Who is actually "COOL WITH" (and can handle) having a Provider as an S.O.?

[SashandTorture]

I could be convinced to have a SO in the hobby, if the trust is established and maintained. We can not have secrets - secrets kill relationships. After all it is a job - yes, sex is involved and some of the truth may hurt. It would require work from both sides to understand that love and sex are two very different things. The problem is most people are inherently possesive and jealous.

[TheWanderer]

Originally Posted by Dannie

Nothing says "I care about you" like a man doesn't mind at all if his girlfriend takes chances with her health, life, and freedom on a day-to-day basis! How sexy is that?!?! I mean...she could be getting roughed up, but hey, she could be having a blast! You never really know, and that's just so frikkin' hot!

Seriously, any man who REALLY loves/cares about a woman, wants more for her than providing. Period. I know we like to pretend that this is very safe as long as you screen (screening helps but is never 100%), and the ladies are really here for the anonymous sex, but let's get real. It's a risk in many directions and a guy who is supportive of such a lifestyle is either an idiot, or he's just not that into the chick. If he cared, he wouldn't want her taking these kinds of risks IMO. Being "okay" with it as a stepping stone to get her to a better place in life, getting through school, swinging, I understand; being thrilled that your girlfriend is a hooker as her sole means of support.. something is not right with that, unless of course the guy is benefiting from it in some way and that is another topic. A couple that is involved in the swinger lifestyle and the wife provides for fun because she wants to is one thing. Most of the time, guys are "cool" with it for all the wrong reasons, as mentioned above in TheWanderer's post (which I thought was great!)

Anyway, I'm with Dharma. I'm not okay with a guy who is okay with it.



I loved the above post

Thanks Dannie. I agree. I would never want a woman I cared for to expose herself to such risks.
Hell, I would not even want her using the weed-eater.
She can trim the hedges sure, woman are usually more artistic than men and do a better job with those.
But no dangerous stuff for my lady....

[Maverick972]

I thought long and hard before posting...but I would be cool with it, in fact it may be a better fit for some. Every one has there own brand of "weird" and I am not an easy guy to be in a relationship with. And their are many factors that make a relationship work. I would not bring it up or refer to it. My main concern would be safety. But, at the end of the day I guess you have to give it a go be honest and up front. Communcation is key.

[kend61]

Like Maverick I thought long and hard before posting. I think I would love to think I would be very cool with idea and respect her for wanting to do her thing and be independent. I would like to think I could respect that and be ok with it. But having befriended someone years ago and being in that situation I learned that I could not be that respectful or supportive. Not saying I didnt any to be unsupportive, but it just didnt feel rt. I would never tell her to stop Im not controling like that, but I definetely wanted her to stop (as I would have as well). Safety is a big issue and I did worry but I just felt we were losing out on something by her working it just didnt feel right. Much like some of the ladies said and some of the guys, ultimately I think I would my lady to be a one guy lady and I would want her to just want me. I would do everything I could to help her leave, but I know for some that is easier said than done. I just think it is a very trick and difficult situation. Can it work, yes for some I think it can. But I know for me if I ever fell for a provider I would definetely want us both to leave. So anyway wanna leave with me LOL just kidding

[DukeCooper]

I would date a provider. I could think of a recent one I would too. For me it's more a partnership based mostly on chemistry. i don't care if she fucks other guys as long as she doesn't mind me fucking other girls. That said, when I start feeling like pursuing it further I usually back out. Self preservation.

[Bushaholic]

For a girl to know if a guy is cool with it, IMO she has to really know what's going on in his head.

I'm not wired for monogamy, never have been, and because I know that about myself, I may have a different view of things. In a relationship there are but a few choices for me...either I'm going to be sneaky behind her back doing things (hobbying & picking up girls), or we need to be swingers (which is fair for both sides), or we should both be allowed to f**k others (hobbying or having fuck buddies).

If I'm going to be f**king others (and I will), then it's only fair she has the same option. I believe problems and resentment arise in a relationship when one side thinks they get to do things (taking liberties) the other side shouldn't. So if I'm going to constantly be seeking BJ's from someone new, because I crave a young pretty new face looking up at me and smiling with junior in her mouth, how can I be a hypocrite and tell an S.O. she can't experience someone new every now and then?

I'm not the possessive or jealous type, never have been, and I don't feel I have the right to be like that, since I know that I'm I'm going to be tapping into something new once or twice a month. So if she wants to get something new every now and then, (as a provider, swinger, or with a FB), that would actually ease my guilt about me f**king around. Why can't a couple just lay it all out on the table, be honest with each other, and agree they both might like to experience something new every now and then, and arrive at some kind of agreement.

As for it driving a guy crazy, that someone elses dick is being allowed in her, the way I look at it, she's had dicks prior to me being with her, so what does it matter if she has them while we're together? She's had dicks other than mine, and whether that happened in the past, or is currently happening, she's had them, so what, the timeline doesn't matter to me. I'm no saint, never have been and never will be, I will f**k around, so who am I to expect or demand she be sexually faithful?

