Where in FW do you go when you leave a strip club with blue balls?

[Sir Lancehernot]

Sorry, I'm still a little inebriated as I type this.

Monday night, a dancer who's entertained me before, approaches me. I am unable to accommodate her that night, but I tell her that I have a free night out on Wednesday and would like to see her then.

So I show up tonight, and, after about an hour, decide that my happiness for the evening shall come form alcohol rather than companionship. After my second Long Island Iced Tea, I get a text: "WYD". At the time I am getting this, shes 10 feet away, and, given my position at the bacj bar, impossible for hr to have missed me. I reply, "Watching you in someone 's lap. Been here more than an hour. Decided my day wasn't going to get any better so opted for getting drunk. About to leave. "

As usual, I could not draw the attention of anyone else who might have been willing to take two or three hundred dollars to pretend to like me for 20 minutes or so in VIP. But here's the problem: I've drunk too much to be able to arrive home without drawing ire. It's a situation that arises frequently. The only options I can think of are Holistic Hottie, Twin Peaks, or driving around until I am sober enough to show up at home.

Am I missing anything?

[Shep3.0]

1. Don't post drunk

2. Don't go-to club if you want sure thing. There are too many variables even at sure thing clubs.

3. Find a go-to regular provider as backup

4. Keep wife happy and don't have her start digging.

My 4 pennies

[Bootiescratcher]

Get an uber or cab! Don't drive drunk!

[Bootiescratcher]

Oh yeah get a good cheeseburger and beat off and call it a night and go to bed. Shep's right, if you want a sure thing find a provider or two that will see you on short notice.

[whosnext]

5. GO to the strip club AFTER a session.

And now you have a nickel...

[dallasadam]

Originally Posted by whosnext

5. GO to the strip club AFTER a session.

And now you have a nickel...

[IMAPACKIN]

McDonald's $2 cheeseburger, Coke and rub one out.

[goodyear2015]

Massage.....

[KFB]

Sorry that happened, going to clubs should be fun and relaxing not drama. I would add if you are going to the clubs for fun, like the movie says ABC, always be closing.

If it were me in this situation, I would have texted her after 10 minutes with something like "I'm here at the back bar, we're still on for vip like we talked about? Don't make me wait too long, I might get a better offer. ;-)" It wouldn't shock me if she forgot you made plans with her. Stewing for an hour sucks, you need to know if you need to make alternate plans ASAP.

After an hour, if nothing is appealing think about going to a different club like Wild or hitting some providers up. I know you're a FW guy but this is even easier in Dallas where the 3 most reviewed clubs are within 5 minutes of each other.

Also dont get too drunk, don't want to get taken advantage of in the bad way by the girls and a dui is like 15k.

[PetrusMaximus]

Are you missing anything?

I would say nothing.

When I go to BDD, I go there with no intention of seeing anyone, though I know a lot of the girls already. I just go there, walk around and not really get into a conversation with any girls.

By the end of the night, I end up with someone who was nice to give me a good lapdance.

I have at least five who I can have the potential of having a good conversation, though.

In your case, keep them plenty.

[AmericanHardwood]

Strip club for appetizers then Amp for dinner.
Or
Amp for dinner then strip club for drinks
Anyway you roll it
The Amp will give you the full meal deal without any hassle

[Sir Lancehernot]

A few quick notes:

1) First and foremost, I shouldn't have posted what I did the other night. I apologize to the brethren.

2) There's a difference between having drunk too much to be able to drive safely and having drunk too much to be able to go home without risking questions. I was in that in-between state.

3) I was asking specifically about FW options. AMPs might as well be in Nepal for all the good they do me. I suppose I could opt for the Chinese business model instead of the Korean and check out a subAMP, and I might do that. Other than that, the question might as well have been just, "Options for FW?", and there just aren't many over here that are very appealing.

4) I probably should have texted her to confirm our "date." Lesson learned.

5) We met up yesterday. She does a pretty good job of playing the seductress, and, this time, she succeeded. I finally managed to nut with someone besides A*****, though issues with being in the sitting position continue diminish the pleasure. I would like to get one of these hotties on a king-sized bed in a decent hotel, with a shower and towels at hand.

6) In addition, a couple of other options may have spontaneously arisen. Anyone have any intel they would care to share via PM about bartender N****, waitress :**** and a new dancer A******** (heavily accented but good English, glasses, very flirtatious)?

[Sir Lancehernot]

Two points of clarification: I drank some more after I got home, thereby inducing the state of inebriation in which I write the original post. I arrived home and raised no suspicions.

And that's waitress L****.

[CowboyDave]

In Ft Worth you don't leave the strip club with blue balls.

[jic980]

Well damn, I'm missing something or doing something wrong.