Help a new fetish lover provider out please

[SweetDulce]

Hi everyone! I have only started providing 5 months ago. After working as a nurse for 12 years, I found myself gravitating toward fetishes and acts that have to do with anatomy of the human body. Such as a thread on here about Penile Sounding!
The problem I encounter is that people expect me to be a Dom while having these type of sessions.
I tried being a Dom and quickly found it was not my forte. So I placed "not a Dom, not a Mistress" on my ads and showcase, but it hasn't helped. Even after being clear with initial communication that I will gladly provide the "different" services the client requests, but without the dominating personality, I start getting called Mistress and asked to "force" "make me" "command me" and " make me your slave."
Am I dealing with a part of sexual society that automatically links fetishes and out of the normal sexual intentions with only BSDM?
or am I missing something or using the wrong terminology?

[The Big Kahuna]

Not necessarily, but I think a lot of guys in the hobby automatically think that if you offer say sounding or strapon service that you will have a dominant streak, when in reality you just like good old kinky fun. Tell them when they make the appointment and if they expect it when you get together, tell them BDSM is not on the menu but kink is. If they want to leave, then let them but charge for your time there. Tell them up front there are no refunds. If they are submissive I doubt they argue too much...just my 2 bits.

[justabloke]

Sue_nami isn't a dom either but she also offers these services.

[SweetDulce]

Thank u big k! Great advice

[Reverseheadstock]

Where are the providers that want themselves to be "made to" as a subbie slave? In accordance with safety, comfort, and local hazmat regulations of course.

[Dale Jr.]

I have a similar issue from the clients point of view. I love being pegged by a provider with a strapon. I do NOT however want to be dominated or be someone's "bitch". Just because I'm into the pegging fetish does not automatically mean I am a sub. I sometimes find that a provider cannot or will not provide a sensual experiene if they are wearing a strapon. I guess having a cock can make some people aggressive which is okay if that is what you are into.
I recently had a provider cancel a session that we had been planning because I made it clear that I did not want to be dominated. I was lucky because she was a professional and respectful of my and her time but it could have turned out to be a bad situation.
I think if you make your intentions known before the session is planned you will avoid some uncomfortable situations. There has to be guys like me who would love to be in your company.

[Winter Monroe]

Ohhhh Dale Jr you scream my name with every post. I should be in Dallas soon. I can passionatly fukkkk you without you being "My Bitch"!! One day....

SweetDulce you can ad and provide whatever you desire. You don't have to be Dom to play in Kink. If the Gent request Dom Behavior tell him that's not you. The greatest thing about being a provider is We MAKE OUR OWN RULES! You have the power to play anyway you want!

Good luck and Happy Hunting!

[Unique_Carpenter]

SD,
Your asking a question which is a variation of an issue runs through our fun world constantly.
Although it involves the communication of expectations, the real issue is each person understanding the others expectations.
Granted, there's a difference between a client having trouble communicating and understanding expectations, and a client disguising expectations.
The first you may be able to work with. The second you simply can't.
Monroe does have the final answer:

Originally Posted by Winter Monroe

You have the power to play anyway you want!

So how do we teach folks to adequately express expectations?
Sigh.
And it's a problem in the civie business world as well.

[SweetDulce]

I need more men like Dale in my city!
Thanks everyone for the advice

[eyefo]

I've read Dale's comments and very much relate to what he's saying.
Maybe I can offer some insight.

Wanting strap-on sex but NOT in a typical Dominant/Submissive scenario can be a very confusing topic.

But this is the only way its erotic for me.

To put some color to this, I'll state my very visceral reaction to Sub/Dom Strap-on play -- NOT as a criticism of Subs and Doms, but to illustrate just how wrong so-called "conventional wisdom" is on this subject from my point of view.

I think Sub/Dom play for me is: stupid, idiotic, impotent, weak, anti-sexual, laughable and an incredibly potent TURN OFF.

In one of my first anal play experiences a provider said something to me like: "have we been a bad boy."

That pulled me right out of the experience... I get ticked off just thinking about it.

IMO, the provider MUST be turned on by it and understand this form of play on the basis of her own sexuality... it MUST be that she really gets into it and it just so happens to be a service you also pay for. Its part of who she is, not something she does.

I can tell you a couple I've been with who "get it" in spades.
Anhellica, Chaz, Maria Alena (retired or morphed)

Haven't seen these ladies yet, but I think Melannie Star is in this unique club, and also Lindsey Lacey.

These providers have such a strong sense of themselves sexually, that they can truly take you on a ride

Without this, I don't think it can work.

[Guest060919]

Many seperate the two. Keep adding to your toy collection, get practice and the business will flow.

[biguywants]

Originally Posted by Dale Jr.

I have a similar issue from the clients point of view. I love being pegged by a provider with a strapon. I do NOT however want to be dominated or be someone's "bitch". Just because I'm into the pegging fetish does not automatically mean I am a sub. I sometimes find that a provider cannot or will not provide a sensual experiene if they are wearing a strapon. I guess having a cock can make some people aggressive which is okay if that is what you are into.
I recently had a provider cancel a session that we had been planning because I made it clear that I did not want to be dominated. I was lucky because she was a professional and respectful of my and her time but it could have turned out to be a bad situation.
I think if you make your intentions known before the session is planned you will avoid some uncomfortable situations. There has to be guys like me who would love to be in your company.

You are right on the money. Love prostate play and strap ons. HATE domination spanking all that Dom talk. I want someone with a strap on to give me a sensual erotic session, not demean me!

Wish there was someone in Bryan/College Station that fit that description

[Jackpotvinny]

Having prefer the non-vanilla activities, I have to agree with Melannie Star. My session with her was totally fulfilling and draining...

[crimson]

Totally in the same boat as Dale.

Originally Posted by Dale Jr.

I have a similar issue from the clients point of view. I love being pegged by a provider with a strapon. I do NOT however want to be dominated or be someone's "bitch". Just because I'm into the pegging fetish does not automatically mean I am a sub. I sometimes find that a provider cannot or will not provide a sensual experiene if they are wearing a strapon. I guess having a cock can make some people aggressive which is okay if that is what you are into.
I recently had a provider cancel a session that we had been planning because I made it clear that I did not want to be dominated. I was lucky because she was a professional and respectful of my and her time but it could have turned out to be a bad situation.
I think if you make your intentions known before the session is planned you will avoid some uncomfortable situations. There has to be guys like me who would love to be in your company.

[sue_nami]

I call myself a sensual service slut top. Altho I do offer Dominatrix services professionally, in my personal life I have no desire to make a guy my bitch. Here with clients I like to have super hot fun wild monkey carnality and we enjoy each other however that works out best but I've found> I do this best from the top. I am a sensual top, I am not your Dominant, I am your equal taking the lead for a bit and we are both enjoying it. I think doing stuff to a dominant man does not make him a sub.and in my personal love life i bottom but not here ever. IMO it has to do with loving men and not being a sadist. I do not enjoy humiliation or degradation and don't view this sort of stuff degrading or humiliation at all