On the side.

[albundy]

Are there any guys out there that use providers for their only source of sex? (Not including jacking off.) I'm currently in this situation. We stay together because of the kids and finances at this point but the sex has slowly dwindled to absolutely NEVER. She's Hot, but that doesn't do me any good if I can't touch her or see her nude ever. For me, I don't want to break up my family and have a bunch of child support payments and her not having any place to go means I'd be paying for their place too. I can barely afford bills now. The f-cked up thing is she doesn't want me looking at other women or porn or touching other women but I can't have her either. I tried telling her how this shit isn't going to work but she's clueless about human beings apparently. Also, I don't even want it if she isn't in to it AT ALL like the few times we've done it in the past couple of years. It has now been 1-1/2 years since the last time.

Anyway, I had the chance recently to f-ck a woman I know who's wanted me for years. She looks OK, not as hot as my wife, but with ENORMOUS natural tits on an average frame. I've tried to stay strictly with providers but finances are an issue now. Problem is she knows my wife. I got to where she was about to go down on me before I put a stop to it and made up some bullsh-t excuse. I got paranoid about my wife finding out. In my situation I think I'd rather providers. I feel it's a lot less likely that I'd get caught by SO. BUT I don't have the funds to throw out $150-$300 every time I want to f-ck. Do any of you have a woman on the side that you're not paying for? I know ALL women cost SOME money, but you know what I mean. How's it working out? I worry a woman on the side would get feelings for me and it'd blow up in my face.

[HungCurve]

That's always the danger. Being found out by SO.
But now that the SBs have been on the rise you can't hardly find a girl who only wants you for sex and nothing else.
If I were you I'd look into Cougars and maybe some place with girls that have daddy issues. Those are your target groups I think. Just my humble opinion.

[albundy]

Yeah, I agree except for the daddy issues girls. They would seem the most likely to grow an emotional attachment I would think. I don't know. It's tough. On the one hand I WANT some genuine emotion but I worry about it getting out of control.

[ilovethemgirls68]

From the situation you described it would definitely blow up in your face. So you've got the hot wife but its not working out. Have you guys tried any counseling? There is obviously something your wife needs or wants and obviously you're not getting what you need either. Man listen, honestly if I had a wife, I wouldn't be in the hobby lifestlye. Sit down with your wife and go back to the reasons you got married in the first place. You were obviously in love at some point. Ask her what she needs or what she's missing. I personally HATE divorce because I'm a child of divorce, but you know what I hate even more? Being freaking miserable! It might sound funny coming from someone here but have you tried any faith based counseling? I've seen couples at your point turn their entire marriage around and are now very happy. Don't know where you and your wife are faith wise or what or if you believe but like I said, I've seen it work. If that doesn't work, as much as I hate divorce, it might be the better option to cut your losses at this point and start over. Sooner or later your kids are going to start picking up on the tension anyway. I must say that I do admire you wanting to keep it together for the kids. Too many people bail and then wonder why we have all of these screwed up kids these days. It's traumatic for them. Just my 2 cents.

[albundy]

Thanks for the two cents. I really do appreciate it. We are very "civil". We NEVER argue in front of the kids, go to all of their school activities and sports together, and don't let on at all about the problems we have. We never miss anything in their lives. We both get along great with each others' families and they have no clue what our relationship is really like. Counseling would be NO help. You'd have to know my wife to truly understand. I don't care WHAT it is..It's my fault.. Guaranteed. It's amazing the way shit that has absolutely NOTHING to do with me becomes my fault. We've talked it over and our marriage is beyond repair. Neither one of us goes to church. That was a bit of an issue because I'm Catholic and she's Baptist as far as which church the kids would go to. But being as neither one of us is that into our religion we just don't go at all. I just can't imagine not being there everyday for my kids and having some other jack-off living with them and raising them. It's torture, but I've GOT to try my hardest to stay with her. I WISH I didn't have to cheat. I really do. But jacking off constantly just doesn't work anymore after a while. We have NOTHING in common.

I keep hoping she'll have a change of heart. I keep on trying with all of the little things here and there that people that actually love each other do, but so far...nothing. Also, I might add, she NEVER cooks and apparently is allergic to cleaning supplies. If she actually had a job, that would be understandable. Her excuses are always "This isn't the life I want" or She should be rescuing dolphins or travelling Europe or some such shit. I pay for and never tell her no for EVERYTHING she wants to try and do. Wants to do Tri-Athlons and needs an $800 bicycle? No problem. Want to go to college? No problem. Want to sell cooking supplies? No problem. I should add that she stopped going to school midway through the semester and the bike and the cooking stuff is collecting dust. Want to drive 35-40 minutes one way to get Chik-Fil-A three times a week in a freakin' SUV while money's tight? No problem. But, still I don't tell her shit so I can try and keep it civil. Also I'm just at the point where I just want peace. I let shit go so I don't have to deal with an ultimately pointless and fruitless argument.

