Adultery and Open relationships...Thoughts?

[BellaIsabella]

I am trying to get some thoughts on my current situation, been married two years, I love my husband to death,but I will always need some kind of variety, right now we are apart for a month, but we are thinking of having a more open relationship so everything is out in the open and there is no more adultery.

Anyone have an open relationship?I just think it makes a lot more sense...

Also,maybe this something more is more European, but has anyone lived with their lover and their spouse? Twice the fun? No one is lying?

This is stuff I can't bring up in other places because people will blasting me for being immoral/weird. What's is everyone thoughts?

[Valerie]

My ex and I had an open relationship, it was fun and enjoyable, but to have a successful open relationship you have to agree on your own ground rules, and respect your SO's wishes...

I definitely feel open relationships are more prevalent in Europe ( when I work over there about 45% of my clients are couples)....

If it's something you're comfortable with you should at least try it...

Good luck!

Val

[discreetgent]

I have had an open relationship it was with a lover, not a spouse. It is tricky but doable. Being able to be open with one another is important. In other words if I was planning on sex with another gal she knew about it ahead of time; if it was something that happened with no prior planning I told her afterwards. Similar in reverse. If both can handle that and still understand that they are the one you truly care about it is quite rewarding. It is not at all easy and BOTH parties have to be able to handle it.

[Mazomaniac]

Mrs. Mazo and I have had an "understanding" for the duration of our relationship - coming up on 25 years now.

The key to it working is that we both realize that there's a difference between sex and love.

If we didn't both believe that I doubt it would ever have worked. If you or the SO can't separate those two concepts you're in for serious trouble.

Added to that are a few solid ground rules - ALWAYS safe sex, full disclosure of activities if the other one asks (we found that not knowing tickled the jealousy bug), no fun time with others over more than a weekend (too much chance of emotions taking hold), etc, etc, etc.

It's been a spectacular success in our relationship as evidenced by the length of the marriage. It's been harder on her, though, as she likes girls too. I always have easy access to fun time through the hobby. She has to work at it a lot more. I therefore end up limiting my play time out of respect for her. The last thing I want is for it to seem like the benefit is lopsided.

It's definitely not a lifestyle for everyone and, honestly, every one of the other couples I know who've tried it either gave up or split up. You need exactly the right mix of he and she for it to fly.

Good luck!

Cheers,
Mazo.

PS - I should also add that both Mrs. Mazo and I were west coast, free love, hippy freaks so it kinda came natural for us. Your mileage might significantly vary if you didn't drop acid as much as we did. I think it may have killed off the sex=love part of our brains.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by BellaIsabella

I am trying to get some thoughts on my current situation, been married two years, I love my husband to death,but I will always need some kind of variety, right now we are apart for a month, but we are thinking of having a more open relationship so everything is out in the open and there is no more adultery.

Have you tried the swinging lifestyle? Lot of variety and it can be incorporated into your relationship. Kinda of like taking up golf together instead of separately.

All relationships have boundries or they wouldn't be relationships.....so the concept that an open relationship is better or worse is phooey. It is just another way to label something. Try it, if ya like it then rock on. I will say it can be a tricky matter, trying to scratch one's own selfish needs can come at the expense of the one's we love. Every couple has to make tough choice's. To much self indulgence has its drawbacks....chit fire, I have to watch how much ice cream I eat or I will feel horrible about my fat ass. Same with a relationship, so watch whatca wish for........ just think how to many weenies would make one feel

[guest042111]

I am in an open relationship. Me and my husband have been married for one year now..and becoming a provider was my way to open the doors to the idea. He knew I always had a thing for older men,and this was a way to act out a fantasy of mine. He went on his first date last night . Communication is key. Before this,we both felt like something was missing and that we had to hide things from each other. I was scared to tell him I was interested in variety. We are so much happier now.

[Camille]

I think it's already been said but in different ways....but you have to be really good communicators to make it work (and communication not just being limited to talk). Non of this alluding to stuff rubbish...communicate it. If you communicate well in an exclusive relationship, I would imagine you have a better chance of coloring outside of the lines as it were than those who don't have that ingredient going for them.

Best of luck

Camille x

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by WTF

Have you tried the swinging lifestyle? Lot of variety and it can be incorporated into your relationship. Kinda of like taking up golf together instead of separately.

The two sports even use some of the same terms.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by pjorourke

The two sports even use some of the same terms.

Yeah, there are "holes," "strokes," "balls." Probly others, these are the quick ones...

[Guest053011]

Originally Posted by BellaIsabella

Anyone have an open relationship?I just think it makes a lot more sense...

I highly recommend the book "Ethical Slut" Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt.
You can read a bit about it on Wikki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut

Open relationships are complicated to navigate. This book offers an awful lot of valuable information for those who are embarking on such a venture.

I would start with having a very open and frank discussion about boundaries - things you know would upset you, and listen careful to what might upset him. Be loyal to these boundaries at all costs.

Note the repetition on good communication from above posts.

In the process of having an open relationship you might find a bit of jealousy popping up when you really didn't expect it to: At such a time it's important not to harbour anger or lash out, recognize it for what it is, and have a calm blameless discussion with your husband about it.

Open, honest, calm and understanding communication will be very important in making it work. Unconditional honesty, and unconditional understanding from both parties is necessary.

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Yeah, there are "holes," "strokes," "balls." Probly others, these are the quick ones...

Thanks Chuck. I always appreciate it when you explain my jokes.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by pjorourke

Thanks Chuck. I always appreciate it when you explain my jokes.

YW. I look forward to doing it more. But, sometimes your humor escapes me.

[pjorourke]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

YW. I look forward to doing it more. But, sometimes your humor escapes me.

Biting my tongue and trying to be nice.

[Camille]

Originally Posted by pjorourke

Biting my tongue and trying to be nice.

Hahaha...yes PJ be nice. BIG smile like this

[Rudyard K]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

YW. I look forward to doing it more. But, sometimes your humor escapes me.

Originally Posted by pjorourke

Biting my tongue and trying to be nice.

Wow, I dunno Peej. I'm not sure about that guy...