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Kayleehotchick · 08-10-2011, 10:56 AM

Okay....this is for guys and gals a like.

When should a provider be honest with a guy that she is a provider? I really don't date in real life (because the hobby is my source of fun...MUCH EASIER!)

I was "seeing" or just screwing a guy off and on for a little over a year, awhile back. I never felt the need to tell him that I provided on a part time bases. I figured since we were never in a relationship and he made it CLEAR that there was NO chance we would never be in one, there was no need to tell him about it. I mean, at the point, all bet's are off and it is none of his business. Also, I knew if I told him, he would throw it in my face ALLLLLL the time.

Needless to say, we stop seeing each other for many other reasons. Well he found out many months later that I was a provider. Well, of course it is something he is using to try to hurt me in one form or another.

I do have another business and my art that brings in income and cover my bills. I DON'T hobby on a regular basis (maybe 3 or 4 times a month). I LOVE the hobby because I can get the 2 things I love the most without out the headache of dating or the worry of anyone getting attached. And of course getting lots and lots of licks!

So am I wrong NOT for telling this guy I was a provider? I mean, if there is NEVER a chance of a relationship between us, isn't my personal life pretty much none of his business? I would think so, but I maybe wrong.

I would really love to hear both men and women's point of view. Is it okay for a ex lover to try to use the fact you are the hobby as a source to hurt you?

TallGuy6 · 08-10-2011, 11:01 AM

If he was gett'n it for free...and gett'n it good and often...why would a guy care? He should
only care if there was a relationship.

Bloodhound · 08-10-2011, 11:02 AM

I think what you did is just fine. I also think he is a loser for using the info against you now. Is he hurt that you won't see him any longer or is he just an AH?

elgato111 · 08-10-2011, 11:04 AM

If the relationship you have with a guy is nothing more than just a casual date and/or sex then I see no reason to tell him that you are a provider, especially in your case when you say you only provide a few times a month.

The fact that he found out afterwards and is now trying to use it against you just shows his lack of maturity. What difference should it make if there was no romantic involvement or attachment.

I agree that your personal life is none of his business in this case. Hopefully he will grow up and move on.

Kayleehotchick · 08-10-2011, 11:07 AM

I doubt he is hurt. But then again, I have NO CLUE what goes on in his mind. He was a a GREAT lay and if he wasn't such a A HOLE, I would have kept screwing him as much as he wanted. It was great stuff! But the ego was the deal killer.

But boy, he sure is using the fact that I provide now as something as a verbal butt kicking.

MsChayse · 08-10-2011, 11:15 AM

I don't believe under the circumstances you indicated a full confessional was in order. It's my belief we should always be careful about disclosing such info. I am curious though. How did he discover what you do? Especially if you are that low volume, I'm assuming you don't have ads plastered all over the internet?

Additionally. It sounds as though he had more of an emotional investment than you realized. I hope for your sake he does not pursue additional vengeance that could further complicate your life. Good luck with this one hon. Sorry you are dealing with this.

Txh64 · 08-10-2011, 11:16 AM

Just a guess based on the way you describe what is happening. It sounds like a maturity problem. His ego is wounded for some reason and he is acting out on you (an external target) rather than being mature and realizing that he never had more than a FWB relationship with you. Boys (and girls) can whine loudly and strike out when their toys are taken away.

Based on the fact that the relationship was casual, you didn't "owe" him knowing this about you.

Is it ok for an ex to try to use your hobby life against you? No. Will a wounded immature ego snatch at any pebble? Yes.

whitechocolate · 08-10-2011, 11:20 AM

It was none of his business that you were a provider. He obviously didnt mind you screwing around with others while you were screwing around with him. He is just annoyed he didnt know the "whole story" and probably annoyed and jealous that he is missing out on screwing you now.

Bloodhound · 08-10-2011, 11:22 AM

I hope he does not know any of your family.

Kayleehotchick · 08-10-2011, 11:22 AM

I'm pretty sure it was another provider that outted me. I don't have proof so her name will never leave my lips. My circle runs a bit tight with this guy (friends of friends) and she is in our circle (friend of a friend). And no, I don't have ad's all over the place. But then again he might hobby himself and stumbled on a ad. He did tell me once he had a chick come over to give him a back rub for $180.00. And I was thinking, yeah right.....just a back rub. LOL

Kayleehotchick · 08-10-2011, 11:23 AM

And yes, he knows my son. He has threaten many times to send links to my son via facebook.

Txh64 · 08-10-2011, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bloodhound

I hope he does not know any of your family.

There is the kicker. Breakups are bad enough. Collateral damage is higher when this hobby is involved due to puritan viewpoints.

P.S. Kaylee, I love the current avatar.

Kayleehotchick · 08-10-2011, 11:31 AM

Thank you txh64. ;-)

ItalianaPrincess · 08-10-2011, 11:36 AM

First off, being outed REALLY sucks.

Secondly, ALL the good lays are always ASSHOLES. Ive never found (in civi land) a nice guy who was glorious in bed. They get you hooked (on the D') and then turn into a big f'ing asshole.
That sucks too...

If he paid 180/ for a legit massage it would've been like a 3 hour massage (usually 90 is 1.5hrs LEGIT massage)

If some chic outed you, and they are still in your close circle, I would get the hell outta that circle AND away from him. *IF* you chose to continue hobbying. Nothing good will come of it, if he is causing you trouble (verbally abusing you) already. Where will it end? Would he try to get you into more trouble? It depends on what LEVEL of crazy he is, and how far he would go to hurt you/ what he is capable of...does he have boundaries?

Some guys just cant handle the "hobby". Period.

You just need to make a decision whether you want to continue being associated with those ppl, and him. Or whether you want to continue to hobby and do your thing.

Hopefully, as time goes by, and he "heals" from feeling betrayed he will go away... but sometimes that's not always the case.

Be careful out there girl. Best of luck to you.

Kayleehotchick · 08-10-2011, 11:40 AM

Thank you doll. Sadly, there has been many issues between us from the start.....