 05-06-2011, 03:46 PM

I'm a blunt, shoot from the hip, tell it like it is, straightforward woman.
BUT......and yes there's a BUT. I cannot nor have ever verbally controlled,demoralized/demeaned a man. It's NOT in my nature.

Funny thing is, I get asked A LOT to verbally abuse men & verbally control them. I enjoy MANY aspects of uninhibited pleasures between two people. But controlling a man verbally is not for me. I adore men far too much and I'm more of a sensual passionate lover, that verbal control turns me off and turns off my Queen V from being aroused.

So I have to ask. What is it about verbal control/abuse/demeaning from a woman of a man. That turns men on? Maybe if I understood it better...

Quote:

Originally Posted by captnzen

This for me can be one of the most erotic aspects of bdsm, D/s and one of the trickiest. It very much depends on the relationship developed between the dom and sub..The sub giving the domme material and hot buttons to work with and then the vibe between the two...I've had great verbal that ends up being more of a teasing, taunting banter, punctuated with laughs all around and then some pretty harsh stuff that gets in your head and mind f*@ks one...
Thoughts from both sides of this delightful hobby/passion/siren's song of ours?
I perceive it as light years beyond what some might term mere "dirty talk"...it's the communication key to taking physical sensations to a whole other level in a session. Don't have to have it..but when it happens and there's a connection...whoa...

notnewtome · 05-07-2011, 12:42 AM

I traveled to New York city last month. Verbal abuse is common place there. My wife grew up in the big city. The fast city brought out the worst in her. Demeaning me in public for my southern demeanor the whole trip. She was a real bitch. It turned me on. It turned her on too to fuck such a dumb hick. We don't have sex that often. She fucked me more on this trip than the last 12 months. We get home and no more putting me down. She nags and no sex. I liked it better her telling me how stupid I am than yelling at me for not taking out the trash.

captnzen · 05-07-2011, 08:52 AM

As you connect with providers/dommes who are skilled or become very good at this...it does seem to be something that is sought out more than one might think...it's very much in the realm of the psychological...and a person who thinks it's a take off on mere harpy behavior is missing out a rare art form. (When done well) But the idea has got to trigger something within for the hobbyist/sub..otherwise move on to your own particular freakishness.

ElisabethWhispers · 05-09-2011, 07:45 AM

Again, I'm surprised that more folks haven't chimed in but let me give this a shot!!!

Since becoming more involved in alternative type of play, I've really met a LOT of people who consider humiliation to be a large part of what they enjoy with the interaction between the two people.

I have initially found it rather hard to get a pulse on how to do this correctly. Because as mentioned above, it's not "harpy" behavior. It's more exacting than that.

I have found that a lot of men who dress up like to be teased, for lack of a better word for it, for wanting to be a girl. And really, that was such a lackluster and poor example that again, it's a tough topic to address.

The only time that I've had a real issue with the whole humiliation thing is when it's feeding into someone's real life issues and I can sortof tell if I'm going into territory that I don't feel comfortable with.

This topic reminds me of when I first started exploring this world. I would want to ask things like, "Are you alright?" and that would be the wrong thing to say. With humiliation ... if done right for the person involved, it's a sublime feeling.

And each person is so very different that I really don't have a way of explaining my often half-correct ways of doing it when that is a significant part of play.

My response didn't help a bit, did it?

Sigh. This is honestly one topic that I would like to learn more about. Wish others would add their thoughts!

Elisabeth

RickO'shayRabbitt · 05-09-2011, 02:18 PM

I have dabbled in this a bit so I will offer my two cents.

It is a very slippery slope. As the original poster mentioned, if the chemistry is right between the two--and the trust--the "humiliation" (I hate that word) banter can be quite fun. If not, it can be be hurtful and insulting--nothing more.

Here's my example, and maybe this doesn't quite fit the "humiliation" genre that the original poster is talking about. But it does for me.

