when is feedback really appreciated??

[pmdelites]

ok, you do your research, schedule an appt, visit her. the end result is either "holy fking universe - that was fan-fking-tastic!!", great but not superlative, or it just didnt turn out like you thought.

now, in the first and second cases, i usually tell the woman "that was really fine! i am so glad that we met." in the last case, i usually either dont say anything or say "thanks" and move on.

several times i have communicated after the fact, because i felt that she might want to know. i start my note w/ thanks and appreciations for the things that were positive and then mentioned the thing i didnt think was so positive.

70-80% of the time, the women [and these are women who usually gets positive reviews, these are not lower-tier women] usually replied w/ rant, diatribe, negative shit ("how dare you say that!!", "that is so uncalled for", "you should have told that to me face to face!!" are some of the nicer things i've received; most have been worse]. they didnt acknowledge the positive things i said and usually dont acknowledge or address the less than positive behavior i wrote about. they just dumped on me.

and though i get over it, it is very disconcerting to read, knowing that i didnt bad-mouth them, call them names, or dump on them.

to her credit, one woman recently acknowledged my thanks and acknowledged my comments and replied that she is working on her service, even invited me back for a visit to see how she has improved. i'm seriously considering it and will pay her full consulting fee, not the discount she offered.

i've read over and over from both sides, "you really should let us/them know what went not so well". but in the end, does it really happen?? and more importantly, does it make any difference??

i am serious in asking this as i am wondering if i should even attempt it again in the future, giving my low return on investment for doing so. and just put it in a review for the guys to hear from a different point of view and let it be done with.

so, a serious question seeking some personal, candid, and frank answers, not generalities.

question for the men:
have you ever [during, at the end, or after a session] offered some constructive criticism or suggestions or comments about something that did or didnt happen or didnt go the way you hoped? if so, why did you do so and what reaction did you get? if you dont, why not?

question for the women:
has a guy ever [during, at the end, or after a session] offered you some constructive criticism or suggestions or comments about something that he felt did or didnt happen or didnt go the way hehoped? if so, how did you react to it? if he sent you a communication afterwards to mention it, how did you react?

thanks for sharing your experiences/thoughts.
cos, shouldnt this all just be fun and delites???

[Guest022712-3]

I have been offered constructive criticism and I personally appreciate it. Yes, I know its easier to take it personal given the nature of our consulting services here--- but in the end, if you treat this like a business, then you have to realize that there are always going to be things that you excel at and things you can improve upon.

If there is something glaring that I could improve upon, I always appreciate feedback in a constructive manner. Can't fix something if you aren't aware that it is broken.

[Sleepy363]

I understand why providers would get upset. It's their living, and if they think you have affected their income, they can and likely will get upset.

However, the smart ones will take your criticism/advice, think it over, and use that advice to improve themselves... provided of course that you are offering good, constructive criticism/advice and not just being a dick. In the end, if they choose this route, their services and ultimately their finances will be much improved. Those who don't listen to constructive criticism will likely lose much more business over time.

Bravo to the lady you talked with who took your advice, used it to motivate her to change that for the better, and invited you back to see for yourself. THAT is a lady who gets it.

[guest010712]

Originally Posted by pmdelites

question for the men:
have you ever [during, at the end, or after a session] offered some constructive criticism or suggestions or comments about something that did or didnt happen or didnt go the way you hoped? if so, why did you do so and what reaction did you get? if you dont, why not?

Yup. It was called: shut the feck up with the fake ass moaning and asking me to cum every 5 minutes or I'll kick your ass out of the ninja kitties dojo. The fake moaning continued and out the door she went. I only had to do that a couple of times in the past.

Constructive criticism is fine, but read my feckin P411 profile! It lists everything that I enjoy and dislike. You'll know up front what I'm into and if you think we'll click. Pretty simple. I'm happy to say that in the past most of the providers read my profile and even thanked me for being so up front and detailed. They knew what to expect and it made our time together that much better.

