Why do women get mad when men cheat

[texas_goddess]

Both are cheating.....if it's not done how one of them wants it or not done at all satisfaction will be discovered elsewhere

[Billogoods]

An old man told me when I was young that there are two ways to get laid: marriage & hookers...& hookers are always cheaper.

But, seriously, divorce always starts when one or both individuals ask, "What about me?" He/she is not getting enough of something; love, sex, money, attention, affirmation, etc.

[FunMonday]

Too many married women use sex for power and manipulation. Then they subscribe to a handbook of x minutes of foreplay, x minutes of this and that and then they bitch and moan if you want more. A woman should be flattered that her man wants her.

[Bobave]

Originally Posted by TexTushHog

Because marraige is like a besieged medieval city -- those on the outside desperately want in, and those on the inside desperately want out!

Some people might think you were being humorous, but that actually was a cogent and germane observation, bubba.

[Bobave]

Originally Posted by FunMonday

Too many married women use sex for power and manipulation. Then they subscribe to a handbook of x minutes of foreplay, x minutes of this and that and then they bitch and moan if you want more. A woman should be flattered that her man wants her.

Yep, this is it. First, let me say that is an excellent thread. It actually meets the original mission of this baorad and sparked an interesting dialogue.

But I think some of you folks missed the fundamental issue. Women are in control in a marriage as long as they control the pussy. The minute a man finds another outlet, the equation is in peril. It's all about control for women (although a little subtle in the more adept cases), contrary to the general conception of controlling men.

[Billogoods]

It goes deeper than that. Women don't necessarily want control as much as they want the security of a peaceful home. Women are more compassionate and want everything to be taken care of and problems resolved. Women need to feel the love that they give.
Men, however, being competitive by nature, desire affirmation. They want to be viewed as the leader, conquerer, provider, and desire to be appreciated as such.
In short, a man should always show love to his wife in a way she feels it. It may be romance, service, or affirmation. A woman should always show respect to her husband in a way that he feels it. It may be sex, service or affirmation.
Typically, a woman views sex though the romantic context (Venus). Men typically view sex through the physical context (Mars). Women are relational. Men are physical.
When a woman feels slighted, she cuts off affirmation. This is usually by withholding love (sex).
When a man feels slighted, he cuts off love. This is usually by not talking (relation).

[playerplano]

Honestly I think there may be as many reasons for cheating as there are cheaters !

For me it was a mix of very vanilla at home and personal issues that were validated when I could score other women. So my reasons were my own and not anyone else's LOL.

I didn't find the hobby until I was older and already divorced. I have not cheated while I hobbied but I think the hobby does keep me single. Why buy the milk when I can rent the cow ? Wait that didn't sound right ha ha ha ! For what it's worth I want my next relationship to be poly or swinger or something that allows both parties to be happy whatever that means.

I love THNs mindset and she is worth the rental for a sexy good time. Who else could say
"Cock lovin ways !"

[lockon]

Originally Posted by GypsyHeart

My post is long and I apologize.

When I was married the first time(young and dumb), he cheated on me with a coworker who was known to cheat on her s/o and get preggo with the new guy's baby. Was he getting it at home? Yes. I initiated a lot of times and nothing was taboo. Do I think it was because he was curious? Yes, because I was his first. Now he has married her, has a kid with her, and she cheats on him regularly(he said she had changed, he was in love and things would be different.

My second marriage, same deal. I was his first(he was 30). Virgin magnet I guess. He got it when he wanted how we wanted and I would initiate. I couldn't compete with his porn addiction. And felt like that his mistress. I realize, the porn is all he had for so long.

****WHY?****All that being said. It hurt me that they would cheat on me because I was a loving wife, great homemaker and genuinely excited for our sex life. It starts out as being hurt by the man we love and do for what we are supposed to do as women. Then the anger hits because they made us hurt. The made us feel stupid and used. We get mad because they made us a stereotypical weak woman. And we are bittered by the realization that we weren't good enough.

For the women who don't put out and their men step out: I can see why a man would. But in that, why is she not putting out? Is she hormonal and not feeling it? Is the desire gone because he has let himself go a little bit? Too tired from being a houswife and mom and/or career? Does she not feel appreciated or sexy because she has packed on some pounds? Does she make you feel that way? Do you as man make your woman the envy of other women by your compliments, affections and attention? Does she do the same for you?

It is a two-way street built on communication and trust. It is nurtured by continuation of affection and desire. It is driven by self-image.

I am fortunate to have found my soul mate. We are both promiscuous and realize the need in each other to seek out some strange, as it usually turns us on to hear about each other's encounter. And we know before hand. He is a hobbyist as well.

+1 Very well said.

[DSK]

Originally Posted by THN

Its complicated. I'll try and explain it the best I can with a few words as possible.

Basically, married women begin to feel put out or that they have sacrificed their life and goals for the family. They start to resent their husband because they think he is living his life goals and she is a mere stepping stone to his achievements in life. So she eventually doesn't feel like giving any "more" of herself because she thinks she has given enough already.

