Caught STI from hobbling - cautionary tale

[Trainwreck120]

Sharing this to hopefully prevent some of you from living this nightmare.

Background is similar to a lot of you guys. Mid fifties, married a long time to woman who's great in every way but bedroom. Sex occurs 3-5 times a year at the most. Great woman, but zero sex drive. Go tired of begging and thought the hobby would be a good way for a physical release NSA.

I've been active for about 16 years, though always as a lurker. I knew the risks going in. I participated in DFK, BBJ, DATY and CFS. Other the a couple of broken condom scares, I did not do bbfs. There was an occasional slipper slide. Every sexual encounter I've had for the past 9 months has been in the hobby.

I was pretty selective on who I saw. All were established for a bit on on here/411. I usually played once or twice a month.

Back in April I saw two separate providers a week apart. First time to see both. Regular activities with both (DFK, BBJ, DATY CFS)though one gave a slipper slide. I didn't ask, but didn't say no either.

About a week after the second visit I noticed a small red irritation on the skin right above the base of my penis. I thought it was an ingrown hair or result of some manscaping I did the week before. By the next day, the irritated area spread about an inch horizontally and started to look like tiny sores. I freaked out.

I like our family doc, but he's the family doc. Known him and his staff for years and couldn't go in with this. Paid cash at an urgent care facility to get an exam and a test. The doctor felt comfortable enough with a visual exam to prescribe antiviral meds. They swabbed for HSV and told me the test results would be back in a week. By that time I had a full flare up around that area on the base on my penis. By the time the call came- I knew what the news would be.

I got a chance to do a lot of research during the primary outbreak. Herpes is weird virus. It's not as simple as having sex with someone who has it. They have to activily be 'shedding' the virus. They will shed heavily during an outbreak and infrequently when they are not (as little as 1%-5%) of the time. The hard part is a lot of infected people don't have visible symptoms when they are having an outbreak.

One of the ladies was likely having an outbreak and highly contagious. Even think a condom was used, there is still a risk of transmission when there is skin to skin genital contact. It could have simply been based on a microscopic cut from manscaping. (Not sure if it means anything, but none of the infected area was where a condom would have been)

Bottom line is I've got it...and I've got it for life. There is nothing I can do to get rid of it.

I know we have gotten pretty cavalier about the risks of the hobby. HIV was the boogeyman that led to safe sex. But as it's become pretty rare to get, people have thrown caution to the wind. You see guys asking for bbfs and providers offering it.

We all need to keep in mind there are other really serious risks. And more importantly high stakes. The only very small silver lining to being in a sexless marriage is I have some time to figure out how to approach this. I'm going to have to disclose it to her at some point and deal with the twin nuclear bomb of the infidelity and the disease.

We have a kid getting married this summer and there is no way I'm ruining that day by dropping the bomb before then.

But it'll come at some point. I feel sort of like 'dead man walking'. Every normal mundane day is a gift because I know there is a point in the foreseeable future where things will never be the same again.

Best case, we go through a lot of counseling she finds it in her heart to forgive me and we move on, though it'll never be the same. More likely case, an ugly divorce that destroys my family, impacts my relationship with my kids and costs me a ton financially.

I feel like I'm living a nightmare. I wouldn't wish this on any one. I've lurked around here long enough to know the normal reaction to these threads is to assume 'OP was reckless, OP was bbfs'ing. Or caught it from a civi. Or maybe his wife gave it to him 9 months ago. '

Rationalization is a natural reaction. But I can tell you those visits were as standard as any in the hobby. If you have anything to lose with an SO, seriously consider quitting. I would do ANYTHING to go back in time and not do this.

BTW, as I don't know which lady may have infected me, I'm not responding to any PM's asking for names or confirmation.

Just be careful out there. Sorry to poop in the punch bowl on a Monday morning.

[Gnostalgia]

well stated. thanks for having the balls to be clear, concise, caring of your fellow man. i sincerely hope you can get through this as unscathed as possible in all depts of your life.

[Jules Jaguar]

I hope you at least let the providers you saw know about this.

Sorry this happened to you.

[Guest110416]

We all know the risks in this hobby and I am sorry that you have what could be an incurable STI, hopefully tho, the meds will work. This board is all about intel and since you just opened up an account a few days ago and starting this thread as your very first post, then other than a sympathy fix, what other purpose does it serve?

[Chung Tran]

while I appreciate your story, you come across like your life is ruined.. you got herpes.. okay.. while I have never got that, many people have, and it doesn't seem to be the near death-sentence you make it out to be.

