Enlighten me!

[China Doll]

Hello, you lovely gentlemen!
This post has two purposes. Number one, I would like you thank the gentlemen of Upstate New York. This thank you goes to the men I have seen and many of those whom I have not. Thank you for:
1) Always treating me with respect both on the boards and off
2) Always treating the other ladies with respect
3) Being far more empathetic to providers than some in other areas of this board. I feel very lucky to be providing here in Upstate New York.
4) Going out of your way to be the gentlemen we ladies want to spend time with
I could go on, but I don’t think I need to. Saying anything more would involve specifics, but this is just a general “thank you” for being so fabulous! So thank you!
Here is the second purpose of this post. As much as I hate to admit it, I don’t know everything. Surprising, I know. I would like to get some opinions on things from the hobbyists’ perspectives. Ladies, please feel free to join in if you have something to add as well!
1) I understand why people get angry when we ladies will not see them. There is one situation that I recently encountered that I would like to share with you. I do not consider sharing this to be unprofessional because of the extent to which this man abused his China privileges. Also, I will not be sharing any of his information.
I chose not to see the man for disrespect he showed some other ladies. I cannot say what it was, but for the sake of argument, let us please assume that my reasoning was sound. I was honest with him in my reasoning and went out of my way to put it quite delicately. He was polite at first.
He messaged me several days later with some very rude things to say. He told me that I was “missing out” because he is a great tipper. He also told me that there are plenty of other “wh*res” he could see. Looks like I actually dodged a bullet, doesn’t it?
As for the "wh*res" comment… [sigh] I may be young, but I’m not young enough to be affected by such childish nonsense.
So here’s my question: Why do men say these things when we will not see them? I understand the basic psychological concept that they need to insult us for rejecting them. What I would like to know is whether or not you guys think they mean what they are saying. Would a man who truly respects providers use this to insult them in the hopes that it might work? Or do the ones who say these things just pretend to respect us until we piss them off? I’m curious!
2) Why do some clients feel the need to find physical flaws and point them out to us? Is it because they feel we should be perfect due to the fact that they are paying us? Is it that they are trying to convince themselves that they can do better? Maybe just a lack of tact combined with a touch of idiocy?

3) Why does the ECCIE board content differ so greatly from the nasty things I have heard about ASPD before it was shut down? Did something change with the transition to ECCIE, or was I mistaken in trusting my ASPD sources?

Now that I have reread my questions, they all seem to be negative in one way or another. I want to make sure everybody knows that I am posting this because I want to hear answers from the good guys, which most of you seem to be. I’m not complaining. Rather, my thirst for the discovery of people’s true motivations for things is getting the best of me! I often think very clinically about my interactions with people, which is probably why stupid things often don’t bother me. This quality of mine is worthless, though, when I need another perspective to make educated guesses. This is where you guys come in. Hopefully.
Disclaimer: I know that not everyone’s motivations for words and actions will all be the same. I just want to know what you think is likely.

[NormalBob]

Originally Posted by China Doll

2) Why do some clients feel the need to find physical flaws and point them out to us? Is it because they feel we should be perfect due to the fact that they are paying us? Is it that they are trying to convince themselves that they can do better? Maybe just a lack of tact combined with a touch of idiocy?

You don't have any physical flaws.

[China Doll]

Oh, NB! You're just trying to get into my pants.

[NormalBob]

I've been rude but short of mean on three occasions.

In all three cases, in the moment I thought I was being disrespected.

While I avoided getting mean or insulting, I was probably out of line and later apologized in the first two cases and would in the third if I thought the provider cared.

Case 1: My request for being screened went poorly and the conversation was off-putting. I reacted. I was wrong and apologized with the third apology being when I was finally screened and we met in person.

Case 2: I had a scheduled appointment that was on track and then got canceled 44 minutes before we were to meet because a higher priority client called. I'd taken the man vitamin and was warmed up and pixxed off. After we talked about it, in retrospect I understood her decision and we got past it fairly easily. The extent of my rudeness was that I withheld being pleasant when I dropped by on an agreed upon basis to give her the gift I had already purchased.

