Polyamory

[HugginMan]

Hi folks,

Saw some interest in this topic in the coed forum, so I thought I'd start a thread on it here.

I've been very close to a working triad a couple of times, and close enough to know it's probably not going to happen in this marriage.

Still, the literal meaning of polyamory is "loving more than one", and from that point I'd have to say I'm already there and have been for a long time, with or without sex.

Anyway, I'd love to hear what others think and feel about this, plus any ideas on how it might relate to the hobby.

Thanks in advance!

HM

[LazurusLong]

Check where my handle originates for my answer to this....

It is spelled wrong so it doesn't come up in Google searches.

[HugginMan]

That Heinlein was a wild cat!

[Guest071613-2]

I admit, I am fascinated with the polyamorous lifestyle. I have to say that if the opportunity arose, I would take it. I think it is insane to say that you cannot love more than one person at a time. Polygamy is fine with me, too, if it weren't for all the extremist religion crap that is usually the foundation of those families. Probably why I lean more towards polyamory. I like girls, too, so it would be the best of both worlds for me!

The problem is, most women are petty and jealous.... I wonder what the average life span of a polyamorous relationship is.

[Guest082216-1]

Dannie, its untill my wife finds out I am in one.

[Guest082216-1]

Originally Posted by LazurusLong

Check where my handle originates for my answer to this....

It is spelled wrong so it doesn't come up in Google searches.

One of my fav story lines from him. Have been wondering why your name looked oddly familier

[HugginMan]

Originally Posted by Dannie

I admit, I am fascinated with the polyamorous lifestyle. I have to say that if the opportunity arose, I would take it. I think it is insane to say that you cannot love more than one person at a time.

I'm with you. I'm also sure polyamory is not something most people can pull off for the long haul. I wonder how much of that is because we're conditioned to be possessive in our relationships, with the ultimate ownership being marriage. Then there is the whole issue of wanting to be everything to our SO, and expecting them to be everything to us. None of that is really about love. One of the best things that ever happened in my marriage was when I realized and let go of those two things.

HM

[Krunkman]

Polyamory and the hobby life don't really exist, as far as the definition of it goes. True polyamory (lol... ok, just my definition of it!) is more about multiples of people being with each other because they do love one another. The hobby is more about sleeping around.

Poly relationships are very hard to make work long term. Regular relationships can be tough, and when you start adding a 3rd or 4th or 5th... and complicate that by adding in another man/woman, it's rough. I've met a lot of people who profess to be poly, but only a handful of them actually make it work long-term. In theory it sounds great, but in practice it turns out so much different.

[Guest071613-2]

Originally Posted by Bubba3452

Dannie, its untill my wife finds out I am in one.

It sucks that the wife cannot be involved! In my ideal poly relationship, everyone is under the same roof, but I think that would be everyone's preference who is interested in this lifestyle.

So....are you poly with multiple ladies in addition to the relationship with your wife, or do you consider yourself to be poly because you love your wife and you love another woman as well?

[LazurusLong]

"The more you love, the more you can love--and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had Time Enough, he could Love all of the majority who are decent and just." Me. 3047 CE (Christian Era)

[Guest082216-1]

Originally Posted by Dannie

So....are you poly with multiple ladies in addition to the relationship with your wife, or do you consider yourself to be poly because you love your wife and you love another woman as well?

Well, I actualy do love my wife. 26 years. 10 of the happiest of my life. There is another woman I am in love with as well. Even told how I feel about her in another post here. Loving one does not preclude the other, though if my marrage was really great, I most likely would never have been in a position to meet and fall in love with another woman. 2ed knows of the 1st, but not the other way around. Its actualy sucks. Its hard enough to be all to one person, much less 2. #2 is very understanding but is married as well, so its even harder. If I was not such a wuss, I would make my mind up and let the other go.

[HugginMan]

Originally Posted by Bubba3452

Well, I actualy do love my wife. 26 years. 10 of the happiest of my life. There is another woman I am in love with as well. Even told how I feel about her in another post here. Loving one does not preclude the other, though if my marrage was really great, I most likely would never have been in a position to meet and fall in love with another woman. 2ed knows of the 1st, but not the other way around. Its actualy sucks. Its hard enough to be all to one person, much less 2. #2 is very understanding but is married as well, so its even harder. If I was not such a wuss, I would make my mind up and let the other go.

To me, polyamory is really loving more than one. Ideally, everyone involved knows and supports it. I've experienced that for many years now at the level of intimate loving friendships, but there is a barrier when things get romantic. I currently consider myself to be really in love with three women, but at this time my marriage is the only relationship that includes romance and sex (albeit very little, and not very good).

Bubba, you know your life better than anyone, but I wonder about your statement on how things might be different if your marriage was really great. I wonder if our expectations of marriage, at least here in the USA, are largely unrealistic, and so the idea of anyone being "all" to anybody, and the "better marriage" that many of us imagine, are really just illusions that lead many, if not most, of us into frustration and disappointment.

HM

[Iaintliein]

Originally Posted by Dannie

I admit, I am fascinated with the polyamorous lifestyle. I have to say that if the opportunity arose, I would take it. I think it is insane to say that you cannot love more than one person at a time. Polygamy is fine with me, too, if it weren't for all the extremist religion crap that is usually the foundation of those families. Probably why I lean more towards polyamory. I like girls, too, so it would be the best of both worlds for me!

The problem is, most PEOPLE are petty and jealous.... I wonder what the average life span of a polyamorous relationship is.

+1 with the above noted exception.

As for polygamy, it's a real bitch, take it from me. Every time I say something to my wife I don't know which one will answer; the sweet one or the other one.

Regards,

[TexTushHog]

Go see Woody Allen's Vicki Christina Barcelona. A very good movie that touches on this subject, albeit lightly.