Lives of Quiet Desperation

[JessicaKnightly]

I like all the colors of the rainbow, even the dark and brooding ones.

[JessicaKnightly]

[London Rayne]

Hmmm...I think a few of the TER boys have found their way here lol. You could never post that crap over there, without the entire board calling you worse than he did...that's for sure.

"No pretense" has yet to be determined, but it really does not matter. This business takes all kinds, and honesty is not exactly welcomed, especially if it's not what everyone wants to hear.

So you see, it's just a different board and tone here, but that does not mean anyone's opinion is not just as valid as the next. I had someone say I am not really a bitch once, and it was all for show...do you really believe them? No, I won't sit here and say I love or even like every guy who pays me, but I am sure some women can be that way. I don't know any, but I am sure they exist. I don't get a charge from fkin another woman's husband, nor am I that insecure to need guys who pay me, to tell me I am hot and good in bed. I offer sex for pay, and toss some jokes and good music in there, but if a guy is looking for heart and soul for that donation, he better keep looking.

I am not wrong, she is not wrong, and the guys seeking hookers for various reasons are also not wrong. I don't care what anyone else has to do to make money, but I won't be doing that.

[John Bull]

It's time for my warning. Civility is the hallmark of this forum. For those used to a more rough and tumble format, you might be happier elsewhere.

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by proudoftexas

I like JessicaKnightly's contributions. I like her perspective. She's already one of my favorite posters on here. She has a great deal of intelligence, and I like to read what she has to say.

I agree!

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by proudoftexas

.

That's how it works. For very personal reasons, those of us in this forum have made the choice to cross that line, whether as a provider or as a client, and that bell can never be unrung. Like the joke goes, once you suck one cock, you're always known as a cocksucker. Same goes with being a provider or a hobbyist, even if it's only internal, and no one else in the "civilian world" knows about it.

Some of the complications of this stuff are very unique. But some of them are challenges plenty of other industries/hobbies/occupations face.

The first occupation I always think about with a similar challenge to the hobby, is psychological therapy.

The difference is that counselors at all levels go through a great deal of training, whereas there's no such thing as a Provider University (although I would found one if it was feasible!).

Counseling training talks about the difference between "empathy" and "sympathy", and the importance of distinguishing between the two. Empathy is when you listen with your heart, but you don't emotionally identify with the person. Sympathy is when you start identifying with the person's struggles. A line is crossed, which can lead to an unproductive and emotionally dangerous treatment.

One of the techniques I've read about is 'anchoring', where you anchor one figurative foot in reality. You know who you are, what's important to you, where your values come from, what you go home to, etc.. Then you take your other figurative foot, and take a step into the other person's world.

Frankly, it sounds like it would be pretty fucking complicated in the real world, but there you are.

Other professions like police enforcement, military action, CPS workers, health industry workers (specifically in intensive care, nursing homes, or ambulance services --- places where death is constantly imminent) actors/actresses, spies, folks involved in long sales cycles, and plenty of others, face somewhat similar challenges.

How do you perform a job which is wrought with emotional investment and a variety of moral dilemmas, and then walk away to act around peers who do not go through anything remotely similar?

The biggest difference in all of these and the hobby industry is barrier to entry. In the end, anyone (with very few exceptions) can get involved in the hobby as long as they either have a pussy or they have cash. Which means there's a lot of us who are simply unprepared for the psychological ramifications of the choices we're making.

And while I'm sympathetic to that, I also at least intellectually understand the risks. I also understand why I've made this decision, and the reasons far out weigh the issues I'll have to deal with.

Loved to read this post! Thank you! Wonderful

[proudoftexas]

This is not really my story to tell, so my apologies to Say What if he'd prefer I didn't post this link. I'm all in favor of deleting my post, or having the mods do it for me if I offend.

But this is right in line with the OP, so I though it was germane. And as sad as it may be on one level, it's an EXTREMELY entertaining "review" on another, so I wanted to share it. Say What had me rolling with a few of his descriptions.

Say What writes a review of his SO

[JessicaKnightly]

Originally Posted by proudoftexas

This is not really my story to tell, so my apologies to Say What if he'd prefer I didn't post this link. I'm all in favor of deleting my post, or having the mods do it for me if I offend.

But this is right in line with the OP, so I though it was germane. And as sad as it may be on one level, it's an EXTREMELY entertaining "review" on another, so I wanted to share it. Say What had me rolling with a few of his descriptions.

Say What writes a review of his SO

Thank you for the find, that was EXCELLENT!

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by proudoftexas

This is not really my story to tell, so my apologies to Say What if he'd prefer I didn't post this link. I'm all in favor of deleting my post, or having the mods do it for me if I offend.

But this is right in line with the OP, so I though it was germane. And as sad as it may be on one level, it's an EXTREMELY entertaining "review" on another, so I wanted to share it. Say What had me rolling with a few of his descriptions.

Say What writes a review of his SO

Hahahahaha This is toooooo funny )

[gsgm]

Jessica, Poet, London and Proud, Thank you. Excellent, thought provoking thread.

