Knowing better

[Rehke]

To preface this one, it's my own fault. While I'm not happy with the outcome of my decisions, in the end, they were my decisions and I can only say that it's unfortunate that some people do not understand how to have someone's back when they do something for you.

But again, it's MY responsibility. And, as a disclaimer, yeah, I'm not above giving karma a nudge here. But this also should serve to illustrate some lessons from the hobby that many others and myself have repeatedly stated.

In the past I chose to help someone out with some fairly hefty expenses and do some nice things that added up to around $1,500. This included some rent, cash, and the sort of things that refresh a young lady (Hair/Nails/Massage/Dinner). With the explicit understanding that this was giving this person a break from a stressful situation and that in return, as this was my hobby budget (and then some), that my hobby activities would be covered for about 2 weeks.

Mind you, I would have been perfectly satisfied with a return of the time and number of calls to match this girl's going rates.

I will also point out that at the time I took this leap of faith, this girl and I did have an arrangement which did include a reduced rate in exchange for a guaranteed expenditure by myself. I gave her my target budget and she set the rate she wanted. It was also assumed that this would continue.

Obviously, since I'm venting, expectations were not met.

What were the warning signs I chose to ignore?

1. Substances. In just about every case where substances are a factor, so is honesty.

2. Honesty. So, the really cute thing is being told that she can't tell lies because she's not a good liar. Then to observe her spin out one on the fly to a third party was really interesting. And there are a few stories that got "corrected" as I spent some time with this person.

3. Too good to be true. Dammit, that one gets me every time. Someone is far too agreeable and makes it like they are really doing you a solid. And when you feel like returning that, well, damn. And, BTW, as it stands, she came out very nicely in the time/money department, probably above her rate if I bothered to add it all up.

4. Too much personal information volunteered. This one took me a while to understand. It's a pretty common tactic with the deceptive. While I happened upon a fair amount of personal information and was able to advise this girl where she failed to protect herself, she did the classic trick of pretending to let me into her life by giving more personal stories. It's a way of pretending to trust you so you feel you can trust them and then you're ripe for the picking.

5. Little miss victim/helpless. The interesting thing about someone acting like they got taken or manipulated is that after a while, when they start talking, they can't and you learn things about them that let you know that there is a good probability that they are not all that innocent. You're led to think someone basically manipulated a girl into providing and that's probably not the case.

A former GF of mine had the philosophy that nothing ever happens to you that you do not ask for in some way.

I'm also reminded of my own words, people do what they fucking want to do.

6. The non-verbal cues. Damned if women do not amaze me the way they can alter they body language to suit their purposes. Fuck, do y'all take lessons in this shit? Blushing on demand? That relaxed, "I feel like I can really trust you" vibe. Seriously, how the fuck do y'all do that? Any females willing to give me a crash course in picking the fake versus the real shit out, PM me. I will compensate for some insight.

7. Too agreeable. Playing the laid-back, whatever you want, I'm going with the flow, oh, that's good advice card. Oh, you're the best. And other little ego flattery strokes.

8. Non-committal/failure to follow through on little things. Actually, I did start picking up on this one. And probably saved myself further wasted investment by doing so.

It's almost comical to watch them go from being very attentive and really keeping in touch to very poor communication after. It's like a dead giveaway. In the end, I have to say, while I got taken for a little ride, I've been taken by smarter than you, babe. Enjoy the short-term gains.

Girls, IDC if you want my money. Fuck, I throw enough of it away as it is. It's fucking DISPOSABLE income. Throw a little damn value my way and you can fucking have it. Do me right and you'll get even more. It ain't that hard. I'm not kidding about what I spend on my "entertainment." Shit, even with me looking to cut back some from my peaks, we're still talking enough for a frugal person to live off. I'm not against a fair trade. But try to use me, that's just crass and there's some other prettier, smarter girl out there that will figure it out and she's going to be living better than you, I'll be happy and you'll still be getting your grind on. (Okay, that was venting...I think it's beer time, LOL)

But hey, on the positive side, one more nice push to exit the hobby. And where I would have been willing to help her out with getting a car, fuck that. I'm out. I would've been pretty happy with a good ATF, but I'll find another way to blow my disposable cash.

BTW, this also serves as a good reminder to refresh myself on the characteristics of the "waif" type Borderline Personality Disorder. There's a lot of commonalities here.

Final word, my fault. Yeah, feel free to comment on my stupidity, naivete, etc. I SHOULD know better. But hey, while I'm jacking off and enjoying a nice break from hobbying, I can work on that shit, right?

[Guest021417]

Been there and have the t-shirt. I could ask who the young lady in question is, but that would be like asking how many stars are in the sky. I will not paint all providers with a broad brush (as was stated in another thread) because this isn't just a provider issue. It is a male versus female issue since Eve offered up the infamous apple.

