Stupid Jokes Thread

[ffireman]

all classics and yes I almost died at the stump one

[Buckskin]

Wanna hear a clean joke? John took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke? Bubbles is a man.

[Guest062716]

An Austin couple, celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, checked into the Driskill, the same hotel in which they consummated their marriage.

Following a nice dinner, the couple retires to their suite.

The wife, reflecting on that night a half century ago, asks her husband, "Honey, On our honeymoon, as I stood right here, and you saw my naked body for the first time, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "When I first saw you in all your natural glory, dear, all I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your titties dry."

The wife smiled, slowly dropped her nightgown and stood there and said "Honey, what are you thinking now?"



"Looks like I did a pretty good job. dear."

[Ivanka Diablo]

why don't witches wear underwear when riding a broomstick? because is gives them better traction. hehehe

[chapullin]

Can't wait to see you tonight in Waco milana

[happy the clown]

A young boy went into the local brothel and told the madam he wanted a girl. The madam smiled at the boy and told him he needed to practice first. She told him there was a tree out back with a knot hole in the side and to go practice on that first. The boy sighed and went out back. The next day he came back and told the madam again he wanted a girl. The madam not wanting to hurt his feelings told him again that she wasnt sure he was ready quiet yet and to go out back and practice some more. The young boy hung his head and out back he went. The third day he showed up again and told the madam he wanted a girl. The madam shrugged and sent to boy upstairs with one of the girls to become a man. A few minutes later the madam heard screaming coming from upstairs. She ran up the stairs and down the hall and threw the door open to see the boy jabbing a broom handle into the terrified screaming girls pussy. "What the hell are you doing" she shouted! The boy looked back at her and said "Checking for squirrels!"

[Your Dezire]

Ok people Dezire is bored and this board has been to quiet. So here re a few ideas for us to amuse ourselves
Sit on the side of the road in your car pointing hair dryer at passing cars just to see there reaction.....
Lets go to Walmart go into the dressing room yell to the attendant "Excuse me your out of toilet paper in here. "
Or skip around the store throwing skittles t everyone"Yelling Taste the Rainbow''
Oh yes this is what happens when I have been left alone an unattended.
Mwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Kisses for everyone

[Guest042015]

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"

[Guest062716]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[clegs]

A man goes to a golf pro for some advice on his grip. "Well, what should I do?" asked the man.

"Hold the club gently" the pro replied "just like you'd hold your wife's breast".

Taking the advice, he took a swing, and POW, he hit the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson, and, the wife couldn't wait for her lesson.

The next day, the wife went for her lesson. The pro watched her swing and said "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard".

"What can I do?" asked the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's manhood".

The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing, and... THUMP! The ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.

"You know, that was a lot better than I expected" the pro said. "Now, take the club out of your mouth, and, hold it in your hands.

[Guest042015]

Bwahahahaha!!!

Ok but seriously...... Whose wife actually gives blow jobs?

[Guest062716]

Originally Posted by DDMcGee

Bwahahahaha!!!

Ok but seriously...... Whose wife actually gives blow jobs?

LMAO!

[kristi.loveTX]

A housewife is home alone when the doorbell rings.

She opens the door to one of her husband’s coworkers, Tony. "Is Steve home?", he asked.

The wife replies, "No, he went to WalMart but will be back in about half an hour, you can wait here if you want."

She brought Tony a beer and the two of them set down in the living room. After a moment of silence Tony says, "You know Sara, you have absolutely the nicest breasts I have ever seen. I will give you a hundred bucks if you will just show them to me. I promise not to say anything to Steve."

Sara thought about it for a moment, what the heck – she could use a hundred bucks and what’s the real harm? Sarah untied her robe and dropped it from her shoulders to give Tony a great view. After a minute, she covered up and he promptly thanked her, placing a Benjamin on the table.

They sit there for a little while longer and Tony says "You know Sarah, that was so incredible and I hope you don’t mind me saying that you got my blood rushing a little bit. You know, I have another 100 bucks if I could just suckle them for a minute.”

Sarah thought – Tony had been polite and generous, there is so much more she could do with $200 versus $100…….. so she dropped the robe and pulling his head to her breast, saying “come to Momma”, while Tony gladly fondled and suckled her ample breasts for a couple of minutes.

Tony pulls out a second Benjamin, thanked Sarah and said he had to run and would catch up with Steve at work tomorrow.

Steve arrived home shortly, Sarah met him at the door with a beer and said, “You just missed Tony, he stopped by here a few minutes ago.”

Steve said. “Great! Did he drop of the $200 he borrowed from me at lunch?”

[knotty man]

damn ! i wish my name was Tony !!

[Guest062716]

Originally Posted by knotty man

damn ! i wish my name was Tony !!

LMAO!

Now that was funny.