Thank ... you, Sophie .... Bella for saving me the ... financial expense and emotional ... distress of a bitter .... and protracted divorce proceeding

[Carl]

I have spent virtually every single waking moment since 5 pm on Friday the 17th (ironically, perhaps, a day dedicated to stop violence against sex workers) bitterly weeping and snotting all over miniscule pee-pee, using the organic low vicosity mix for lube as I feverishly, relentlessly masturbate to alleviate the overwhelming grief over being stood up at the Hula Hut altar by my once beloved Sophie Bella.

What kind of a tart, nay, what sort of a dizzy minge, pulls a NCNS on her own nuptials? My faith in the basic decency of humanity has been razed and laid to waste.

I suspect her affections towards me all along were simply a sophisticated calculated ruse and that now she has absconded with the $25 gift cards in her bridal registry to ply the favors of strippers and other purveyors of carnality and lure them into her sapphic thrall.

I fear that I am now forced to engage my own Plan B. Thanks to The One Who Must Not Be Named, I am giving up on all women and I'm going to explore homosexuality. I mean, if I'm going to be fucked in the ass this way, I might as well have it done by an expert.

As a now former homophobe, I'm not sure where to begin, but according to their website, Greyhound has a bus arriving from Wichita in a few minutes and I suppose I could just hang out in the bus terminal bathroom and do my best impression of former GOP senator from Idaho, Larry Craig. I'll just play footsie in the stall and see what happens. After all, my folks did pay for tap dance lessons when I was a kid. It's about time I put that training to good use.

[eglrdr]

Poor Carl..the ultimate NCNS, the indignity of it all..shouldn't
this be in the alerts?

Might want rethink that Plan B thing..

[Metal Smith]

Originally Posted by Carl

I fear that I am now forced to engage my own Plan B. Thanks to The One Who Must Not Be Named, I am giving up on all women and I'm going to explore homosexuality. I mean, if I'm going to be fucked in the ass this way, I might as well have it done by an expert.

As a now former homophobe, I'm not sure where to begin, but according to their website, Greyhound has a bus arriving from Wichita in a few minutes and I suppose I could just hang out in the bus terminal bathroom and do my best impression of former GOP senator from Idaho, Larry Craig. I'll just play footsie in the stall and see what happens. After all, my folks did pay for tap dance lessons when I was a kid. It's about time I put that training to good use.

So sorry for your loss Carl, Sophie is a catch on any mans arm.
I should warn you of the potential for danger, considering your recent commitment to homosexual activities. There is a guy, actively cruising bus stops, who will offer you free rent and food for - yes sex!! beware the man calling himself Monkey Paw!!!!

[Carl]

Hmmm, the guy sounds creepy. Like an Edgar Allen Poe story.

[Natalie Reign]

I cannot stop giggling!

I feel like we should have an ECCIE Austin Awards ceremony.

I would award Carl "Best Consistent Use of Humor."

[Carl]

Hey! I'm serious as a heart attack here! What happened to me is about as funny as a crutch!

You kids today have NO respect for your elders...

[ztonk]

I'm really sorry, Carl. But you have to realize that I've got a few more years than you invested in Sophie, and when I read about the impending nuptials, I lost my head a bit. I showered her with lots of pretty gifts for the holidays... things that make her smell even better, and things for her to wear to taunt you before she gets naked and takes your breath away. I wined her, I dined her (um, in both senses of that phrase) and essentially pulled out all my BFE magic to keep her away from you.

My tongue is tired, my lips numb, my member raw, and my bank account is nearly empty, but I think I succeeded in keeping her for a little while longer.

[thegj]

Before you go to the bus stop- schedule with Sensual Sophia and Bella Bee- the you can have Sophia Bella- 2 for the price of 1- you may yet survive

[Carl]

Too late. I just bought new tap dancing shoes. And I'm about to hit the bus terminal and make that little fag, Fred Astaire, look like a rank amateur.