Quote:
Originally Posted by Valerie
(Well my version of polite & all in good fun of course)
So having just read the other thread for the ladies, I thought I'd make one for all you cheeky bastards 
1. Sort your breath out- Gum, mouth rinse, tic tac, I don't care how you do it, but don't come round trying to give us a kiss if you breath smells like something died in it. ( That big fuck off bottle of Listerine in the bathroom isn't there for decoration, use it!)
2. Take a shower- Unless you've just stepped out of the shower right before your booking, take a fucking shower when you arrive. No one wants to smell your sweaty ass, showers don't take long so just do it. I'm not minging, nor should you be.
3. Don't use all my towels- This is one of my personal pet peeves, don't use 4-5 wash cloths/towels please. A towel for after you've showered, fine. A towel to wipe your hands after you've washed them, fine, but don't take the piss. There should be no reason why 4-5 of my towels should be wasted on one person unless you're just a fucking idiot.
4. Don't bang on the door loudly- Discretion is important, so when you arrive at the hotel, there is no need to knock like you're a copper who's coming to get me. A gentle tap will suffice.
5. Cut your fucking fingernails- If you're a fan of finger banging, you better keep those bad boys trimmed all the way down, otherwise don't even think about putting them anywhere near my cunt.
6. Shave/trim your bollocks!- (This really only pertains to those who enjoy being rimmed or having their balls licked) If you think I'm going to go anywhere near that area with my tongue when you look like a fucking gorilla down there, then you're having a laugh.
7. Don't take shit at my incall- If you do, fuck you, you're fired.
8. Don't ask how many others I've seen- It's none of your business. When you arrive at my incall you will not see any indicators that others were there before you, so don't bother asking unless you just fancy getting yelled at.
9. Don't ask me for specific details of where about my incall is- I will make sure you have all the info you need in an appropriate time frame before our date, so don't even think about asking me what hotel I'm going to be staying at a week before.
10. Personal details- If I don't choose to share info about my personal life with you, then don't ask me a bunch of detailed questions about it, it's not your business.
If I think of more I'll be sure to add them |
Dear Miss Valerie,
Thank you for the reminder, I will take notice and do the followings next time we meet again. Last time we met, I had garlic pasta at my mom’s house before we met. My apartment was doing major water line repair so I didn’t have any water to shower. My apologies for using so many towels, they are so soft and clean. I only have one towel that I use many times over. Next time I will not bang on the door so loudly, there was a short Hispanic maintenance guy following me to your in-call apartment location so I just wanted to get in as fast as I could. I dropped my nail clipper in the gutter while I was clipping my toenails outside so I didn’t get to clip my fingernails that day. Sorry for my hairy balls and ass, razors are kind of expensive now these days. When a man’s got to go, he’s got to go. Please have some toilet paper next time I visit, you were out that day, so I had to use something else. Hope you didn’t mind. I promises I will not ask how many guys you’ve seen when I see you at 5pm. Next time I will not ask for your specific in-call location, I just wanted to see how far it was from my mom’s house. Last, I will not ask for your personal details, such as do you have a husband, do you have kids, you have your own house, what kind of car do you drive, how much money do you make, how much money do you have in your 401K, do you have pension plan, do you have 529, do you have stock options, do you have IRA or Roth IRA…Sorry I’m getting carried away again.
Next time I will keep this in mind and follow as a reminder. Thank you for sharing.
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