One lady I played with was very good at getting into my head in this way. She would call me her sweet little slut, or remind me that she needed to fuck other men because my cock wasn't as big as she liked. She said it was a nice cock (probably average) but she knew that kind of taunting and humiliating turned me on. There were other things as well that she was good at. And there was a lot of laughing, sometimes at the ridiculousness of her comments while she tried to push the right buttons. It was all in fun. And it mostly worked on the few occasions we played that way.

On another occasion, this very same lady uttered a word to me while playing that didn't work for me, and I stopped her right there and told her that wasn't the correct path to enter. The word was "loser". She never said that to me again.

Call me a slut, tell me I have a little wee-wee, other men are better lovers. I'm good with that. LOL.

Call me a loser, dumb ass or some such other and it doesn't work.

It requires a lot of trust and understanding. I don't think it is easy to do. Especially on a first meeting. I totally get where Wicked Milf is coming from.

Everyone is different. To me, "play" is the necessary word. It's all in fun and play among respectful parties. Without that component, it might just be somebody saying mean things. I don't like mean.

I hope this makes some sense.

Gawd, I hope I don't regret posting this.

ItalianaPrincess · 05-09-2011, 02:45 PM

When dominating a new slave, or training a new slutboy I tend to use alot of verbal humilation. It just comes naturally, and in the moment, I like to let them know just exactly what I think of them. Some like for me to make fun of their lack-of manhood, call them names, spit on them, and in return that allows me total control over them. Before any of these-type sessions, I usually correspond via email at least a week in advance, or will have a sort-of sit down with them beforehand to feel them out, and see what exactly it is that they like, or if there are any boundaries.
Everyone's different. I like to be dirty, so get ready for a wild ride...he he he

XOXO
ItalianaPrincess

Guest061511-2 · 05-10-2011, 02:21 PM

I could not have said that better myself!

flinde · 05-10-2011, 03:26 PM

No offense, barneyrubble, but what you are describing sounds a lot like marriage.

Verbal humiliation (with me doing the talking) has been a rare occasional part of my pay for play experience since 2001.

There does have to be trust with the provider. Safe words and hot buttons discussed. But, once that is taken care of, it can be fun.

I have talked about this in some of my reviews here, and in my MsKristine of Austin reviews on aspd.

And, I find this best happens with more mature and well adjusted providers.

Krunkman · 05-10-2011, 04:59 PM

My experience is that you need to be careful with this sort of thing. We all have our own internal minefields where the wrong words can send us down paths we rather not travel, or even re-visit.

Can it work? Sure. For some, it's verbal viagra. For others, it might get them crying, or completely turn them off, or whatever. It's easy being mean, but it takes a skilled person to use words like this to turn on the target of your humiliation.

For me, personally, doesn't do anything for me. Having a domme stand over me and say "your ___ is ___", etc... In my mind I'm just hearing some cranky bitch spouting crap and I'm gonna ignore it. But that's how I process it. Not everyone is the same.

I tend to seperate humiliation from mind fuc*s. Humiliation is pretty easy, though a lot seem to miss the nuances of it. But mind fuc*s, well, that takes a skilled person to do them - and to do them well! Again those are things that you need to be careful with if you already know you have some issues with certain situation.

Say for example she knew you were terrified of cockroaches, and she puts a hood on you while you are strapped down, and she gets you thinking that she's put a cockroach in your hood. It might be that you would do ok with that concept, knowing somewhere that she would never do that in reality. But it also might set you off, and not in a good way. So ask yourself if that is something you are willing to take the risk on until they have proven their skills (and that you can trust them).

I echo Flindes postion of this working best with mature and well-adjusted providers.... though last time I checked there wasn't a list of well-adjusted providers floating around!!

Guest061511-2 · 05-10-2011, 05:10 PM

I believe you should always ask the person you are doing the scene with what humiliation or verbal humiliation means to them. I like for them to give me a few examples to make sure we are on the same page.
I echo Flindes postion of this working best with mature and well-adjusted providers.... though last time I checked there wasn't a list of well-adjusted providers floating around!!