Relationships Beyond The Hobby

[Guest083011]

Originally Posted by Lauren Summerhill

The third is just now unfolding.

Sigh. I wanted to win your heart.

Originally Posted by ClairJordan

I ... realized he was the most BORING guy I had ever dated, so ran like hell...not sure it's the right way to start off, but then, what is??

I will say this: IMO, the men that can best handle the reality of their lover being in the biz seem to be NYers.

I'm in Connecticut, that's damned close to NYC.

BTW, I really like this thread. It's the kind of thing that makes D&T wonderful. Thanks all ("y'all" for those down south ).

[Alex Lieberman]

Originally Posted by Sensual Lina

That says something about both parties in a relationship.

If you read the blog, you will see it says it says one thing about one party...not both. Read the blog and comment...or don't. Don't make a comment about the blog when you haven't read it!

[Naomi4u]

We should all hug and kiss. just saying..

[PhantomofTheOpera]

Originally Posted by PhantomofTheOpera

Twice and both were disasters of ugly proportions. Won't do that again, not worth the problems.


Interesting... I always found it was the women that had that hang-up. I know one of the ones I was involved with could not handle me being with anyone besides her all the while she insisted on being a provider. LOL! Of course, she never did figure out why I walked away from her.

What I did not mention, since it was not a necessary until your comment, was "we" (actually there never was a "we" but that is another topic) never had any such agreement. It was just presumed by her that she could and I could not. Besides, I wasn't interested in seeing others and didn't when we were together but she could not let go of the ones I had seen when she would disappear on me for weeks to months at a time, i.e. she was/is a very jealous woman. Fortuantely, I found out that I had been played and lied to, so walking away was easier. Like Alfred, Lord Tennyson penned ...Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, In Memoriam:27, 1850.

I firmly believe any male-female relationship based on sex first can never work no matter how much effort is put into it. That is putting the cart(sex) before the horse(knowing someone).

[Camille]

Originally Posted by WTF

No, not you but I did like the story!

It was a guy from aspd, he brought his girlfriend to his house to meet his wife and told his wife that they were business partners or some such nonsense.


He was maimed for doing it, when I thought the better response might have been "To each his own."

Girlfriend now I know if I wanna get your panties bunched , I'll mention your ex!

For someone that felt bad about how people reacted you forgot a lot of details lol. It wasn't his GF it was an escort he had seen multiple times. The issue was twofold....first that he introduced said escort to his wife in the wife's home..whilst flat out lying about who she (escort) was to the wife....and also that this happened at the request of the escort....meaning it wasn't just him that caught the heat, it was her too. Still think that was a shitty thing for both of them to do...time hasn't changed that.

C

[Camille]

Hi Lauren and Nina...I sort of feel like my comment has you at loggerheads...so maybe I need to clarify because in some respects I think we are all on the same page . I don't think anyone thinks there is such a thing as a perfect escort....or even an escort that lives a perfect life. There are definitely people that enter this profession that are not willing to embrace it though to THEIR full potential. These are generally people that have more limitations than others about what they are willing to share, embrace and explore with others. I doubt there are very few escorts that provide a no limit ions exchange to all their clients that they would in an unpaid relationship...and sometimes that's down to money and sometimes its down to boundaries. Just a thought.....

C x

[ForumPoster]

Originally Posted by Alex Lieberman

If you read the blog, you will see it says it says one thing about one party...not both. Read the blog and comment...or don't. Don't make a comment about the blog when you haven't read it!

Alex, my statement was not directed you YOU or YOUR relationship PERSONALLY, although it is interesting that you took it that way.


"That says something about both parties in a relationship." was in reply to very specific statement "Once a man sees you as a prostitute he will always see you that way...."

IMHO, if a man sees a woman he is dating as a prostitute first and human being second, is does say something about both parties in that relationship.

To be a prostitute one does not have to be sex worker. There are plenty of people who prostitute themselves every day in fairly mundane mainstream jobs.

