A Lonely Profession?

[TheAntichrist666]

I'm sad to hear that she took her own life. Sometimes people can feel lonely and feel like no one cares. All I can say is that someone does care, but finding that person who does care is the hard part.

[Zabrina Sarafina]

The thing with serious depression is you can't cover it up and you generally can't run from it.


You lose interest in what you used to enjoy before.

You can't fix it by engaging in activities you used to enjoy.

You can't make it go away by numbing your mind with stimulants like food, alcohol, entertainment, sex, recreational/clinical drugs (please stay away from those poisonous "anti-depressants") YOU JUST CANT COVER IT UP WITH LAYERS

Chances are even you go on vacation or decide to move somewhere ...chances are even though the change in environment may make you feel bit better, lighter...but the root cause of depression will still follow you wherever you go, because you have not dealt with it

The root cause of depression is often a complicated mix of "issues", usually built up over time...something/s you have been suppressing inside for so long

Put in another way, how long you have been keeping yourself unhappy is a good indicator as to how serious your depression is/can get

So if ya can't cover it up, numb it to oblivion, or escape from it...what Can you do to help yourself?

Well...this is the painful part. You have to put the magnifying glass over what's been bothering you over the past few weeks, months, yrs.

I'm not a fan of journalling but write it all down. Everything little thing that's been bothering you. Chances are if it's still on your mind, it's important to you somehow, so just write it down.

The people you know/come across have not been treating you with the respect you deserve, someone robbed you of all your christmas spending moolah, you just noticed how bad your wrinkles are getting and how expensive botox is, your work has been slow, you want to move so bad and get away from your problems but you're tied down to your lease/mortgage, the weather's shitty, your gut is hanging out, you can't find the love of your life and not like you would have time for him/her anyway, you think of the future and you see nothing there, you don't know who you are, all those plans you made to achieve this to become that...seem so far away...is that what you really wanted...is that's what's truly best for you...and why does it all matter anyway, why does life have to be of great purpose...heck you just want to live...etc

Or you can go see those cold professional clinical psychologists, psychiatrists...and hope they don't secretly judge you as they go down the list of generic questions they ask everyone and you try to feel comfortable opening up to them...meanwhile fully aware they don't really give a fuck about you

Now you know you have to very careful what you say....because they can prescribe you mind numbing drugs which can help you kill yourself much easier, suggest putting you in the loony bin where they take away everything from you and put you in these "support" groups where everyone goes around the table discussing their problems, how they've tried to kill themselves, how many times....

Oh...sounds very beneficial, healing, positive, and therapeutic doesn't it??

No


Ok, so back to the journaling exercise. Yayyy

So you now have brought out all/most of the issues to the surface...kinda uncomfortable...but it's there on paper. THERE is the root cause of your depression.

You're truly sick of being depressed? Then go down the list and attack those problems aggressively.

I do want to add a disclaimer, your war on depression should not cause harm to others (or yourself)

You may experience anxiety, then you feel a rush like a heavy burden has been lifted off your shoulders your mind...

Often times we tend to blow things out of proportion than they really are...now that you are seeing your list from a wider perspective...is it really that bad?? That's what's been making your life Miserable?

Make sure you made that list and got it all down on paper. Keeping a list in your mind is just going to keep it there

You have to separate those problems from you.

[7071949597]

Originally Posted by QueenSophie

Dating is a nightmare (if your single) because they want to know what you do, how you make your $, why they cant come to your "office", why they cant meet your "co-workers" etc....

Can't you actually do just that? I mean, wouldn't it be easier to be open, honest, and forthcoming about it?

Forgive me if I'm being completely naive about this, but I would think that there would be men secure enough out there that they'd be more than willing to stay, especially if you're honest about it.

Or am I giving men too much credit here?...

