PWI warning in advance.
I often find myself with curious and no so positive thoughts about dates - specific to the situation not to the world in general as I love it so. I mean we're human, it's bound to happen. Often I see women posting rants, which I try to avoid, but I know I can really ramble on (thank you everyone for putting up with it so nicely, it's just nice to have a place to say things where it won't matter much, , the board is more a pressure release valve then anything for thoughts that will get me ridiculed elsewhere, so it's hard to stay away
)
Anywho, back to the topic. This is being spurned by a series of rants on TER from companions that I've been reading (context is good)
When women aren't so much as ranting, which probably is never attractive, but just sharing thoughts about the industry and experiences, do you then think poorly of them? Is it a massive turn off? Does it help put things into a little bit of perspective, just understanding the thoughts of companions even when they're more selfish and emotional then logical? I personally feel the value of such things is hearing the other side, putting me in check a bit, or at least trying to understand why things happen they way they do.
Does it burs the fantasy bubble? I'd really like to hear from any men that don't like the fantasy bubble. I hate when guys aren't really being themselves, because it just seems exhausting to be someone else. Developing an real "persona" as a companion just sounds EXHAUSTING. Frankly it is way too much conscious thought to maintain for me. I don't know where women get the energy to be so totally different online and on the clock then when it's just them and a regular friend. I guess it leans more on me not a planner forethought kinda girl, more go with the flow and dance with the wind. I'd rather be myself, chance being wounded that he really doesn't like "me", and hope for better on the next date. I'm more prone to saying nothing and fall into total silence they say anything I don't mean (naturally not always, but i do fall silent a lot).
So this is turning a touch introspective. PWI LOL
Every now and then there are posts I'd like to make, but I worry that my male friends would thing less of me.
Unrealated and related:
I think a lot of the best stories in this world go untold. The moments of real kindness and friendship. It just makes us feel like admiting to such things, even though you want to share them to take the psychological pressure of, puts a target on your head for every manipulative charmer at there, and people will figure out through the sharing how to tug at your heart strings and take, take, take, instead of giving you the freedom to be generous without worrying he'll take advantage of you until you feel like a total tool and have to cut off communication, or worse yet retire, because word has spread that you have certain weaknesses and you're being deluged by people that just want to take advantage. I've seen at least two women retire for that reason alone, they were really open, people figured out the internal clockwork and they just kept getting guys that would play those keys until she's so emotionally drained, feel completely vulnerable and stupid, and is too afraid to keep on as a companion because she can't weed out the psychology master minds. They. The greatest fear that I have, when dates have these "out of demiland rules" moments, regardless of how or context, is that they expect it to become a state of being. Not just glimpses of kindness when you can afford it (either emotionally or financially). That a line has been crossed, and he'll hate for for stepping a back again.
In fact, I loathe this whole idea of lines. Why can't I just be generous friend in whatever context because the mood and moment and situation feel right without every action there afterward being judged, every moment before re-evalutated, or expectations changes.
It is liberating to meet the few that let you be generous when it feels right and safe for you, and just let the moments come and go as life will have it, instead of trying to figure out where "new boundaries" are or see how often or what else they can get out of you. Or that if you do something once in a while, they won't expect it to be a constant.
For some reason there's a pattern with some, the more I show them kindness, the less they are willing to provide financially. I understand it, but it's a damn shame. Because it makes my personal life hard, I'm giving them this time and energy, and they really aren't willing to do much in return. Finding a guy you can be generous to with your spirit, but understand that paying the bills just makes your life less stressful is so nice. I've only ever found him once, and the gods be willing I'm happy to keep him till I'm 60 LOL I'm sure there are others, but it's scary to let yourself be vulnerable and know there's a good chance you'll get kicked in the teeth
This fear is the same for the men and women in this world I think. And it's too bad, because when two people who are happy being generous in the ways that their life can realistically afford to be, they do a lot of dancing around each other, rather then diving in deep and loving every moment life will allow them to have.
I no longer have any idea what I'm getting at. Half ramble half rant? I'll stop typing now :P
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