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guest123009 · 05-21-2009, 07:36 PM

I am in the hobby to address the deficit of sex at home. In addition to the infrequency of sex, the quality has suffered. One of the casualties has been BJs. She went from spontaneous BJs while I was driving (premarital) to only in the bedroom (married but childless) to sporadically after begging (married with children) to not at all (pre-menopausal). Today, I asked her why. Do I stink? Taste bad? Ugly fuck? She said "Because it is degrading and humiliating." WTF?! How? She said, "I don't know, it just feels like I am being used. It doesn't feel like lovemaking."

I don't get it (cognitively as well as literally). Sigh. I almost wish she had said that it was because I was an ugly fuck. It would not have had the same emotional weight.

Thank you, ladies, for what you do. It means the world to some of us.

otrdriver · 05-21-2009, 08:51 PM

why we hobby, my so and I haven't done the dirty deed for couple years! she doesn't feel like it anymore, so I hobby when I can and where it is safe. Fullfills my needs and what she doesn't know won't hurt.

5150 · 05-22-2009, 12:38 AM

My former wife sounds similar to your situation lots of sex and BBJ before married, only having sex to have children (that was lots of fun. Nothing sexier then your wife calling, “My egg is in the perfect location you have to be home in 30 minutes and cum in within 60 minutes or we miss the peak time for getting pregnant”), to zero sex once we had our second child. We got divorced because she discovered I was hobbying. I told if she had been willing to have sex once or twice a month I wouldn’t have hobbied. Her reply was I only married you because I wanted children, money and child support. To add injury to insult told me that she never loved me and was still in love with her ex-fiance.

Since my divorce I have had several girlfriends and two significant relationships. In every relationship when we lived in are own places we always were having sex and crazy sex at that. The moment they spent significant time at my home the sex dropped off dramatically. Now I understand that after a time the amount you do it will become more and more infrequent but this was more like a light switch. When in separate homes we fucked like bunnies when living with me fuck once a month or wait even longer. I asked a couple of my GF do I stink, not trimmed enough, over weight, not bringing enough gifts home, lousy foreplay, not listening enough to what you want, etc.., they would get all defensive and look at me like I am crazy and tell me were still fucking the same amount when we had our own places. At that I would just sit there in my mind going why does this keep happening.

I would tell my guy friends and they would tell me their story and it would mirror mine. Great sex before living together/marriage than zip, zero, nothing once living together.

Is there some genetic code in a majority of women that says now I got a man and we are common law married/married so I can lock the kitty away?

Its like that old joke where your groomsmen says, “do you know why your bride is smiling so much today?” “ Its because she will never have to give you another blow job”.

Matador · 05-22-2009, 11:05 AM

While I believe most of the frustrations in the bedroom posted by all the married guys to be true, I believe there also is a side of the story that they sometimes forget to tell. That can be an issue as varied as there are different marriages but something is not right from the other side of the relationship.

Sometimes it helps to be a little introspective and see if you are still doing your part as you did when you had your own places. If all things are right, then you probably have a woman who wanted the security and support of a relationship along with a home. In that case she probably doesn't love you and what you have at home is for all practical purposes a high priced escort that doesn't deliver any services. Kind of like the ones who tell you the fee that you paid was only so that they could show up. If you want any services it is going to cost you.

The sad part is that a lot of the guys under this type of situation try their best to cover for their hobby and go to extremes to find time to get away from home so that they can play. Most of them never questions where the wife went to, or for how long she was gone. They are just happy they had an opportunity to get away and play.

If these women are still sexy and in shape, ,many of them ( not all ) are fucking around on the husband. Sometimes with a younger dude, sometimes with someone who they find more attractive, and other times with someone who will treat them like shit.

My apologies to all the married guys who find MY VIEWS a little offensive. I only meant it as an observation.

Take care and be safe

Guest030911 · 05-22-2009, 12:40 PM

Therapy. Both individual and couples counseling.
There are most likely issues and behaviors that need addressing as a couple and as individuals.