Now where is that unicorn when you need it...!? Bah!

[Krunkman]

ECCIE is like the Better Business Bureau of the hobby. Or maybe more like Angie's List, since you have to pay to join the BBB and you do want to maintain your rep so you don't lose your BBB listing.

I guess as long as the comments are fair and not too snarky they are acceptable. Most of the time if I read something negative, I'll dig some more and see if it's a common complaint about the provider, or if the hobbyist has a history of posting bad/poor reviews. We all know that sometimes no matter how much money is involved for time, two people just don't click. So no matter what they experience is not going to be enjoyable for either.

So it really is up the reader to do some digging and not take every review at face value.

Though one personal nit-pick.... please use proper grammar when posting? Sometimes reading responses is painful on the brain to see common words frequently misspelled. And I don't mean the odd word here or there. I'm talking readiing a post that looks like it was written by a six-year old!

[Guest100513-2]

I will only give feedback face to face.

[daty/o]

I was under the impression that reviews here were accessible to the providers, as well. I would think that any criticism could be placed gently between the lines without the need to risk hurting feelings with a direct confrontation. Unless it is something needing immediate attention (spare me the fake O's), I rarely mention it during a session.

[Guest022712-3]

We can only see the Yes or No. We can't see the ROS, so we don't necessarily know the goods and bads about a particular session unless it was glaringly obvious at the time of session.

[daty/o]

Thanx D, I did not know that.

[Shackleton]

I generally think it's a bad idea to give unsolicited, after-the-fact advice to someone you really don't know any better than a one hour business transaction. Most people don't take that well. That goes double for advice about a subject as sensitive and personal as this one.

[npita]

I'm not sure when feedback will be appreciated, but I'm pretty certain that it won't be appreciated if the feedback is self-serving. It's probably best to reserve criticism, (constructive or otherwise) for when you receive an email that asks why you haven't scheduled recently. Unsolicited advice which seems beneficial to the person offering it never comes across well, even if it's helpful and sincere.

[Gonzo DFW]

I try to write my reviews so that any hobbyist can tell whether I thought it was a five-star performance or something less. I've only had one bad session in the hobby, and oddly that was with a legend on this and other boards. But I just wrote a so-so review and moved on. Hell, maybe I drank too much wine, who knows? Gonzo isn't the prize at this year's State Fair, or maybe you guessed that. So I just save the passion and energy I'd waste on a rant for the next provider I see; she always appreciates it more. Oh, and those providers who drop onto the board to rant and rave won't see Gonzo. But then, maybe that's not so great a loss.

[Carrie Hillcrest]

I'm torn on this.

On one hand, if there's something I do (or don't do) that's off-putting, I'd like to know about it so I don't inadvertently continue to bother people with it or discourage repeat visits.

On the other hand, I can get as defensive and ego-bruised as any lady.

Hopefully if someone presented me with (legitimate, non-self serving) constructive criticism, I'd be able to put my feelings aside and actually listen to it.

[guest031012]

I always appreciate feedback as long as its presented tactfully.

[DustyHands]

There's only one provider I've seen that I could give feedback for something that's fixable, and she's not on this board. Instead I just haven't seen her. (And have heard from others that it's still an issue)

On the other hand even though the customer is always right I wish there was a convenient and easy way for providers to give me feedback/constructive criticism.

Just brainstorming but...
What if we had a new forum called uhm... "feedback"
(maybe combine agency/studio to make room)

Open to hobbyists and providers- would only work for guys that use their handle- unless somehow you could make it anonymous-but just one liners and no replies.
e.g.,
"Succulent Suzy" could say "if you're gonna use your fingers, cut your fingernails! And make sure you wipe your ass better!"

"Harry Hobbyist" could say "if I've seen you this week, please know that I really hate it when you talk about your ex boyfriend."

That way you could look and get feedback without too much awkwardness. Just an idea.