Case 3: I thought I was the target of some pretty insulting words via email sent simultaneously to a board buddy. Again the lack of respect with this one being compounded by other factors.

So...in my case, the rudeness comes easiest when I believe I'm being treated disrespectfully. It is one of the old wives tales that seems to hold up pretty well that men want most to be respected.

[NormalBob]

Originally Posted by China Doll

Oh, NB! You're just trying to get into my pants.

We'll try that next time but I'm pretty sure they won't fit me.

[China Doll]

Originally posted by Normal Bob:
"So...in my case, the rudeness comes easiest when I believe I'm being treated disrespectfully. It is one of the old wives tales that seems to hold up pretty well that men want most to be respected. "

As do women! You and I are the same in that perceived disrespect from others brings out our inner devils. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[China Doll]

NB, I'd still like to know one thing, though, if you are comfortable sharing. Try to think back to those times when you felt disrespected. Do you think that a man who is as respectful as you are toward women is capable of breaking out the "wh*re/sl*t/"scum of the earth" insults if he feels slighted enough?

[NormalBob]

Originally Posted by China Doll

NB, I'd still like to know one thing, though, if you are comfortable sharing. Try to think back to those times when you felt disrespected. Do you think that a man who is as respectful as you are toward women is capable of breaking out the "wh*re/sl*t/"scum of the earth" insults if he feels slighted enough?

In this regard, I'm not normal.

Two mothers, a slew of sisters with no brothers, one wife, two daughters and no sons...

It is extremely rare for me to launch a gender based insult and it tends to be limited to "bitch" since "bastard" doesn't work well with women.

I would like to think I wouldn't go there and given the interactions with well reviewed providers, it is hard to imagine the circumstances where I'd find myself confronted with the opportunity.

Plus in retrospect, I realize I cannot understand the provider's perspective now or ever. Going overboard with the insults would take a level of arrogance I don't think I have (or like to pretend that I don't have).

Case 1: The provider was right to screen properly

Case 2: The provider made a caring decision and trusted her relationship with me to be able to make the choice to see the other guy while telling me why she did it that way

Case 3: The provider probably reacted thinking the board buddy and I had violated her confidentiality or disrespected her ability to take care of her own business.

[jackfengshui]

The "gentlemanly" behavior that you described is just common decency, but thank you for acknowledging it.

I don't have any particular insight to your questions, but I'll give it a try.

1. It is natural for a hobbyist to feel hurt after being turned down by a provider. Whether one chooses to move on or to lash out is a reflection of the person's true character.

2. Pointing out her physical flaws to a lady makes no sense to me. It is impolite and guarantees to spoil the session. The only motivation I can think of is to elevate oneself.

3. The degree of civility in a discussion board depends primarily on self-policing and self-restraint among its members and, to a lesser extent, on the administrators and moderators. Thanks to the proper tone set by the early contributors, ECCIE has started off on the right foot. Let's all try to keep it that way.

[Perryay]

China Doll - We've never had the pleasure but I'm hoping to correct that some time soon. It would appear that you possess the ability to screen out the less than desirable men who could only hope to be called "gentlemen". There is never an excuse to demean or be utterly rude to anyone. Yes, the ladies are providing a service and in many cases fulfilling needs and fantasies that may not be available otherwise. The acceptance of money does not diminish the value of you as a person, in fact we normally appreciate the ability to receive goods and services commensurate with the value received. This is a situation that I find no different. We may as individuals, have various motivations for participating in this environment, but I for one hope to never visit with a lady who does not think highly enough of herself to value her time and efforts and screen properly to protect herself physically and emotionally. It sounds like you have "it" very much together and you will be sucessful in most anything you decide to pursue. In the meanwhile, uphold your standards and allow the lowlifes to crawl back under their rocks and hopefully drown in their own slime. As always, take care & play safe!