Lina

[Natalie Reign]

Originally Posted by Alex Lieberman

Has anyone ever pursued or had a relationship that developed in the hobby? Did it work out?

For as long as I've been a provider, I've been adamant that I would never, under any circumstances, date someone I met in the hobby. I always marveled at the women who talked about developing relationships with clients, and wondered exactly how they found themselves in that position.

Then it happened. I opened the door to meet a new client, greeted him with a kiss, and suddenly felt the world crack open. He stayed for awhile after the session was over, and as he walked out the door, I found myself wishing he would stay. I knew right then that I was in trouble.

That first meeting has developed into an incredible relationship with the most interesting, caring and charming man I have ever known. Months later, I still can't keep my hands off of him, and just the thought of him brings a ridiculous smile to my face. I'm happier than I've ever been.

That said, the chances of a relationship founded in the hobby working out are probably comparable to any relationship founded in the civilian world. The hobbyist/provider mentality and both parties' participation in the hobby certainly brings some unique challenges to the table, but then again, every relationship has its problems.

[rednecksatyr]

I have a very good friend that is a direct result from meeting as a hobbyist / escort. And while there are some very deep emotions in play between us we seem to understand and agree the relationship is flexible and is not a permanent and totally binding situation. But I believe the friendship will last beyond the day we agree to stop the BCD activities. We have more in commom than lust and sex. While many may scoff at that thought it is possible I think to have a lasting friendship irregardless of the method of meeting and getting to know each other..

[ForumPoster]

Originally Posted by Natalie Reign

For as long as I've been a provider, I've been adamant that I would never, under any circumstances, date someone I met in the hobby. I always marveled at the women who talked about developing relationships with clients, and wondered exactly how they found themselves in that position.

Then it happened. I opened the door to meet a new client, greeted him with a kiss, and suddenly felt the world crack open. He stayed for awhile after the session was over, and as he walked out the door, I found myself wishing he would stay. I knew right then that I was in trouble.

That first meeting has developed into an incredible relationship with the most interesting, caring and charming man I have ever known. Months later, I still can't keep my hands off of him, and just the thought of him brings a ridiculous smile to my face. I'm happier than I've ever been.

That said, the chances of a relationship founded in the hobby working out are probably comparable to any relationship founded in the civilian world. The hobbyist/provider mentality and both parties' participation in the hobby certainly brings some unique challenges to the table, but then again, every relationship has its problems.

You are not alone

When I started this job, I put my personal life on hold. Dating civilian and being dishonest about my current occupation seemed unethical and immoral.

Dating a client was absolutely out of question. I made several really great friends among men and women I met in this environment, but was absolutely adamant about never ever dating someone I met professionally.

Well, sometimes it just takes very special and very persistent Gentleman to change a girl's mind

Lina

[Laynie Harper]

I've had a few relationships result from the hobby. Wonderful relationships. But, I tend to see very few clients and foster relationships with them anyway. That's just part of who I am.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Camille

For someone that felt bad about how people reacted you forgot a lot of details lol. It wasn't his GF it was an escort he had seen multiple times. The issue was twofold....first that he introduced said escort to his wife in the wife's home..whilst flat out lying about who she (escort) was to the wife....and also that this happened at the request of the escort....meaning it wasn't just him that caught the heat, it was her too. Still think that was a shitty thing for both of them to do...time hasn't changed that.

C

First I did not feel bad, I was puzzled is all.

Second I did not forget my details of my point in my prior post io Rudyard.

Which was was:

Originally Posted by WTF

Well if we try and put someone in our shoes instead of theirs then it probably was a shitty thing to do.

I know if I did it it would be a shitty thing in my mind but that don't make it shitty just because someone else does it. I am not in their shoes.

That seems to be the jest of the answers from this thread, yet not so much from some of the same posters in the other.

.

Putting them in your shoes seems to be what you are doing Camille.

My point was to put yourself in their shoes. Not with your mindset but with theirs.