I'm NOT saying it's right. And she probably knows her perceptions are jaded but then that creates guilt and a vicious inner cycle ensues where you ain't getting shit from her and she'll be goddamned if you get it from anywhere else because if she has to sacrifice herself so much (again, this is perceived and part of the cycle) then dammit so should you.

This doesn't describe every situation but I'm guessing it describes most of them.

Hope that helps.



Best course of action is to hobby as much as you need to to keep your marriage happy and respect your family enough to keep it totally hidden. You can't fix her and she can't fix you. Best to just roll with it especially if you have kids. Divorce just isn't worth it. There are exceptions but only in extreme situations.

That is a pretty smart answer.

Still, she shouldn't care if he spends hobby money on a hobby.

[Randall Creed]

Originally Posted by mikecross

I think men sacrifice much more than women in that respect. He is thinking I could be out getting laid right now but No Im stuck here with the wife and kids and all they do is take take take. Dad I need this or Honey do this or you cant buy that we need this. Many guys work at jobs for years that they hate to keep food on the table while she works at a low paying job or no job so she can take care of the kids and hang out with her friends. At the end of the day most guys are willing to do all that and all they want is their wives to want them for their wives to give them the pse and at least act like they like sucking your dick. I know guys that have been married 15 or 20 years and their wives have never given them a blow job. One friend told me his wife calls him a pervert if he ask for doggie style.

To caveat off this post, there is NO WORSE HELL in life than a mid-management level job that you can't get out of. This is the guy/woman who never gets that corner office, never makes it to high level executive that gets the cool parking spot. You gotta deal with bullshit from upper management, you gotta deal with bullshit from a guy/gal you KNOW took shortcuts to get a spot with more authority (and higher pay) than you. Everything's YOUR fault in every meeting. You work more hours than the people ABOVE and BELOW you. You gotta deal with the idiots that you supervise, who want to get paid for not coming to work, who's kids are always sick and they need to miss work to tend to, and they want to leave early every payday. You're the guy that has to go tell 'Fred' that we need him to work on Saturday (Fred goes APESHIT about working on Saturday).

People like these are the glue of their company, should be making twice as much and working a third less hours, but they catch hell from all sides, with crap pay. This is the guy everyone hates when he finally loses it and shoot somebody. An occasional bj or roll in the hay with an Eccie type hottie would probably keep him sane. When that doesn't happen....oh, boy.

[Velvetangeltouch]

I think this is an extremely touchy subject!!! And people look for excuses to why they do what they do.. I will speak from an experience point of view that the issue tends to fall on both side the fence. Or maybe one partner trying harder than the other.. Example some men on here probably prefer to go to a pro because you couldn't ask your wife to take care of you like ...... So and so could.. Reason being you see her as your wife the mother you child how could you let her know your dark side what you crave and what you like? And I really don't like men on here bad mouthing woman like she doesn't do this or the other. We think differently.. Maybe your hinting she didn't get.. Maybe you should just take her like a lover and best friend? There's a lot of would of could or should have. But did you? It takes two to tango and woman sacrifice plenty!! As for the she hires a pro we don't get mad. She's trying to make you a home and show she cares. She's trying to take the burden off your back without getting in a fight over bs because she does love you.. And don't compare hiring a handy man to the hobby.. Omgeez this isn't a seductive roleplay with the man acting like the handy man and the woman the desperate house wife... Your actually talking about a wife.. Although that roleplay would be freaking awesome!!! I mean seriously you guys should look at things from a different point of view! Maybe your married to a conservative and deep down she's trying but doesn't know how to say freaking taking me like an animal or something.. Maybe she'd like that but doesn't know how or maybe she at one time tried and was blown off and never tried again because she doesn't want to be a nagging wife..or maybe she's scared you'd judge her or never look at her the same in a bad way.. So she sacrifices to and in the end your both missing out.. And before I take back lash for this post.. Idk you and you don't know me.. We sure don't know each other's back grounds!! And life isn't a bed of roses.... If it was there wouldn't be the hobby and a lot other things.. Js but don't be so harsh to bash when you don't know what in woman's head or heart.. How we really feel or what we really want.. Maybe there's a lack communication! Please consider these things!!! Thank you

[BLM69]

I've always wanted variety and had it over the years with hookups, now I'm older, fatter and don't have time to deal with have side pussy and the attention it requires, so here I am.

Forgot to mention S.O. doesn't keep my balls drained so that's the cherry on top.

[Grace Preston]

Why do women get mad?

Simple. In general (there are always exceptions that prove the rule).... men are geared to be achievement driven and women are geared to be security driven.

An affair in the mind of a woman is a threat to that security.

If I were married and my husband felt the need to step out.. I'd rather he pick up an escort than get into an affair. Escorts are no threat to security... a potential affair is a huge threat.

[tortpicker]

Originally Posted by Kendall4U

Cheating is inherent! Doesn't matter how awesome things are at home, the thought of the grass being greener on the the other side, fucks up everything!

And that is 100% correct!!

[rexdutchman]

That's true, however the "hobby" has always been around because of the issues woman in relationships have. (+cheaper to keep )