[summerwaves]

You rejected a guy and his true feelings came out. Not a good thing for a guy to get rejected by an escort or find out other escorts have spoken badly about him. It sounds like you repeated to him what other escorts told you about him. Not a good thing. Correct me if I am wrong. If I am correct, please do not do this. Other escorts may get the bullet you dodged. There is no need to give reasons for not seeing a gent. Simply don't reply or say you are booked and will get back to him when you have an opening.

[summerwaves]

"""""2) Why do some clients feel the need to find physical flaws and point them out to us? Is it because they feel we should be perfect due to the fact that they are paying us?******

Simply stated.......yes, absolutely. But don't bother yourself about that kind.


**Is it that they are trying to convince themselves that they can do better?**

Good question.


****Maybe just a lack of tact combined with a touch of idiocy?"""""

It's definitely a lack of tact but I don't believe it's "just" a lack of tack!

[China Doll]

Summerwaves, you are wrong. There is far more to this situation than I would care to share, but this man's story was just an example meant to illustrate an idea. Also, whether it is a good idea or not, I will always tell a man why I will not see him if it is due to something incredibly disrespectful that he did to me personally. Sometimes they deserve to know, I think.

Originally posted by Jackfengshui:
“1. It is natural for a hobbyist to feel hurt after being turned down by a provider. Whether one chooses to move on or to lash out is a reflection of the person's true character.

2. Pointing out her physical flaws to a lady makes no sense to me. It is impolite and guarantees to spoil the session. The only motivation I can think of is to elevate oneself.”

“A reflection of the person’s true character.” Indeed it is, my dear…but does it mean that he means what he says?

I can’t think of any motivations for pointing out physical flaws, either. It has been my experience that most of the time, a man will manipulate his words to make the insult seem like a compliment. Example: “You don’t look good from the back, but I like it because I like you.” Ha ha!

To Perryay: I like you. I agree with everything you said except for the compliments, because that would be immodest. I thank you for them. And secretly agree with them.

[offshoredrilling]

I have to the the strangest guy on this board. I have rejected many, and been rejected. As I see it I only repeat with what I like, and I feel it back. I try to keep it to 2 to 4 only. As it is ture I would like to met many on this board, But it also true most I will never met. This comes from where I came form. The AC bar many have to see every girl. And speak poorly about all. I found date a few and repeat only with the ones you gotalong with. And So I have dated some providers longer than many married folks stayed married. I find this works for me. But I have always wondered and more so after joining a board, if me keeping to a few is because I have never married. Not from the lack of trying. Its not the sex that I am missing, but rather the relationship.
I have always been the last to try the new girl. And many times I was the last to see her as a provider. Try not put any down. And stick to what works form me is the way I see it. I may post alot, but I really do not fit on any board.
If it dos not work for her or me. No reason to get mad. For there are so many providers. And a few will alway be what I want and need.
When I first joined a board, I saw a lot of new to me, for me. Yet still fewer than most.
Darn reread and I don't understand some of it. Owell post it

[Biomech]

China Doll, in response to questions 1 & 2, I would theorize that the occasional bad apples you encounter are likely men who either consciously or unconsciously harbor hostility toward women in general. Either they have had bad male role models as kids or they are just largely unsuccessful with women and thus resent them because they make them aware of their own limitations and inadequacies. And of course it is always easier, and far less work, to simply blame or belittle others than to face the truth about ourselves and strive to change what we don't like.

Another theory is that many people are simply rude consumers. We've all seen them, right? These are the types of people who are unnecessarily mean to waitresses, salespeople, cashiers, etc... or people who go to sporting events, movies and concerts under the assumption that their paid admission now gives them a license to act inappropriately and with complete disregard for those around them.

In any event, it is not your job to placate damaged egos or accept bad behavior, nor should you ever apologize for having standards or for demanding to be treated respectfully. In fact, these qualities will only make the real gentlemen want to see you more.