SO's and The Hobby

[The Infamous One]

I recently spoke to some of the ladies about this, but wanted to get you guys opinions. I just can't seem to balance a healthy relationship and be in the hobby. I stayed completely single for many years for this reason. I recently dated someone and entered a seemingly healthy happy relationship. He is not a hobbyist. He's a great guy and friend first before dating who knew what I did for most of my income. Le sigh... Then the time came when he switched it up and said that we could go no further in the relationship if I were to continue to provide. Although he didn't put any pressure on me to quit, this really started effecting me negatively & my ability to be a great provide or girlfriend. I started to feel really gutilty & sad. I couldn't do any of it right. Soon I became a shell of a woman. I asked him if he could take over if I left the hobby, but he wasn't prepared to do that. Deciding that I should not change for anyone, I started to think about what this must be like for the man in a relationship with a sex worker. I have found I can be in a happy relationship & NOT hobby or Hobby & be happy single. I have yet to find how to successfully navigate both at the same time!! Porn stars do it! Swingers do it. I know people do it!

How many of you are in open relationships, swing or are in a relationship with a sex worker? How does it effect you? Do you think it's fair to support her or supplement her income if you ask her to stop? Do you consider it cheating if she's a sex worker but not seeing or having sex with anyone else? I could never not be honest about this part of my life either. Is this the ultimate price we pay for being in this business? Ladies, how do you feel about all of it? I can't be the only one who would like my cake and eat it too?!

Thanks for listening!

[RALPHEY BOY]

put yourself in his shoes, would you want him going out 3-4 nights a week being wined, dined and blown and banged by businesswomen? You sitting at home wondering what is he really doing?

I would not date an active Provider, to much to worry about to have a successful relationship. Now if I was married 20 years and my wife decided to be a Provider, I probably would not mind it.. let someone else bang her for a while....

[The Infamous One]

Yeah. I get it.

[Guest010218]

Keep hobby world and real world in separate compartments. Don't mix or allow the streams to cross. How would it have been if he had not known about the hobby work, but just thought you had a real world job with strange hours?? Some providers strictly limit there hours to say, 9-5 so they might maintain some form of a normal work schedule and have a SO who doesn't know about the hobby.

Is it possible for a provider to successfully have SO who doesn't know, and to provide in the hobby at same time?

I would think this would cause more stress for the ladies than it would for the guys, all things equal. Most of us guys in the hobby are just old hound dogs who will chase after the ladies without regard to feelings. Not saying that's right, but it happens.

[PartsInspector]

To the OP, I think that finding a partner that is ok (truly ok) with your doing sex work is just a matter of you accepting that the pool of applicants you get to choose from is smaller than for most people.

I dated a woman I met off SA for a few years... we had a couple of compensated dates and then decided we liked each other and became a normal couple. And she kept meeting clients and it didn't bother me at all, she had some pretty funny stories sometimes, I enjoyed it. It was an open relationship, we just had to let each other know what we were up to, nothing was hidden.

So the right guys are out there for you, keep being you and don't settle for less than everything you want.

PartsInspector

[DallasRain]

I have been in an open relationship over 30 years...when I started doing this it just felt natural....in fact wr even do "hot wife" sessions!
But there is a trust level ehen it comes to mixing the hobby with real life....We have a close relationship and a deep trust level with each other.. ..my SO loves what I do and even brags about me to certain friends!

[nuglet]

I've been in the Swinger LS for several years with three different S.O.'s , When parting with two of them, it wasn't due to the LS, in fact , quite the opposite. It was more about me being used as an easy supply of good living, not sharing each other in the sex world.. In fact, having other partners, paid or not, was part of what kept us together as long as were were. I think, at least for me, is the time of day / separation, not what she or I were doing..
We often play together with select providers, or share each other. I'm straight, she's not. lol

[RICKDOG8]

I don't judge what anyone else does in their lives. But I honestly don't see how a guy could "share" their wife or girlfriend even if it's just business. That's just me and again, I'm not judging.

[decoyoctopus88]

It could work. But if would have to be a guy that's into or appreciates alternate lifestyles. Swingers, Open Dating, etc. And someone who is not prone to jealousy or possessiveness. They are out there.

[The Infamous One]

I would never lie to an so of man I planned to have sex with about doing this work. That's not fair or cool. But it wasn't cool for him to act like it was cool up front then change things around, especially if he didn't plan to help or supplement the income until I found better. He knew what I did when we met & it wasn't an issue. It only became an issue when he started to feel less than for not being able to provide for me if I did quit. I could see how it would mess with a man's ego & pride. He knows I'm putting a child through a good education & trying like hell to give him everything he needs to successed. It's not like I hid it then told him later. Idk. It takes a very secure & unique perspective to be a couple & be involved in any type of sex work.

We are people who deserve to be happy with a provider lifestyle & not denied love. Visa versa. Think I'll just work on self reflection, self improvement & being content & true to myself for now. It's way less complicated!

[The Infamous One]

Enough bullshit feelings post. Lol. I'm horny & want to bone now, so I can get up to North Austin & bone up there with my bff & share some good laughs & naughty times!

[Austin Ellen]

I've been in an open relationship for a couple of years now. He was in the hobby for 20 years - lot longer than me ,hehe.
He enjoys seeing different providers and I enjoy strange - just like a guy- I know! Anyway, you have to meet the right guy for this and damn I am one lucky butter bean that my guy came along when he did.

[whiskeyforus]

Sorry this one didn't work, you are right about being upfront with him right away about your work. While you stated you did it because it would be wrong not to, how would anybody be able to hide their work from a SO anyway? As far as quitting one career and picking up another; with no financial help from the SO, would he have been willing to do it himself if you had problems with his job?

[Cap'n Crunch]

I have had long term relationships with a dancers at a strip clubs and providers. Two of them I let move in with me to help their transition into regular jobs. I had deep feelings for these two girls. Others I didn't care deeply enough for and did not make that offer.

It also matters whether the guy feels you would be making a solid effort to get a new job, or just mainly live off of him. (Some guys want their partner to have their own identity and not just to be arm candy.)

Its easy to accept dating a provider when it is new and exciting. When it turns into a deeper relationship, many guys (like myself) are not able to willingly accept the arrangement. Keep that in mind when you meet someone who says he has no problem with your job. Things can change as time goes by.

[Cap'n Crunch]

There obviously are guys out there who truly would not have a problem with sharing you sexually with your line of work. But it may take many relationships and many breakups until you find the right match.

If you truly want to continue working in this field, it will not be an easy task to marry to two. If you have any reservations about providing in the long-term, you may want to start planning your own transition now.

Do you have an interest in another line of work? Is it something you could start doing part-time or being learning right now?

A solid relationship is a fulfilling ultimate goal and I really empathize with what you are going through. Your story really hits home. It must seem so unfair. And I do feel sad that I've been "that guy" who didn't accept sharing the two worlds. It's human nature, it's hypocritical, its a confusing mess. But that's what relationships are: whirlwinds of conflicting emotions.