Am I Happily Married If I Hobby Secretly?

[Reeltalk]

Providers on the board - please "provide" with your most honest input here. I am a very happily married guy (I firmly believe) who has so far, merely "dabbled" in the hobby a wee bit. But I suspect that most here would probably concur . . . a lil' dab-a-do-yah - which I also believe may inevitably lead into full-on, full-blown, hobbying.

But what I really want to know is - what do providers really think of married guys, or better yet - married guys who contend or even swear (like me) - that they are very "happily married".

Am I really happily married if I'm out here hobbying? Does the secrecy or dishonesty of it (my hobbying), affect or change the dynamic of whether or not I truly have happiness at home with the missus? Or is it all just simply a matter of "opinion" due to how we all may separately define what "happiness" really is?

Please take into consideration that I am not asking this in the context of a deep, philosophical question, but more in the context of your own personal opinion about the quality of a relationship between a hobbying man and his beloved spouse - who believes himself to be quite happily married.

So ladies . . . would you say it's possible . . . to be a very happily married hobbying man? - Reel.

[Ashlee Valentine]

I'm not married never have been but I do not think that just because you hobby secretly means your not happily married. When I first started I didn't understand why married men did this whole hobby thing but then I realized.... That's why they call it the "hobby".... It's a hobby that some men have and enjoy doing for many different reasons just like women, everyone has a hobby or something they enjoy and yours just happens to be "the hobby" : ) just think about it like this..... You secretly hobby because it's probably almost impossible to tell your wife without her freaking out just like how she probably hides all new shoes and handbags etc. From you because she knows if she tells you that she spent 500 on a new purse that she just had to have..... Husband probably isn't going to be happy.... Lol like i said I'm 19 never been married so it's a lil difficult for me to speak on this thread but figured I'd post my opinion.... Hope it helps a lil bit atleast

[Tony Patella]

Never mind...

[filbone]

Are you happily married if something is lacking in your marriage? My feeling is if I were truly happily married, my wife would be enough.

Married men see providers to get something our wives won't provide. Some of those things are within a wife's ability to provide (CIM, COF, greek) but maybe she chooses not to. (Or maybe she doesn't know you even want to, which means you need to speak up and give her the opportunity. "Honey, I really want to come in your mouth and if you won't go for that, I want it enough to get it from another woman.") Other things are not, such as age, variety, and firmness.

I don't think we'll get a lot of negative opinions on married men from providers because that could drive away most of their business.

[Prolongus]

Originally Posted by Ashlee Summers

I'm not married never have been but I do not think that just because you hobby secretly means your not happily married. When I first started I didn't understand why married men did this whole hobby thing but then I realized.... That's why they call it the "hobby".... It's a hobby that some men have and enjoy doing for many different reasons just like women, everyone has a hobby or something they enjoy and yours just happens to be "the hobby" : ) just think about it like this..... You secretly hobby because it's probably almost impossible to tell your wife without her freaking out just like how she probably hides all new shoes and handbags etc. From you because she knows if she tells you that she spent 500 on a new purse that she just had to have..... Husband probably isn't going to be happy.... Lol like i said I'm 19 never been married so it's a lil difficult for me to speak on this thread but figured I'd post my opinion.... Hope it helps a lil bit atleast

Well said, Ashlee. I love my wife and she is my best friend, however, she just does not enjoy sex like she used to and when we do it, she wants it to be over after her 1st O (10-15 minutes). She tires easily whereas I want to go for an hour. So many times she got hers and I didn't get mine...so that's why I'm here.

[cabletex7]

No, you're happily married if you hobby openly.

[Chevalier]

As prologue: Happiness is not an absolute, binary, "yes/no" question. It's a continuum. There is evidently something missing from my marriage or I wouldn't have tried P4P, but my situation is not the same as some guy who no longer loves his wife at all and is only sticking around because of the kids or the prospect of financial loss in a divorce.

But as far as the ladies' perspective: I'm quite certain that some of them feel some ambivalence about married men in P4P and some may even have a strongly negative opinion of us. (If so, I can't really argue with that.) Others may not be bothered by it. But it's probably difficult for some ladies to avoid comparing us to their SOs, and worrying about whether they are also unfaithful, or to avoid feeling some degree of solidarity with the wronged members of the "sisterhood."

Few ladies, however, will feel responsible or complicit for their clients not being faithful to spouses. Nor should they; that's the client's decision and responsibility. I've sen a few ladies publicly admit to a slight degree of discomfort or ambivalence about seeing married men, but it's pretty rare and certainly less frequent than those who really are uncomfortable with it. Few are in a financial position where they can be choosy enough to alienate potential clients who are married.

So your inquiry is unlikely to elicit a representative sample of how the ladies really feel.

[Hardallnight]

I am very happily married with nothing missing in the sex category either. Why do I hobby? I Love variety or maybe I'm just a sex addict?

[Gonzo DFW]

Agree with chevalier. Providers know that most of their clients are married, and reconciliation with that fact occurred before they committed to this profession, or should have. And most of the providers I've encountered do treat it as a profession. If I hobby and I'm married, and I do and I am, the burden is on me, not the provider. Although that devil woman thing is, to quote myself in a more mischievous context, kickin'.

[pmdelites]

i'm not a provider nor do i play one on cable tv. i do provide consulting fees to some women.

to me, happiness and satisfied are two different concepts. and hobbying is only tangentially related to these concepts.

a few of the providers that i visit have asked me if i'm married. i have told a few providers that i am. if i believe what they've said, five of my favs are married or in a committed relationship. from both sides, i have yet to see how our personal relationships have affected any of my visits w/ them. i dont think that any of them are interested or care if i'm happily married [if so, they havent asked me]. i think they're more interested in the encounter and the consulting fee i bring.


sidebar to happy and satisfied being separate concepts...
i could be unhappy in my marriage [cos of no shared values, interests, etc.; maybe cos of fighting over money or the kids, etc.] while having a sexually satisfying marriage [perhaps we put it all aside and have terrific sex].

or, i could have a happy marriage but not be satisfied in the sexual department [cos she might only want it once in a blue moon, or only want missionary, or only want to jack me off].

[Boltfan]

Married,

Hobby,

She knows (and encourages it, outsourcing pussy she calls it)

I have a pretty insatiable sexual appetite and she has learned that no matter how good our sex life is (and it is awesome) I will ALWAYS want more than she is physically capable of providing. We had somewhat of a polyamorous relationship in another city with another woman we both enjoyed but have yet to find that here. I would say she has been more open to this because she does not want a stranger in our home getting close to the family, etc. because what we had before was extremely unique. Should we fall into that once in a lifetime situation again where I essentially have a second SO for sexual gratification she might discourage the spending on the hobby and I would accept that. We are, after all, best friends as well as being married.

Originally Posted by Reeltalk

Am I really happily married if I'm out here hobbying? Does the secrecy or dishonesty of it (my hobbying), affect or change the dynamic of whether or not I truly have happiness at home with the missus? Or is it all just simply a matter of "opinion" due to how we all may separately define what "happiness" really is?

Would it destroy your marriage if she found out or is it more of a "don't ask don't tell" policy? Does she deep down know you are getting it elsewhere and she is passively giving approval? That question can really only be answered by you.

[Gonzo DFW]

That's a great relationship you have, Boltfan, but I'm sure you know that. Also agree with Rivers MVP. He's carrying that team.

[looiecypher]

NO

[TinMan]

Happiness is a warm gun.

And that's as introspective as I get.

[anova444]

I prefer married men. The happier, the better. No need for me to be in your personal bizz and vise/verse.

Analisa, helping you to live happily ever after, oxo