Look, I'm not Mr. Perfect either. I'm sure I have my issues as well, but COME ON!!

But really, I was curious if any other guys use providers as their sole source of sex.

[David-Louisiana]

Sans the kids, same here. More like the reality that something on the side would blow up in my face got me back into the hobby.

[televill]

you're paying them to leave. Side action could surely become attached. Be safe and ride it out.

[weebbadd]

I am in a similar situation with my wife. We do have sex about once a month but it's not much fun. Kinda mechanical. Providers are a great source of my happiness now a days. For me I don't want financial ruin as we considered divorce and she said she just wants everything. Lol
I have tried Ashely Madison and met a few like minded ladies from time to time. Most just want some fun too and not much drama at all. It costs a bit but I think it's worth it from some of the ladies I have met.
But providers seem to be the most bang for the buck I have a few I see kinda regular. It's about once a month hobbying for me due to budget. And on special occasions I see a traveling girl who catches my eye.
I've been to counseling many times it helps for a few months then it's back to the same old grind. Try date nights once a week and after a month or two it may loosen her up. Try not to dwell on the past and look at it as a first date, what did you do to catch her in the first place? Maybe visit a place you dated originally if possible...
Relationships are a compromise but one side doesn't have to do all the compromising

[weebbadd]

Originally Posted by weebbadd

I am in a similar situation with my wife. We do have sex about once a month but it's not much fun. Kinda mechanical. Providers are a great source of my happiness now a days. For me I don't want financial ruin as we considered divorce and she said she just wants everything. Lol
I have tried Ashely Madison and met a few like minded ladies from time to time. Most just want some fun too and not much drama at all. It costs a bit but I think it's worth it from some of the ladies I have met.
But providers seem to be the most bang for the buck I have a few I see kinda regular. It's about once a month hobbying for me due to budget. And on special occasions I see a traveling girl who catches my eye.
I've been to counseling many times it helps for a few months then it's back to the same old grind. Try date nights once a week and after a month or two it may loosen her up. Try not to dwell on the past and look at it as a first date, what did you do to catch her in the first place? Maybe visit a place you dated originally if possible...
Relationships are a compromise but one side doesn't have to do all the compromising

But also keep in mind life is short and why go through it unhappy and miserable?
It's easy to stay in a relationship for kids, money, etc but you can't take the money with you and believe me the kids pick up on tension they see.

[rogerdodger]

some good advice here ...

depending on your kids ages, they probably know what's going on in that your marital relationship is bad. not stupid probably, and they will see it other places ... over 50% of marriages end in divorce.

lack of sexual desire on her part could be psychological, or it could be physical, or it could be you. maybe she's fucking other dudes ?? maybe you don;t get her off ?? women can come up with some exceedingly stupid reasons to deny sex and affection - things that i can;t fathom even though i read the books explaining it. i think that i need to find a woman that is not like that.

what YOU need to do 1st is ... determine your life priorities. then if those priorities involve a lifestyle change, figure out how to implement it. then do it.

in my current situation, while i'd LOVE to find a steady, decent, attractive woman to have a relationship with that includes sex ... i haven't. and ... if i found another steady ATF in this arena, i might stop looking for the other.

i don;t need to fuck that often, but when i was sleeping next to someone i wanted who didn;t want me i found my subconscious desire would be sky high and drive me nuts. like having chocolate ice cream in the freezer but no spoon. fuck that.

who knows, test driving the wife's acquaintances and having them enjoy it and you know they will talk about might spur her to open the cookie jar.

[luvme98]

IMO. break it off. i was in your situation a couple yrs. ago. and the longer you let it brew the worse its gonna get. if you can somehow mutually agree on child support and how you handle each of you having the kids, you wont even need a lawyer. just go to the courthouse. i loved my ex very much and it was tough for a while not seeing kids every day, but now. best thing i ever did.

[Longdongstrong]

Some life advice. I've been involved with divorce (professionally) for since 1997. The FIRST one I did was my own.

So I know this from personal and professional background.