I have "wasted" about $3K on a young lady who is not a provider. Gave hints about a SB/SD relationship but I was always a mentor figure to her. After the last expenditure of about $800, I think next time I just need to tell her it is pay for play. If she gets pissed and loses all respect for me, I think I could handle it.

However, she still has family in my hometown so she could tell them I am such the pervert. On little things does the world turn

[General Feuerbacher]

Are her initials J. P. ?

[SD2011]

Ahhh... got it

Sorry for your experience. Thank you for sharing.

[pyramider]

Post her taint photos.

[Rehke]

Just a footnote. It is really irritating to have someone complain about how they were used & too trusting only to have them do the same thing to you. Hypocrisy ranks right up there with bullying as far as things that really set me off.

[Guest092216]

I'm sorry this happened to you guys.

Chicks like that fcuk it up for the rest of us. And we wonder why some men end up so cynical.

[Prolongus]

Don't ya hate...gettin'...plaaaayyyyed. ...
I swear it was Providers who negotiated the deals of Manhattan, the Louisiana Purchase and Alaska. We've just been told all along it was... men who did those things.

[Guest112814]

Great post and I advise everyone to read, remember, and put this into practice. Had a few smaller encounters of being taken advantage of because I was a sucker and then recently had it happen again. I was really sucked into this one and didn't pay attention to many of the obvious signs you cite and worse than the money loss is the SUCKER shirt I will wear for a while.

Sad thing is in almost every example of me being taken advantage of, others had warned me or had the signs you mention. I don't hold it against other ladies though, not all are like that and you have to check yourself and remember what the meetings are really about.

[Rehke]

Yeah. It's the warning signs and we don't talk enough about them as men.

The really insidious ones are those that will act helpless & let you come in to save the day & they just have this way of letting you talk yourself into taking that extra step.

I'll say this for the ATF's I mentioned in my other thread. With then it was always an offer of a call or some sort of exchange.

I also find it interesting that this seems more common these days. I mean really prior to several years ago I never ran into this. IDK, maybe just dumb luck.

Originally Posted by EasyLover214

Great post and I advise everyone to read, remember, and put this into practice. Had a few smaller encounters of being taken advantage of because I was a sucker and then recently had it happen again. I was really sucked into this one and didn't pay attention to many of the obvious signs you cite and worse than the money loss is the SUCKER shirt I will wear for a while.

Sad thing is in almost every example of me being taken advantage of, others had warned me or had the signs you mention. I don't hold it against other ladies though, not all are like that and you have to check yourself and remember what the meetings are really about.

[daveindallas]

That sucks.
At least all you lost was money.
Could have been worse.

[bojulay]

A lot of women will piss in their corn flakes just to get them wet it seems.

Never give anyone anything unless you understand that it is a gift and
expect nothing in return.

Have that understanding and you wont be giving much away.

That means never pay for something in advance, ever.

The decision to help someone out should be considered a gift,
because 99 percent of the time it is going to be.

I still help people out but with no expectation of anything in return.
And I never ask for help, my pride wont let me.

[Guest092216]

One of the lastest scams I've personally witnessed is this IOL (illusion of love) that a very skilled provider uses to keep her gents in her pocket. Its really pathetic to see how much these guys want to believe it. They would do anything for her and she is just using them.

The sad thing is, once they figure it out they are too ashamed to come out and admit they got played so bad.

There are some astoundingly crafty ladies here. They see it as a hustler's game instead of a business - big difference.

[Rehke]

Details! Details!

One of the reasons I went into the details on my experience is that while we've all seen these threads before, rarely are there the details that help other guys spot this in the beginning.

Guys, it's like this. If we are too ashamed, and yeah I feel foolish on this one, then we just let this happen to other guys and we do not get feedback that might help us avoid this in the future.

Face it, the number of guys who've been played is pretty enormous. I suspect if everyone was honest we'd all find we all got played in one way or another at some time.

Fuck that. It's not enough to just out someone who is playing the game, out what the game she ran on you was too. Some of this shit is pretty damn subtle.

Originally Posted by thathottnurse

One of the lastest scams I've personally witnessed is this IOL (illusion of love) that a very skilled provider uses to keep her gents in her pocket. Its really pathetic to see how much these guys want to believe it. They would do anything for her and she is just using them.

The sad thing is, once they figure it out they are too ashamed to come out and admit they got played so bad.

There are some astoundingly crafty ladies here. They see it as a hustler's game instead of a business - big difference.

[littlepickle]

Sad as it is, it also happens in the real world with your real life friends. They dig and dig at you until you are just a puppet. Granted I have met some great ladies from here, albeit not all though "hobbying" but we cross paths and speak hush hush. But it just shows your character as one to go out on that limb for that someone in need, be it real or fake. There comes that time ya gotta cut the cord and go your separate way. Lesson learned, but dont let it lessen you as a giving person Rehke.