nothing reply anything you want

[jokacz]

Always loved this:

[cnym]

The Magic Penis

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied while he was away. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, ‘Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except.. "The Magic Penis!"

The Husband said, 'The what'?
The man repeated, ’The Magic Penis' and pulled out what seemed like an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!' The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Magic Penis, the door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to your box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had been gone a few days, the Wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my crotch.'
The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got into her car and started for the nearest hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.
He asked her for her license, then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said,
'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'
The officer looked at her for a few seconds, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah.. right... now I've heard them all Ma'am,

Magic Penis....... my ass...!!

The rest, as they say, is history...

[jokacz]

[GP]

Originally Posted by jokacz

That's what my breakfast looked like today!

[Doove]

Originally Posted by GP

That's what my breakfast looked like today!

I was gonna say...

[offshoredrilling]

[jokacz]

[MC]

[jokacz]

[offshoredrilling]

Originally Posted by imabout2

What do you do when you find out your best friend's significant other is a provider? You made the call , you make the trip, got your ticket to take a dip. She opens the door and there you stand, and the only words out of her mouth were holy shit! You look up into her eyes and see nothing but the door slamming into your face! The words cry out from behind the door were get the fuck out of here! I stop to pause as I know that voice, and a cold sweat runs down my head. Needless to say I'm scared as shit for what I was about to hit! I know her well as she knows me, and now I'm afraid of what will happen to thee! Please help me out boys and of girls for I no not what to do next! I want to laugh about my trip but don't want to let it slip. For my friend knows not what she does, and I don't want my friendship to go from present to was!

ahhhhhhhh

[offshoredrilling]

ok done thinkin.
If I was lookin
and she be wellin
I be pushin

[jokacz]

[Guest091813]

[GP]

That guy is awesome!

[Guest091813]

lol..i being the dork that i am..played this video like 8 times and wiggled all over the place to it!!ahhahahahhah...he def knows how to get the ladies eh!
i love how he incorperated moving pushups into his routine!