Crazy questions! Wife vs. Providers

[Nsane_native49]

Is there something wrong with me? I truly enjoy my time with my wife. I honestly do love her. She tries to fulfill my needs and to no fault of her own, I am still here. This community is the only place I can ask this question. Am I a bad person?

I don't feel like I am cheating because it is totally physical. There are things that providers can do that she won't or can't.

Any who. I just needed to tell someone and I think this is the place that I can unload. (No pun intended)

Thanks y'all.

[Guest070818-1]

Monogamy is not natural.

[micktoz]

What is it with whore mongers that are in committed relationships, wanting someone else to tell them that they are not cheating, when they are cheating?
If someone commits to not fuck someone else, then fucking someone else is breaking the agreement. That is cheating on the agreement.

Fucking someone else isn't wrong. Breaking an agreement and lying to the person is wrong.

Monogamy is good for some people and not for others.

Have fun. Wow, I love being free to play with anyone I want to.

[Lena Duvall]

Something that I do wonder about is if certain dudes (not only those who hobby) who do engage with other sexual partners would be open to their wife/ girlfriend also playing with other people. Personally, I've been non-monogamous for the last five years so I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with not being exclusive to only one partner. The thing that I do find to be strange is a gendered hypocrisy that is prevalent and the belief that all men cheat, but if women were to also cheat, they are "sluts."

[fantasyseeker]

I indeed share an open relationship going both ways with my wife.
For the OP though it's still cheating lol there's no way you can say it's not. You're being dishonest with both yourself and the woman you "love" if she was to find out do you not think she would be hurt? Yet knowing that it would you continue to do so...

Originally Posted by Lena Duvall

Something that I do wonder about is if certain dudes (not only those who hobby) who do engage with other sexual partners would be open to their wife/ girlfriend also playing with other people. Personally, I've been non-monogamous for the last five years so I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with not being exclusive to only one partner. The thing that I do find to be strange is a gendered hypocrisy that is prevalent and the belief that all men cheat, but if women were to also cheat, they are "sluts."

[Permission Granted]

If you really have an honest open relationship then it's not cheating. You've both agreed to physically see others. In many open relationships one partner even knows when the other is going out to play. There are no secrets. If your SO agreed to allow you to play, but really doesn't want you to do so, or vice versa, hard feelings and jealousy will quickly end your version of an open marriage....

[Invisible1]

OP, good question. I think a lot of guys here battle their conscience when balancing 1) their RW love/wife/family and responsibilities with 2) their hobby world physical needs/desires and sexual drive.

Then, slap all the social ramifications of getting found out that you hobby by your wife, family, friends, and acquaintances....... and, well, you can guess how fast your own situation might get seriously messed up..... or not

You are not a good or a bad person for hobbying. C'mon, its great sex, and God designed us to say his name (OH God! YESSSS!) when we are hitting it. Yet people outside the hobby will have a wide range of different opinions about you if they find out that you hobby.

[micktoz]

What's with the terminology "Real World" and "Hobby"? The "Rest Of My World" is separate from my "Hobby World". Playing P4P is real!

[Gbfsl]

Originally Posted by Adrienne Baptiste

Monogamy is not natural.

The problem is, many people confuse monogamy with morality. The psychology of adulatory has been falsified by conventional morals which assume that attraction to one person cannot coexist if you have a serious affection for another. I think this is bullshit and totally untrue.

Everything depends on the person and the situation. It is different for all.

I think Ellen Degeneres summed it up when she said, "I recently learned that penguins are monogamous for life. That is not a surprise to me because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're going to meet a better looking penguin some day."

So party on. Do what you gotta do; tell yourself whatever you have to in order to justify your actions; but enjoy life.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is what this country was built on. I plan to pursue happiness every chance I get. Doesn't mean I love my SO any less.

[tornado82]

if my wife actually made an effort to please me, I wouldn't even have an account on here.

[albundy]

Originally Posted by Nsane_native49

Is there something wrong with me? I truly enjoy my time with my wife. I honestly do love her. She tries to fulfill my needs and to no fault of her own, I am still here. This community is the only place I can ask this question. Am I a bad person?

I don't feel like I am cheating because it is totally physical. There are things that providers can do that she won't or can't.

Any who. I just needed to tell someone and I think this is the place that I can unload. (No pun intended)

Thanks y'all.

Everyone's different. man. Some guys NEED strange. I worked with a guy that married a chick with a boatload of money, was hot, and wanted to fuck and suck damn near constantly and he STILL cheated on her regularly. I thought that he was insane. I'd have given my left-nut for that situation.

Personally, I started banging hookers once the ball and chain stopped fucking. I HATE spending money on hookers. I would MUCH rather have REAL feelings occurring instead of IOP. And rubbers SUUUUUUCCCCKKK!!!! I'm sorry, but there is NO comparison. I have to wear those fucking things with hookers, but not with my wife meaning it will ALWAYS feel better with my wife.

Originally Posted by tornado82

if my wife actually made an effort to please me, I wouldn't even have an account on here.

^^^
This times a thousand!!!

Hell, she wouldn't even need to "please" me. Just fuck more often, or at all, and I'd be good to go. But, NOOOOOO...

So, it's banging hookers for me.

[rexdutchman]

I agree 100 % with Tornado & Albundy one word for me - menopause , that's why

[Putanna Di Classe]

Unfortunately, if your SO does not know you are having relations with someone else and is under the impression that the two of you are in a monogamous relationship then YES, it's cheating.

That being said, there are many indicators and several studies have shown that monogamy is an unnatural state for human beings. This is rather ironic seeing as how human beings in many modern cultures see a monogamous relationship as the be all and end all to a huge chunk of their emotional and financial fulfillment.

So the question isn't really if it's cheating. The question is CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

If you can't compartmentalize your feelings and are stricken with guilt you may wish to either quit the hobby or terminate your monogamous relationship.

On the other hand, if it doesn't bother you, then why rock the boat!

[melannie_star]

Originally Posted by Gbfsl

The problem is, many people confuse monogamy with morality. The psychology of adulatory has been falsified by conventional morals which assume that attraction to one person cannot coexist if you have a serious affection for another. I think this is bullshit and totally untrue.

Everything depends on the person and the situation. It is different for all.

I think Ellen Degeneres summed it up when she said, "I recently learned that penguins are monogamous for life. That is not a surprise to me because they all look exactly alike. It's not like they're going to meet a better looking penguin some day."

So party on. Do what you gotta do; tell yourself whatever you have to in order to justify your actions; but enjoy life.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness is what this country was built on. I plan to pursue happiness every chance I get. Doesn't mean I love my SO any less.

That is the best response.
Thank you!

[Bad_Mojo]

So, OP, I'm not judging, but walk me through how you came to the conclusion it isn't cheating?