If she is NOT sleeping with you - then she either has a medical condition or she is sleeping with someone else. Period, ZERO exceptions ever.

Lie to yourself if you like, but you will be the last one to know. My mother, the church lady, knew months before I did.

How to tell the difference? If she treats sex indifferently, walks around naked, sleeps next to you, may even be romantic but not into "it" - likely a medical problem.

If she won't let you see her naked, if she won't hug you, if she is goes to bed in sweats, if she goes into the shower dressed and changes in there she is cheating. Look for times where she is unaccounted for. Doesn't answer her phone at work, unexplained miles on the car, new clothes or perfume, calls then end when you enter the room, laptops that close or screens that switch when you "pop up".

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you need to know the truth.

Moving forward, I'd get 100% proof of what is going on. Ever see "Cheaters" on TV? First thing they do, caught red handed, is deny. All the way through they will deny. So have it 100%. Do NOT accuse her until then.

Once you have 100% proof then you have a choice to make. Make a personal decision then have an honest conversation with her (after you crush her denials). Will you offer counseling IF she stops or is the marriage over no matter what? Can you accept - can you REALLY accept and "open marriage" of don't ask don't tell?

I hope for your sake its a medical problem. I include in that a "dysfunctional" marriage to the point sex is totally repressed, - as then its a clinical medical situation - like depression.

So look at your relationship. Figure out what is going on.

Cheating only treats the symptoms not the cause. Its not always the wrong answer but it can be - if you don't know the real problem though you don't know.

There are lots of couples where one has a different interest level -- medical or whatever reason, where a "don't ask don't tell" gets put in place.

But outright just cheating w/o figuring this out - think about the end game. When will you STOP cheating? One of 3 possibles: 1) You decide to do without sex 2) Your wife decides to screw you regular and good (but some will still cheat!!) or 3) YOU GET CAUGHT.

No other way this ends. Just know it before it starts.

Lastly, I've seen some women withhold sex, to MAKE the guy cheat - so they can "catch" him - make him the bad guy and leave (what she wanted all along) with the moral high ground. Cheating is still a choice - but sex is a weapon.

Hope all this helps. I feel your pain.

(PS personally, I manage my "side" action with a combination of paid and friends. Balancing the friends is hard - can't get too serious, can't be meanlingless (with most ladies). I try to make sure its a good thing in BOTH of our lives for it to work. But you HAVE to be ready to walk away at the FIRST sign of problems....)

Good luck mate.

[grown simba]

albundy brother you don't know me but listen to me. This is about to be a long couple of post and I hope it helps you and a bunch of other fellow soldiers in this war we're all in. It will all make sense I promise. You just have to follow what I'm saying, listen and trust me it changed my life when it was given to me.

Let me qualify myself I'm a student of the late great Patrice O'neal and his co-host Dante Nero and the black philip and beige philip show (check them out it's harsh but it's what you need). One of jobs is in the sex industry so I know and talk to escorts, pimps, stripper male/female, single/dating/married people, young/older and cheaters m/f and the happiest people on earth swingers. My father and uncle were pimps and I have been around women all my life. The story you just described I hear it all the time. I hope this advise I'm about give helps just give me a minute to type these post.

[Dakidone69]

Hey Al, you're situation is one that a lot of us can identify with...hell it's a big reason why some of us are on here.
To answer your question, I do a little of both(providers and side pieces).
Over the last several years, I've had a few side pieces that I actually work with...but as expected they have become attached. It's just in a woman's nature. It's very hard for a woman to fuck a guy and not get attached. So you do have to keep that in mind.
Currently, I have a certain side piece who thinks more like a man....she too is married(her husband takes her for granted and withholds sex)....so I am there to handle what he isn't willing to handle. She told me from the beginning that if we were going to get anything started, not to go getting all emotional...no problem with me...as a matter of fact after our last encounter, she walked out of the room after saying goodbye and didn't even hug me. But like I said, she's a rare individual. So far she hasn't let emotions get to her. I truly know she loves her husband but he has neglected her....and I need to mention, she is hot as fuck. Can run circles around the majority of most providers on here.

Overall, you have to make that decision. Weigh the pros and cons. If you're lucky and can find someone who is willing to be as discrete, and won't run and tell her girlfriend about how you knocked the bottom out of it, and won't fall in love with you, then I say go for it.

[coon-ass56]

Dakidone69, just saying, can I take your friend for a latte one day? She sounds like my kinda friend to make happy in her own situation. CA