Good luck.

guest123009 · 05-22-2009, 02:31 PM

Despite the perception I may have given, my wife and I actually have a terrific marriage. We very much love and enjoy each other.

The hobby has helped our marriage tremendously. I think with the demands of life, much less private time is available for each of us to get what we need from the other. She was not getting enough romance and I was not getting enough raunch. As I am able to address my raunchy needs with the hobby, I am able to give her more romance without the pressure of turning it into a headboard banger.

Thanks for the therapy suggestion, cpi. Means a lot coming from you.

guest123009 · 05-22-2009, 02:32 PM

Despite the perception I may have given, my wife and I actually have a terrific marriage. We very much love and enjoy each other.

The hobby has helped our marriage tremendously. I think with the demands of life, much less private time is available for each of us to get what we need from the other. She was not getting enough romance and I was not getting enough raunch. As I am able to address my raunchy needs with the hobby, I am able to give her more romance without the pressure of turning it into a headboard banger.

Thanks for the therapy suggestion, cpi. Means a lot coming from you.

guest123009 · 05-22-2009, 02:33 PM

Still wish she gave BJs like she used to. Man, she was terrific at them.

MuffinMan · 05-22-2009, 03:12 PM

FMH...I feel your pain! (credit Bill Clinton). IMHO... Your dilemma is the same as mine and is summed up perfectly in this old joke.

"Do you know why ALL brides are smiling in their wedding photos? Because they know they've given their LAST blow job."

Good luck,
MM

Go4it · 05-22-2009, 03:31 PM

Matador -- and just who said it was a bad thing that she was going out to get hers?

I say GREAT --- you go get yours somewhere you like it better, and I'll go get mine somewhere I like it better.

We're both happier.

And FMH - LOL, I don't have to worry about her not giving me a BJ and more cause she never liked it, and was thus bad, anyway. Give me those who wanna suck my dick anyday!!!!!! (even if they just wanna suck it because of this green shit in my pocket).

guest123009 · 05-22-2009, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Go4it

Give me those who wanna suck my dick anyday!!!!!! (even if they just wanna suck it because of this green shit in my pocket).

Whatever motivates them is fine by me as long as they just keep doing that thing they do so well!

T-Can · 05-23-2009, 02:39 PM

I wonder if someone has a wife that only gives CBJs?

Now that would be a cause for concern!

Carrie Hillcrest · 05-23-2009, 08:36 PM

One of the challenges I always face in long term monogamous relationships is maintaining sexual interest in my partner. I'm sure many of you will understand how difficult that is (and if not, consider yourselves very lucky). It's so easy to get settled into a sexual routine and to take sex for granted. Maintaining interest in sex with your partner can take as much work as the rest of the relationship.

As Matador said, I bet there are a lot of supposedly sexless wives who are gettin' some strange on the side, too. It's uncomfortable to think about, but maybe a lot of your ladies are just bored and unable or unwilling to communicate that.

I wish I had a solution other than 20/20 hindsight. Couples therapy is probably a good idea; I've never tried it myself.

guest123009 · 05-23-2009, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carrie Hillcrest

As Matador said, I bet there are a lot of supposedly sexless wives who are gettin' some strange on the side, too. It's uncomfortable to think about, but maybe a lot of your ladies are just bored and unable or unwilling to communicate that.

And even if your wife gives birth to TWINS, there is no guarantee that ONE of them may be from another man.

Mother gives birth to twins with different dads

TexTushHog · 05-23-2009, 10:19 PM

I've been in marriage counseling once, and couples therapy twice (although on of the couples therapy only lasted three days). Talk about some crazy people. The folks who ran two of the three needed to be committed. In the other case, my girlfriend just decided she wanted to be with someone else and the therapist said that it was very unlikely she was going to change her decision with any amount of therapy. Oddly, he was the only sane one of the bunch.