I believe MOST people that have contracted herpes don't even know it.. and like you said, most of the time you fuck someone who has herpes, you will not get it.

let's say you do catch it.. a few days outbreak that goes away, and may never come back.. ever. sure, it lives in your body, like herpes always does.. even the kind that causes cold sores.. as seldom as you engage with your wife, she would probably never get it from you.

not saying it is okay that you got herpes.. but your pity party attitude greatly overstates the rather minor condition you are faced with.. you should look at the brighter side, and feel blessed you ONLY got herpes.

[BLM69]

I find strange that the first post would be this thread and why not inform others who these providers are? What Intel is the OP sharing besides a great tale? I call BS

[Trainwreck120]

Originally Posted by davidfree986

We all know the risks in this hobby and I am sorry that you have what could be an incurable STI, hopefully tho, the meds will work. This board is all about intel and since you just opened up an account a few days ago and starting this thread as your very first post, then other than a sympathy fix, what other purpose does it serve?

I wasn't asking for any sympathy, I'm a big boy and made my own decisions.

Like you said, the board is about intel. I'm sharing my experience so that others can hopefully learn from it and reassess the risks they are taking.

[Chung Tran]

Originally Posted by Trainwreck1620

I'm sharing my experience so that others can hopefully learn from it and reassess the risks they are taking.

all we know is that you just joined ECCIE to make this thread, and you act like herpes equals a visit to the Guillotine..

[submarineracer]

And I though hobbling only broke your ankles?

Seriously though, go to planned parenthood and get a prescription for acylovir and stay on a daily regimine to keep from having an outbreak.
Might keep you from having to explain since your marriage is pretty much sexless.
Please stay away from hobby.

[Guest110416]

Originally Posted by Trainwreck1620

I wasn't asking for any sympathy, I'm a big boy and made my own decisions.

Like you said, the board is about intel. I'm sharing my experience so that others can hopefully learn from it and reassess the risks they are taking.

As I said, everyone knows the risks involved in participating in the hobby, so that is no intel at all. The intel we are looking for is not that you have an STI, as we are not looking to see and pay you for appointment. We need names of the providers you have seen, and with your history or lack thereof, then anything you do say would probably not be believed.

[Trainwreck120]

Originally Posted by Chung Tran

all we know is that you just joined ECCIE to make this thread, and you act like herpes equals a visit to the Guillotine..

You're right, the impact of the disease itself is more myth than substance. At the end of the day it's a skin condition, not something that is going to kill you or seriously impact your health. It's bringing it home to an SO that's potentially devastating to a lot of guys.

Like I said, my situation is better in that I could can control the potential exposure. There are guys on here who couldn't stop having sex for an extended period of time without raising suspicion.

[JohnnyYanks]

To summarize:

it's the old lady's fault you had to fuck a hooker;
it's the hooker's fault you caught a disease;
it's the disease's fault you have to come clean with the old lady;
it'll be the old lady's decision to dump your ass;
it'll be the kids' decision to react to you differently;

Isn't life great when you put it all on coast?

[Invisible1]

Trainwreck,
Thank you for having the integrity and concern for others to post this.

Good luck to you. You have some difficult times ahead of you.

To everyone else,
Assuming Trainwreck's story is true, there is likely to be at least one provider in DFW hobbyland with herpes (HSV). She is on eccie and/or p411. She may or may not know she has it. And, she appears to have passed it along during a non-bbfs session most likely in April.

We don't know how long she has had it or who gave it to her. We dont know how many other guys she had sessions with after she contracted it. We dont know a lot of things about Trainwreck or the provider.

We do know the virus is out there, that it cannot be cured when contracted, and there is always a possibility that someone is recklessly spreading it.

Trainwreck was kind enough to give a realworld style warning to all of us. I wish him well.

Also, we all know that a herpes virus being passed by an active provider or fucktard may make things worse in the DFW area before it gets better. Trainwreck is reminding all of us that hobbiests and providers should take precautions if they want to minimize the probability of contracting an STD.

[Pillikari]

Since you have a different handle. May 19 2016. The sluts that fave you the herp
Will not know it was you. W the new handle. I think you should tell the members who they are.... They won't know it was you. Otherwise step off. And have a nice day.

[zzzyyy]

Thank you for sharing your story, OP. While we all know there are risks involved, it is a good reminder about what is at stake. I wish you the best with your family.

And, as for "one" provider in DFW having it... Take a look at this link and how common this virus is in the general population.

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfac...s-detailed.htm

I would not be surprised if the rate of infection is substantially higher in the hobby world than the general population. And yes, condoms do not eliminate the risk of transmission.

Edit: Well, after posting this, was curious and googled, and found the following study. As I said, not really surprised at the reported rate in London, but still eye opening.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2870498/