If you can do that it is much easier to predicate future behavior by others, after all we should be able to predicate our own for the most part. For example I do not see myself shooting someone for sport. A psychopath would be a different story. To keep from getting shot a by a psychopath it might be a wise idea for me to at least be able to pretend that there are other personalities other than mine.

You are right , I do not remember the details but I think I remember the jest and to that I was trying to make the above point.

In this current exercise many are able to put themselves in one another's shoes because they have been there but some seem to think it will never work because it did not work for them while in those shoes, the first trick is putting yourself in a pair of shoes that you have never been in. Of course IMHO.

That is what the gent from NE (wasn't he from the NorthEast?) was , I think, trying to get us to do. We got caught up on the lying part which and I fully agreed with him about when he countered that we all lie.

Lastly, if I recall, his intentions did not seem bad. He seemed to want a fairy tale ending.

So nothing has changed the way I feel about the situtation.....people have a very hard time putting themselves in others shoes unless they have walked them and even then they tend to think other should walk like they do in them. The second trick is not only putting yourself in another shoes that you have never been in but also in their mindset at the time.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Sensual Lina

IMHO, if a man sees a woman he is dating as a prostitute first and human being second, is does say something about both parties in that relationship.


Lina

Lina

The same thing can be said about whether someone pays for a date. Do you see him as a man, less than a man or a human being just by that one act?

[vickinicole]

wow this question represents my reality today. A few years ago a older guy hired me in the hobby and he was a repeat client for a few months. I remember telling him that he was hot, the first time he hired me. Then he dissappeared. Perhaps because I did as well. LOL I needed to focus on school and was insecure about my place in the adult industry. So I took some time off, from EVERYTHING, including men, sex (I was celibate for 2 years), work at my day job, everything except school.

However I have consistently kept a public blog updating my activities and thoughts.

A few months ago that same client emailed me to say he'd been reading my blog for awhile, and wondered if I would go out to karaoke with him.

Needing an excuse to get off campus for a few hours, I jumped at the chance. School was, (and is), driving me mad. (Luckily I graduate in a month, but alas there is Graduate School afterwards)

He treated me so respectfully and was just a really fun humorous nice guy. He did tell me immediately that he was married though. So I thought, "well this will be a fun, hands off friendship". For several weeks, it was just that. He was friendly and kind. I needed help with my car and he came to look at it. I needed help moving to a different place on campus, he took off work and got up early to help me. We went out and sang karaoke several times a week. I met a few of his friends. I feel like he sees my soul because we've had conversations and he he told me that he really feels I am sweet and innocent. Mind you, I've shot porn and he knows this. But most of society would just take that fact and put me in under a label that is "fringe" at best. He actually sees my personality and who I present myself as on a daily basis. I am not raunchy, I am not vulgar, I am not loud, I'm very sensitive and I love to laugh and smile and make others smile. He has never treated me like a prostitute first.

He has helped me out and been such a good friend that I could confide in and have fun with that I felt myself developing an adoration for him, but I let him know that I respected his marriage. However, one evening after a night out drinking, he drove me home, helped me to my bedroom and finally we kissed. I may have initiated it. Oops.
For about a month all we did was kiss, like teenagers.

I was incredibly turned on which was extremely odd cause I had been exploring Asexuality. Obviously this turned my world back upside right. The thing is he wouldn't have sex with me. I would write in my blog that I had "blue vulva" after nights out with him. A few times, he just said the time wasn't right. Which gave me hope that there would eventually be a right time. Then he admitted that part of the issue was he wanted to be able to stay the whole night with me. Which I thought was so sweet. Maybe I am gullible.

Then a few weeks ago we ended my celibacy.
I don't know where this relationship is headed. It may end in a few months. But it totally reinvigorated me.

So right now, I am definitely in favor of taking a relationship beyond the hobby.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by vickinicole

Then a few weeks ago we ended my celibacy.
I don't know where this relationship is headed. It may end in a few months. But it totally reinvigorated me.

.

It is headed either very bad , bad , good or very good.

Best of luck to you.