Oft Forgot Reminders. :)

[Guest062912]

Hello Ladies and Gents. Let us try to keep the tone of this very light-hearted and positive, as opposed to turning it into an angry bitch-fest (you know how we ladies love our bitch-fests :P).

I'd like to compile a list of things providers and hobbyists often seem to overlook or forget. I will start with a few, and I would love your input! Extra brownie points for putting it in joke form or providing light-hearted anecdotes. This is meant to specifically be about things that are very often forgotten by many, so one-time issues that you've come across aren't really applicable.


* Brushing your teeth is awesome and certainly appreciated, but PLEASE remember to brush your TONGUE. I had a client recently that wanted to kiss a lot, and I swear it felt like he had kind of a slimy carpet on his tongue! *gag* I wanted to give him my extra Orabrush (get one!) but I'm not sure he would have used it. :P

* That lint that your belly button collects? Not sexy. I'd say one out of three clients forget to check their lint-trap during personal grooming hour. Oh, the sweaters I could knit. :P

* "Can I ask you a personal question?" I always cringe when I hear this. ESPECIALLY with a first-timer. I want to say no, but I almost always say yes, and regret it. What follows is usually something like "What is your real name?" Traci Brooks. You came to see Traci, let's not get complicated.

* Please don't spend 20 minutes trashing your wife to me. Actually, if we must discuss it, I would much rather listen to all the wonderful things about your wife than all the ways that I am better than her. I'm sure this goes for the ladies as well. Don't spend the whole time talking about your current or ex hubby/boyfriend. I'm pretty sure it effectively kills the mood. :P

Please feel free to add your own reminders! Just remember to try to keep it light and neutral, as opposed to aggressive. I'm very curious to see some of your answers.

[OldGrump]

You mean "Traci" isn't your REAL name? OMG, what am I going to do about this tattoo?

[Hercules]

For the love of gawd make sure there is no TP in the scenic valleys. Nothing worse then setting up a nice 69 with a beautiful ass and seeing a "Klingon" stuck there....

[Jasser]

Originally Posted by tracibrooks

* That lint that your belly button collects? Not sexy. I'd say one out of three clients forget to check their lint-trap during personal grooming hour. Oh, the sweaters I could knit. :P

That's some funny shit right there. That reminds me of a Family Guy episode where Peter found some food in his belly button.

I got some to add...

Washing before the session - wiping your clam and boobs with a wet wipe doesn't count as a bath. I saw a lady once that just finished with someone else. I mean, I passed the dude up when I was walking up. She tells me to hold on while she washes up, still talking to me with the bathroom open. I see her grab a wet wipe and wipe her clam and boobs. Yeah, mood killer!

[OldGrump]

Belly button lint, huh? That "Cracks" me up.

I always shower thoroughly immediately before seeing someone - even for therapeutic massages. On one of my first 'combination massage" appointments, I put my hand on my stomach after the flip while she started on my legs. My fingers felt a foreign object in my belly button. Damn, how'd that get there? Did she notice my skin tone change to red? How do you discreetly remove it while buck naked face up on a massage table?

I kept my hand in place until she turned for more lotion and quickly corrected the situation. Talk about distracting when I was nervous enough in the first place. I haven't failed to check that area since.

I would say "thanks for the memories" but that is something I had hoped to forget.

[lisa.lisa0302]

You like Mr.Happy, I Like Mr.Happy, keep Mr.Happy clean and all three of us will stay happy. :-)

[Guest062912]

Originally Posted by OldGrump

You mean "Traci" isn't your REAL name? OMG, what am I going to do about this tattoo?

*innocent surprise* What? Of course Traci is my real name. Where is the tattoo? Please tell me you tagged your butt for me. "Traci wuz here!!"

Originally Posted by Hercules

For the love of gawd make sure there is no TP in the scenic valleys. Nothing worse then setting up a nice 69 with a beautiful ass and seeing a "Klingon" stuck there....

Originally Posted by Jasser

Washing before the session - wiping your clam and boobs with a wet wipe doesn't count as a bath. I saw a lady once that just finished with someone else. I mean, I passed the dude up when I was walking up. She tells me to hold on while she washes up, still talking to me with the bathroom open. I see her grab a wet wipe and wipe her clam and boobs. Yeah, mood killer!

