So I've had the pleasure of making acquaintance with your city during two trips here in the last month. I'd like to thank you all by proxy with a little missive as I've enjoyed my time here quite a bit.
The City
I was a little surprised by the nature of downtown itself. It's smaller than I expected. It's also cleaner than I expected. Having lived in Chicago and NYC it's quite a bit different. Not certain I could live here, but hell it's a great place to visit!
The Women, and The People
So first off, holy SHIT! There are a lot of hot looking women walking around! Hotel lobby has been filled with hot women in sun dresses walking around with bottles! Thank you miss for being born! But pretty much everywhere you go, there's someone hot as hell within view. It's really great! and for the most part, everyone is really friendly as well. You can say hi or ask a question and not get the "who the fuck are you talking to" act. Case in point, I went into XTC the other night because the last time I was here there was like a 2 mile long backup to get into the place and I had to check it out. I'm a middle-aged white dude. That made me the most out of place motherfucker in there, but never for a moment did I feel uncomfortable, no one looked at me like "what the hell are you doing here?" A young black girl even grabbed my junk as she walked by (it was sooo damn crowded I couldn't even turn around to return the favor). I was impressed. So a general thank you from me to everyone.
The Traffic
Ummm, how can I put this besides... bizarre! There is so much crazy traffic here, but it's different. If you put on your blinker, people let you in. But PLEASE! If it's you doing 35 in the fast lane MOVE OVER!!!! I don't think I've ever seen a place that ignores the "keep right except to pass" methodology so much. Grandma in the fast lane (or worse the HOV) swearing to the Almighty that she has every right to that lane no matter how slow she's going, and Goggles Pisano weaving in and out going a hundred. I'm surprised that I've only seen one overturn.
And is the ENTIRE state of Texas under construction? Holy fuck! It's EVERYWHERE!!! You can almost not avoid it. Hopefully you get more flow when whoever is getting all the kickbacks gets out of office.
And the cars. I've seen 4 McLarens here! That's amazing, not to mention Ferraris, Lambos, things I don't even know of. And what's with the white Vette's ? Someone buy a black one!
Last traffic question. "cell phones prohibited" in school zones. HUH?
The Strip Clubs
Clubs in Indianapolis blow chunks. Here, I finally felt like home in many a long year. Not since the No. 5 Orange in Vancouver have I enjoyed strip clubs so much. I've been to about half a dozen. Each one is built like like a damn palace. It's awesome. Baby Doll's 7 fucking stages. I've been here about a total of 8 days and waitresses, bartenders and penguins know me. If I lived here I would need a 2nd traveling job just to stay afloat. Probably should have played more Prince this week, but that can't really be a complaint can it?
Probably one last ride tomorrow night. Lemme buy you a beer.
Parting Shots
Dallas, you're a good city. You've got a flavor all your own. As I said, I'm not sure I could call you home and I didn't get the chance to check out your golf clubs, but I like you. You've given me pleasure, you've given me pain (the good kind
) you have history, culture, tragedy and triumph. I shall nestle in your ample bosom again.
~Theo
A Review of sorts: Dallas Itself