As for love, I think two people can deeply love one another, and care about the others safety, while being sexual freaks together, having fun outside the boundaries of what most people would consider conservative (or normal) sexual behavior, so that neither gets boring, thus experiencing and having one hell of a life together.

[scottycameron]

Every answer and opinion in this very interesting thread is right! There are so many different people in this world. Everyone has a different definition of their dream relationship. For a relationship like this to work would mean a connection of two people with the same idea of success. I’m currently dating and deeply in love with a now, ex-provider and therefore feel compelled to share our story.
For several years, I hobby’d for the fun and the escape from the real world. One day, I ran into this very strong, bright, intelligent, beautiful and sexy provider. We had an instant connection, as if we’ve known each other in another life. Our dates got longer and more frequent. Then they moved outside of the walls of incall and into the real world. We actually fell in love and still are. She encouraged me in my career and now I’m on the top of my game. She tells me that I’ve helped her to see the reality of bigger possibilities for herself. Now our dates are real ones…brunch, dinner, night clubs, movies…and the love making is off the charts!
Early on, I learned that being a provider was definitely not her idea of a dream job but a transition to where she wants to go. Yes, I absolutely want her to get what she wants and that included getting out of the business. And yes, I very much want our relationship to be 100% exclusive. That means doing everything and anything I could…financially and emotionally…to make that her reality. She’s my girl, my partner, and I stepped up and in to help her.
The odds are deeply stacked against our relationship being successful. We both know that we’re taking a risk by completely trusting the other. That’s the same for any other relationship. We also realize that our situation is very rare and extraordinary. Wish us luck and cheer for us. We’re going to work like hell to make this work.
There is now one less provider and one less hobbyist in the community. Thanks for everything eccie community!

[Int3rested]

Originally Posted by scottycameron

Every answer and opinion in this very interesting thread is right! There are so many different people in this world. Everyone has a different definition of their dream relationship. For a relationship like this to work would mean a connection of two people with the same idea of success. I’m currently dating and deeply in love with a now, ex-provider and therefore feel compelled to share our story.
For several years, I hobby’d for the fun and the escape from the real world. One day, I ran into this very strong, bright, intelligent, beautiful and sexy provider. We had an instant connection, as if we’ve known each other in another life. Our dates got longer and more frequent. Then they moved outside of the walls of incall and into the real world. We actually fell in love and still are. She encouraged me in my career and now I’m on the top of my game. She tells me that I’ve helped her to see the reality of bigger possibilities for herself. Now our dates are real ones…brunch, dinner, night clubs, movies…and the love making is off the charts!
Early on, I learned that being a provider was definitely not her idea of a dream job but a transition to where she wants to go. Yes, I absolutely want her to get what she wants and that included getting out of the business. And yes, I very much want our relationship to be 100% exclusive. That means doing everything and anything I could…financially and emotionally…to make that her reality. She’s my girl, my partner, and I stepped up and in to help her.
The odds are deeply stacked against our relationship being successful. We both know that we’re taking a risk by completely trusting the other. That’s the same for any other relationship. We also realize that our situation is very rare and extraordinary. Wish us luck and cheer for us. We’re going to work like hell to make this work.
There is now one less provider and one less hobbyist in the community. Thanks for everything eccie community!

Love one another and you will be happy; it is as simple and as difficult as that.

[anita]

It is very hard dating someone that knows what I am doing.That is why I am single. Even when I will stop, I know only few men are ok with dating an ex-provider..Unless they are non-judgemental and perhaps in love..

[Guest082824]

Originally Posted by anita

...Unless they are non-judgemental and perhaps in love..

Good point Anita...

[Tranzient]

Originally Posted by berkleigh

*sigh*

I really wish I could meet someone who was actually okay with this....

...stilll searching....

I've been thru one Moderator, two arrangements, one husband & one College Boyfriend!

None could handle "this" or me...

<-----Currently accepting Applications

I'll apply Berk. You are exactly my type.

[Richardson570]

I guess I'm late to this party but at the risk of TMI. I've had no problem with having a provider as an SO. Was married to one for many years. And have had two SOs since who were providers -- one we dated for many months and the second we lived together for several months.
The hobby does have an impact, as any job can. At some point the choice of hours working/money made must be taken.... that has an effect.

Sorry for bumping an old thread but this is a very interesting one to me.

Even though this is interesting to you, the appropriate way to handle it would be for you to start a new thread rather than bumping an old one.
Torito

[Guest082216-1]

Did it for 5 months. Would have no problem doing it again with the right provider

[parcmon]

I am trying it now with an L1 provider. So far so good. She is very spiritual. I wil let you know how we progress. What I like most is that while she isn't ashamed out any thing like that, she would def like to replace the income with a more "conventional" business. Parc...

[fawn]

Originally Posted by berkleigh

*sigh*

I really wish I could meet someone who was actually okay with this....

...stilll searching....

I've been thru one Moderator, two arrangements, one husband & one College Boyfriend!

None could handle "this" or me...

<-----Currently accepting Applications

I am right there with you Berkleigh ! I was also in a relationship for almost 2 yrs with a gentleman/hobbyist and it didnt work for us either! No matter what we did, changed or tried...
<--------So I am also taking applications...