Stupid Jokes Thread

[Lil' Tex]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

[Guest062716]

What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?


A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

[Lil' Tex]

One day during a game on the golf course I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay?"






"I’m fine thanks," I replied.“My name’s Jack,” I said and introduced myself.
"Jack, forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later,” she suggested.




"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, “but I don't think my wife would like it.""Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.She was very pretty and very persuasive.

"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, she insisted that I remove my clothes so she could give me a massage.




Afterwards, I thanked my hostess for the exhilarating session I had with her.

"I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."

"Don't be silly!” Elizabeth replied with a smile, “She won't know athing. Where is she, anyway?"
"Under the cart!" I said...

[Guest062716]

What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?



"Have another beer, sweetie!"

[Guest062716]

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?


He had no body to go with him.......

[Buckskin]

Hey Babe, can you smell that?

I don't smell anything.

Then go cook my dinner.

[Guest062716]

She replies: I will cook your dinner, but my counselor said you should say something "sensuous" to me first....

He: Sence you was up, get me a beer while you're at it........

[Lil' Tex]

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long Bic lighter
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie"
The first man asks "Can i make a wish? "
Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks "
The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head
And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesn't He?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?"

[clegs]

A teacher to a class of 8 year olds is trying to get their imaginations going one day so she says to them "Okay class, now if you could cover your body in anything in the world what would it be and why?"

So a lad puts his hand up and goes "Silver, Miss because then I could scrape it all off and buy myself a Volkswagen Golf just like my mum's got".

Another lad puts his hand up and says "Gold, Miss, because then I could scrape it all off and buy myself a BMW just like my uncle's".

The teacher is looking very impressed by these ideas when little Johnny (well it had to be really) puts his hand up and shouts "Pubic hair, teacher".

"Why on earth would you want to do that Johnny?" enquires the teacher. Johnny replies "Well, my big sister's only got a tiny amount on her body and you should see all the fucking cars outside our house!"

[Guest062716]

Riddle: A beautiful smart blonde, a stacked stupid blonde, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus play a round of Texas Hold em poker....who wins?

The stupid blonde, duh. The others don't exist.

[elhomeboy76]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
Johnny if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?
None replied Johnny cause the rest would fly away.
Well the answer is four said the teacher. But I like the way you are thinking.

Little Johnny said I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?
Well said the teacher nervously I guess the one sucking the cone?
No said Little Johnny the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking.

[Lil' Tex]

A guy went up to his father saying:
"Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!"
Father: That's great son. Who is it?
Son: It's Sandra, the neighbor’s daughter.
Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.. Sandra is actually your sister.
The boy is naturally bummed out, but life goes on, and indeed, a couple of months later ...
Son: Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!
Father: That's great son. Who is it?
Son: It's Angela, The other neighbor’s daughter.
Father: Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister.
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whomever you want. He isn't your father”

Son fainted.

[Guest062716]

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?


She walks home.

[Guest093013-2]

Men marry women thinking that we won't ever change. Women marry men thinking we can change them. This is why over half the marriages in America end in divorce.

[Randy247]

What does a blonde say after having sex with multiple orgasms?

Are you guys all on the same team?