[Squirtin Kirstin]

I always tell people this. Typical guys think this is all fun, but what they don't realise is that at the end of our day, when most are snug with wife and kids, we go home alone. Most of the girls, say at studios and such, are not your friends. Mostly, you are competition to them. Its a backstabbing, jealous world here for providers. I, personally, couldn't go home to a boyfriend or husband after doing what I do all day. It's totally against what I would believe as being "right". I LOVE TO SNUGGLE, I am sad a lot at night because it IS LONELY being an independent provider, but the money is great, and if you have bad history on your record... even a simple felony, You won't find a job that pays enough to take care of kids and yourself... If you are blessed with finding one, hold on to it! I wouldn't say I am clinically depressed about it, and my heart goes out to all independent providers that feel lonely, but nothing is worth taking your own life! Peace be with her.

[gigi_gypsy]

Very well said Squirtin Kirstin - thank you!

[Guest120615-3]

Thank you everyone for their kind words.

I was going to re-post her blog before she took her life but then decided against it. Discretion should be maintained into the after-life as well.

[Poet Laureate]

Originally Posted by Always Horny

Bingo.

This is something people just don't get about depression. Though I have not experienced depression to a serious degree, I was involved with someone who did and was suicidal. (Thankfully, she is still alive today and doing very well.)

Whenever I hear people say committing suicide is such a selfish act, I respond, "Exactly. And that's the point."

People who are so depressed are incapable of thinking about anyone else or anything else. They are in so much pain, and for some it is actual physical pain, they cannot think beyond themselves. When they get to that point, they do not understand the concept of selfishness. They only understand the need to end their pain.

So, we need to stop deriding suicide as a selfish act and understand what's really going on, so we can help them get the help they need.

Here's someone who gets it. My friend, if you are ever in Austin, look me up. I'

[Valerie]

I definitely think this profession can be lonely at times, not all the time, but sometimes. When I've been on a tour for a while is when I tend to feel the loneliest. Sucks when you're at your hotel and see all these families and happy couples while you're there all alone. Hardest part for me is leaving my kids & partner behind when I tour, it is what it is...

[TexasBrooke]

I admit i dont have any friends, well i do but im aloner, being around a bunch off ppl is not my thing. And as for suicide? You never know a persons state of mind, they just wait till the last straw, hell life is soo twisted and things happen...but i just think suicide is selfish and a cop out.

[Poet Laureate]

Originally Posted by TexasBrooke

And as for suicide? You never know a persons state of mind, they just wait till the last straw, hell life is soo twisted and things happen...but i just think suicide is selfish and a cop out.

Selfish? A COP OUT?

People like you are dangerous to people like me. Because your attitude could be just the thing that pushes someone like me over the edge.
-
If I'm depressed and contemplating suicide, I already have either very low or no self-esteem at all. Now you come along and tell me I'm selfish and copping out for thinking about ending the bitter, empty ache I have in the pit of my stomach every day, the yearning to be cared for, the desperate need to be loved, not realizing that I AM loved, because I don't believe that I'm WORTHY of being loved. I'm nothing, I'm worth nothing, and now you've just reinforced that notion by telling me that only a selfish person would kill themselves. So you just confirmed for me that I'm selfish, and therefore don't deserve to be loved, or to even live. You might as well have handed me the bottle of pills and a fifth of bourbon to chase it with.

[Always Horny]

Originally Posted by TexasBrooke

but i just think suicide is selfish and a cop out.

You obviously haven't been reading this thread very well.

[mikkifine]

It is sad when someone committs suicide. My condolences to the OP for his loss. The lady that committed suicide was suffering from depression. If untreated depression can lead to suicide.

A person who takes their own life is suffering from mental illness. It is not a matter of being selfish. When a person is physically ill people are more sympathetic.


The lady had probably been suffering for too long where the pain was unbearable. Unless she left a note explaining what was going on her life, no one will ever figure out why she did it.

[cumalot]

Sometimes silence is the loudest scream for help.....ijs

[Tiffani Jameson]

I too am sorry for your loss.
I suffer from moderate depression, and I don't take any medication for it. I think that is mostly why I have set out to make the things that I take the time to do of the utmost importance to me. I've got several reasons to wake up in the morning. I'm not saying it's not hard, but it really helps.

Originally Posted by Roothead

Kymberlane

makes a lot of sense.....even when after a 2 hr appt, it still surprises me when I am told that they will grab a bite to eat with you, but only at their hrly rate.... I always pass......

Please don't make this thread about spending free time with you.