Wow. You passed the dude? Was he smiling? If he wasn't smiling, that should have killed your mood right there. Bad enough you had to see him, AT LEAST find out if you're going to be satisfied or not. :P Wonder how she'd react if you pulled out a bottle of disinfectant spray. "Here, stand still!" :P

[TonyStark]

Let's see a show of hands to everyone that checked their bellybutton after reading about it.

/raises hand...

[Guest062912]

Originally Posted by OldGrump

Belly button lint, huh? That "Cracks" me up.

I always shower thoroughly immediately before seeing someone - even for therapeutic massages. On one of my first 'combination massage" appointments, I put my hand on my stomach after the flip while she started on my legs. My fingers felt a foreign object in my belly button. Damn, how'd that get there? Did she notice my skin tone change to red? How do you discreetly remove it while buck naked face up on a massage table?

I kept my hand in place until she turned for more lotion and quickly corrected the situation. Talk about distracting when I was nervous enough in the first place. I haven't failed to check that area since.

I would say "thanks for the memories" but that is something I had hoped to forget.

*snicker* Brownie points for the story. Lol. Sorry for dredging up the memory, but I got a giggle out of it, if that helps. :P

Originally Posted by lisa.lisa0302

You like Mr.Happy, I Like Mr.Happy, keep Mr.Happy clean and all three of us will stay happy. :-)

Oh yes! *facepalm* How could I forget this one?! Thank you, Lisa.

[CoHorn]

I agree with the personal questions Traci. I know I look like Brad Pitt, but quit asking me how Angie is.

I don't keep lint in my belly button, that's where I keep my keys when I'm nekkid.

[ftworthmale]

Originally Posted by Jasser

I got some to add...

Washing before the session - wiping your clam and boobs with a wet wipe doesn't count as a bath. I saw a lady once that just finished with someone else. I mean, I passed the dude up when I was walking up. She tells me to hold on while she washes up, still talking to me with the bathroom open. I see her grab a wet wipe and wipe her clam and boobs. Yeah, mood killer!

Ughhhh ... Mood Killer? I have to admit that I would have to try to politely let her know that I am going to let her relax, recuperate, and grab a long hot bath or shower, and that I will reschedule with her later.

Even if she had showered instead of the "wipe it down" clean up, seeing another hobbyist leaving on my way in is a definite "buzz kill" itself, and I will "respectfully" excuse myself then too.

In short, ladies, learn to manage your appt. schedule. All of us guys know we aren't your "one and only", but I do not want to see the guy who was (insert clean or crude sexual reference here) with you five minutes ago!!

[TexasFlip]

I'm keeping notes

[Guest100513-2]

my belly button is clean, I don't ask personal questions and I like my wife.

My reminder is that providers should actually screen.

Opening my p411 profile and one minute later emailing me that all is good means you didn't read it and you didn't contact any of my references.

[Guest062912]

Originally Posted by TonyStark

Let's see a show of hands to everyone that checked their bellybutton after reading about it.

/raises hand...

*raises hand* All clear! Whew.

Originally Posted by CoHorn

I agree with the personal questions Traci. I know I look like Brad Pitt, but quit asking me how Angie is.

Haha. Don't worry, I won't ask about Angie. That is one case where I do NOT wanna hear how awesome your wife is. -_- "Yeah, she's the hottest chick on earth, I GET it!" LOL.

Originally Posted by ftworthmale

Ughhhh ... Mood Killer? I have to admit that I would have to try to politely let her know that I am going to let her relax, recuperate, and grab a long hot bath or shower, and that I will reschedule with her later.

Even if she had showered instead of the "wipe it down" clean up, seeing another hobbyist leaving on my way in is a definite "buzz kill" itself, and I will "respectfully" excuse myself then too.

In short, ladies, learn to manage your appt. schedule. All of us guys know we aren't your "one and only", but I do not want to see the guy who was (insert clean or crude sexual reference here) with you five minutes ago!!

What?! Not one joke? Not one humorous tale of woe? You, sir, are expelled from the Island until I get my giggle, dammit! :P

[ftworthmale]

okay ... if it will get me back on the island ...

Jasser, did you find any of his bellybutton lint in the sheets? giggles