" The mass of men ..." HDT /Walden

[Guest070818-1]

Originally Posted by TheAntichrist666

Whenever I hear of a "sexless marriage" I just have a difficult time understanding why or what is the point of it. I just can't stand and I find it impossible for me to bear the concept of a "sexless marriage" as something that can be considered "normal". What is the point of getting married if you can't have sex? It is like having a juicy steak being served in front of you and then being told that you can only stare at it and not eat it. This is just sad = (

There are a variety of reasons how this could happen.

What is your wife is ill? What if your wife has terminal cancer? What is your wife is always out of town for work? What if your wife is 9 months pregnant?

I've had a married client tell me that his wife approved of having sex with other women as long as be didn't "flout" the option. The wife was undergoing stage 3 breast cancer and had to have her breast removed. Combine low energy levels due to chemo and a lack of self esteem due to her breast being removed.....having sex would be an issue.

[Poet Laureate]

Originally Posted by brownsugarbaby

I've had a married client tell me that his wife approved of having sex with other women as long as be didn't "flout" the option. The wife was undergoing stage 3 breast cancer and had to have her breast removed. Combine low energy levels due to chemo and a lack of self esteem due to her breast being removed.....having sex would be an issue.

Bullshit. The wife has terminal cancer, lost a breast, and subsequently has self-esteem issues? Then it's up to the husband to convince her that he still loves her smile, her ass, the way she holds him when they're making love, and the way she kisses him. It's up to him to find ways to build her up.

Low energy levels? Fine, let them work out ways for her to participate without having to engage in strenuous activity. There are ways. It just takes a little creativity.

That wife who told her husband that she was okay with him getting release elsewhere was probably dying inside. That husband is a selfish pig who doesn't understand the definition of a three letter word: VOW. He took vows, and when the going got rough, he thought of himself. It says "For better or worse" and "forsaking all others." It doesn't say "except for him."

I was married thirty years total, ten years the first time and twenty the second time. I never, not ever, not one time strayed from the marriage bed. My first wife nearly died from a burst appendix that happened during the delivery of our second child. Her recovery took months. We figured it out. My second wife suffered from a handful of different diseases that combined to steal her energy and sap her sex drive. We figured it out. Not only did I not use their illnesses as an excuse to get my rocks off somewhere else, I was offended when the idea was mentioned to me. We took vows. I had three major surgeries, all in my lower back. Recovery wasn't quick, and try engaging in any kind of sexual activity without moving your lower back. Good luck.

I know how I would have felt if either of my wives would have said "I need the physical release, but don't worry, I still love you." No way I could put someone I care about through that.

So don't hand me that crap about sex being an issue. You figure it out. Unless you're a schmuck thinking only of yourself, you do what you need to do for the woman who should be the center of your world. If she is, you could no more cheat on her than cut off your own leg. If she's not, then you've been lying to yourself and her...and shame on you for doing that.

[John Bull]

Poet, why don't you tell us how you really feel, now. In a more civil tone, perhaps.

[Guest070818-1]

Originally Posted by Poet Laureate

Bullshit. The wife has terminal cancer, lost a breast, and subsequently has self-esteem issues? Then it's up to the husband to convince her that he still loves her smile, her ass, the way she holds him when they're making love, and the way she kisses him. It's up to him to find ways to build her up.

Low energy levels? Fine, let them work out ways for her to participate without having to engage in strenuous activity. There are ways. It just takes a little creativity.

That wife who told her husband that she was okay with him getting release elsewhere was probably dying inside. That husband is a selfish pig who doesn't understand the definition of a three letter word: VOW. He took vows, and when the going got rough, he thought of himself. It says "For better or worse" and "forsaking all others." It doesn't say "except for him."

I was married thirty years total, ten years the first time and twenty the second time. I never, not ever, not one time strayed from the marriage bed. My first wife nearly died from a burst appendix that happened during the delivery of our second child. Her recovery took months. We figured it out. My second wife suffered from a handful of different diseases that combined to steal her energy and sap her sex drive. We figured it out. Not only did I not use their illnesses as an excuse to get my rocks off somewhere else, I was offended when the idea was mentioned to me. We took vows. I had three major surgeries, all in my lower back. Recovery wasn't quick, and try engaging in any kind of sexual activity without moving your lower back. Good luck.

I know how I would have felt if either of my wives would have said "I need the physical release, but don't worry, I still love you." No way I could put someone I care about through that.

So don't hand me that crap about sex being an issue. You figure it out. Unless you're a schmuck thinking only of yourself, you do what you need to do for the woman who should be the center of your world. If she is, you could no more cheat on her than cut off your own leg. If she's not, then you've been lying to yourself and her...and shame on you for doing that.

Eh...Thank you for the passionate reply!

[JohnnyYanks]

@ Poet: nicely said. And this reader found your tone to be fully appropriate. Perhaps you hit a little too close to home for some?