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Gaining Momentum
Join Date: Feb 28, 2012
Location: Waco
Posts: 66
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A few of my favorite Quotes
Some of these are funny, others are political and others are just others. If I strike a wrong chord with you regarding a quote I'm not interested in an argument. Just sharing these quotes. I'll try to keep them in order by category. If you don't like one section then scroll down. Funny ones should be near the end.
If I hear a quote I like or I read one online I normally save it to a file and upload them to FB every now and then. Though't I'd share what I have collected. Feel free to use these in any way you like, they aren't mine. This is just a small sample. - LB
"You may not like guns, and choose not to own one. That is your right. You might not believe in God. That is your choice. However, if someone breaks into your home the first two things you’re going to do are: 1) Call someone with a gun. 2) Pray they get there in time."
"The defensive firearm is a special-purpose piece of safety rescue equipment, designed to extricate a person... from the immediate threat of savagely violent crime. It is like the fire extinguisher.... Neither piece of equipment will do you any good if you don't know how to use it or are not psychologically prepared to face danger with that gear in your trained hands in a terror situation."
-- Massad Ayoob, Handgun Primer
"If fear alters behavior, you're already defeated."
"False is the idea of utility... that would take fire from men because it burns, and water because one may drown in it; that has no remedy for evils, except the destruction of liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson"
"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you are sure to see every problem as a nail."
- Abraham Masclot
"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously."
- Hubert H. Humphrey
"You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one.
- Edward Keating"
"Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive."
"If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom."
Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Politics ought to be the part-time profession of every citizen who would protect the rights and privileges of free people and who would preserve what is good and fruitful in our national heritage."
Dwight D. Eisenhower
“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”
August Wilson
"A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men"
"I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how he could look up into the heavens and say there is no God." - Abe Lincoln
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how Tough you are it will Beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You me or no nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how Winning is done. Now if you know what your worth now go and get what your worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits. And not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you want to be because of him, her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. Your better than that! - rocky Balboa"
“A Veteran – whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve – is someone*who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to “The United*States of America”, for an amount of “up to and including my life.” That is honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it"
– Author Unknown
"Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery."
"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman"
"If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way."
" Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
"The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. "
"Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. "
"You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. "
"Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. "
"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. "
"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." -*Bill Watterson"
"It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it "
"The two most important rules in a gunfight are: Always cheat and Always win."
"Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."
"Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. I may get killed with my own gun, but he's gonna have to beat me to death with it, cause it's going to be empty."
"If you're not shootin', you should be loadin'. If you're not loadin', you should be movin', if you're not movin', someone's gonna cut your head off and put it on a stick."
"You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the universal language."
"If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck."
" The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle."
"Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't"
"Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak"
"We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public."
" Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."
"The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose."
" My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right."
"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip."
"I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours"
"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. "
"*Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were."
"*Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. "
" Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. "
"For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. "
"Anyone who says they are not interested in politics is like a drowning man who insists he is not interested in water."
"Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. "
" Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes."
"I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me"
"Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. "
" Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment."
"Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes."
"Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge"
"Just when you think you’ve finally hit the bottom, someone tosses you a shovel. "
"The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it. "
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
"Obstruction of justice? No sir, we prefer to think of it 'avoiding complications'."
"Sleep is actually a good substitute for coffee."
"I am currently occupied, give me a couple minutes to get frustrated and then I'll get back to you."
"Cheer up, the worst is yet to come."
"You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.* "
"I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything."
"Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."
"I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?"
"Are you free tomorrow? No, Im fucking expensive."
"Admit it, at least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position."
"Gentlemen you cant fight in here! This is the war room"
If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards." - Tommy Boy
"Installed a skylight in my apartment yesterday. The people who live above me are furious. Steve wright"
"You smell like the splashboard of an Indian urinal during mango season."
"Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. "
"I have never fully understood the female capacity to completely avoid a simple answer to a direct question. "
"Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment."
"Patient: The problem is that obesity runs in our family. Doctor: No, the problem is no one runs in your family"
The ones for which I have a source, I gave them credit. No disrespect to the authors of the ones I couldn't source.
Just a few I have collected. figured I'd share a few than let them sit idle.
Hope you enjoyed at least some of them
- LB
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