Originally Posted by SomebodyElse

This was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever read!

My heart goes out to you, Poet. Believe me- your children would be heartbroken if you were no longer around one day. And people you couldn't possibly even imagine would miss you. I hope you find the love inside of yourself (it's there- you just have to look for it!). When you do, nurture it with whatever it takes to make it grow.

You have my best wishes going forward.

I agree. I can identify with having that empty feeling, and I'm noticing it getting worse. I've fixed Thanksgiving dinner for the last 8 years for my family of about 30 people who attempt to eat and drink me out of house and home purely because I was glad I could do something for my family. For some reason this year, as I was preparing my dressing and wondering how many people I could feed with one pan, I also had a thought about how many of the people I was feeding would return this favor for me if I wasn't able. It hurt my heart to know that very few would or could (literally because I do it. Sometimes charity makes people lazy.). I was two seconds away from throwing out the entire dinner. But before I did, I had to think that it's been a good while since I've needed charity from anyone, and I had to be thankful for that, and that I have the resources to make a way if conditions ever got to that point again.

Originally Posted by Squirtin Kirstin

I always tell people this. Typical guys think this is all fun, but what they don't realize is that at the end of our day, when most are snug with wife and kids, we go home alone. Most of the girls, say at studios and such, are not your friends. Mostly, you are competition to them. Its a backstabbing, jealous world here for providers. I, personally, couldn't go home to a boyfriend or husband after doing what I do all day. It's totally against what I would believe as being "right". I LOVE TO SNUGGLE, I am sad a lot at night because it IS LONELY being an independent provider, but the money is great, and if you have bad history on your record... even a simple felony, You won't find a job that pays enough to take care of kids and yourself... If you are blessed with finding one, hold on to it! I wouldn't say I am clinically depressed about it, and my heart goes out to all independent providers that feel lonely, but nothing is worth taking your own life! Peace be with her.

I truly identify with this to a certain extent. I would always emphasize the advice given is to find yourself always doing something you love, something that will improve your perspective on your life. When faced with negative circumstances, educating yourself about options (including school and entrepreneurship) will make you feel better knowing you're putting an effort into bettering your situation. It also improves dating situations.

But without someone that understands who you are, no matter HOW they're in your life (that includes clients and companions), that can be hard to do. Being a friend to girls in any arena invites more negativity than positivity, so it's hard to be objective about people's motives. We have seen the negative effects of trying to be nice to each other, and reaching out, and we make sure we emphasize the negative. But the positive rarely gets talked about. The threads about ladies who don't take advantage of their clients, and clients that don't think negatively about women in this industry get buried under the negative threads.

But life would be so much better if we all had a support group, someone/people who not only understand our situation, but is willing to be there for us despite ourselves to motivate each other. I think everyone deserves that.

[MasonSin]

Originally Posted by Poet Laureate

Selfish? A COP OUT?

People like you are dangerous to people like me. Because your attitude could be just the thing that pushes someone like me over the edge.
-
If I'm depressed and contemplating suicide, I already have either very low or no self-esteem at all. Now you come along and tell me I'm selfish and copping out for thinking about ending the bitter, empty ache I have in the pit of my stomach every day, the yearning to be cared for, the desperate need to be loved, not realizing that I AM loved, because I don't believe that I'm WORTHY of being loved. I'm nothing, I'm worth nothing, and now you've just reinforced that notion by telling me that only a selfish person would kill themselves. So you just confirmed for me that I'm selfish, and therefore don't deserve to be loved, or to even live. You might as well have handed me the bottle of pills and a fifth of bourbon to chase it with.

I swear, it's like you took the words right out of my head. I feel entirely the way you described at times, mostly due to my my long time ex boyfriend. Pretty ironic how I ran to him for his company in order to fill that void and emptiness in my heart when he was the one causing all that pain. I always tell myself that it'll get better (and it always does!)
If only she could've held on longer to experience first hand that the feeling is only temporary. Then again, in the deepest, darkest hours in your life when everything seems hopeless it's pretty much impossible to comprehend the idea of happiness. So sorry for your loss. Makes me think, I need to make some female hobby friends. I don't want anyone to feel alone.