why are wives so fucking mean

[Say What]

Originally Posted by DSK

Well if she has told you that she wants a divorce when the kids finish school, you should start to plan for that financially and certainly leave no evidence behind for a private investigator. Talk with a divorce lawyer now.

THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE YOU WILL EVER GET

PLAY NICE...FOR NOW

START HIDING SHIT...IMMEDIATELY

SELL THE HOUSE BEFORE YOU DIVORCE...PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ONE

IF THERE IS ANY WAY TO WAIT UNTIL THE KIDS ARE 18, DO IT

SHE IS ENTITLED TO HALF OF YOUR RETIREMENT...EVEN THOUGH SHE DIDNT EARN IT...THIS ONE WILL KILL YOUR FUTURE...ISNT IT BAD ENOUGH THAT SHE STOLE YOUR PAST?

REMEMBER...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT...YOU CHOSE THAT BITCH...NOW YOU OWE HER...NO WAY AROUND IT

[Guest092216]

If you have kids you should try to work it out no matter what. Having a potential enemy is far far FAR worse that a weak ally.

When you stay married you have no choice but to stay on the same side of the most important issues because your priorities orbit around the same planet. When you divorce there's no guarantee of common ground and you're even more likely to develop oppositions based on your new priorities/surroundings. The kids and the family should be your top priority until they're grown. Period. No exceptions.

Whenever I meet a newly engaged or never married person who asks me about marriage or discusses it, the advice I give is this: Don't ask yourself if you can love or live with that person for the rest of your life. Ask yourself if you can live with that person as your potential enemy for the rest of your life.

As much as I despise my ex husband, I would have stayed married to him for the kids had I to do it over again because he caused a lot more damage divorced than he would have married. Some people are like that and you won't know until it's too late. Watch how they treat their enemies. If you don't want to be on the receiving end of it, then stay married if you have kids or don't get married and have kids in the first place.


Edit: Sending you a fist bump say what. Lol. Well said.

[rexdutchman]

"Keep your friend close, and your enemies closer" - This way you have funds to see beautiful provides

[cheatercheater]

And that's when the fight starts....
Man: I'm fucking you tonight whether you like it or not!
Wife: why is that different than any other time?

Man: I sure need some pussy tonight Babe
Woman: What? Your girlfriend quit putting out?
Man: no but she's young enough to still have a period and I can't wait a whole week.

You are in control of you. You have to make the change. You have to make the choice of how to facilitate the change you want. You may end up with nothing but You are getting nothing now anyway.

[Will Boner]

Life's a bitch, and then you fuck one.

Then she fucks you.

End of story.

[jdkees]

Originally Posted by Guest15000

Thanks for the comments ladies. They helped.

You guys whose wives actually talk to you and pay attention to you what is that like? Can tell you that when your spouse refuses to talk to you, never shares with you, you're on your own when you have the flu, and communicates that divorce is a certainty when the kids finish school - it's a mighty cold life.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to agree with a bunch of the others here. Especially after reading this.

You aren't married to someone being "mean" dude, and this has jack to do with her being your wife specifically. You're in what sounds like a relationship that's already been over for a while and you (and she) are just refusing to do anything about it right now. The only advice you need to think very hard about is GET OUT. Stop whining about it. If you need to go see a therapist or something-- and I'll concede that the providers here can qualify... a few have certainly been therapudic for me-- to keep from falling into the pit that is whining, then do it. But at the same time work on your exit strategy. Talk to a financial planner or someone you trust who is familiar with finances to walk you through it.

To the whiners about losing half, again I'm sorry but suck that shit up and let the half go. You have two main choices: you either let the half-ish (for christsakes talk to a lawyer, because it doesn't have to be half) of what you have go and walk away, being done with it; OR you continue in a relationship that you very obviously hate, that leads to little more than resentment and frustration for you (and probably your SO), and remains as an all around soul sucking experience for however many years or decades you're willing to deal with it. There may be subsets to those choices depending on specifics of your situation (which are your own business), but those two are the main choices you must take the initiative and make.

I can sympathize, dude. Marriage went sour, sex and passion and intimacy dried up, and we very obviously didn't much care for spending time around each other. I found I was resenting her more and more, which just made me feel guilty since she wasn't doing anything outright wrong per se, I was just feeling taken for granted and emotionally blaming her. It was a crappy cycle of self-flagellation and inaction while th relationship just got shittier for probably years longer than it should have. So I get how you're feeling...

Take if from me: LEAVE, or begin planning your exit right now. That's the best thing you can do for you, it's the best thing you can do for her, and as long as you can remain a grown-up about it the two of you can make it just fine for your kids as well.

But this blaming wives for being wives? Pity seeking excuses. Whining that men are simple? Complete BS-- us guys are more emotional wrecks than even the most stereotypical woman, we just pretend we're all John Wayne about it.


By the way: it's cool if you have to get mad at me for saying this stuff. It's one of the stages you're going to need to work through to make it past. But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know deep down and need to have said to you by a complete stranger anyway. You either need to work that shit out with the spouse or get gone. You know this intellectually even if your feels are getting in the way. Commit to one or the other and get working on it.

Do you know what our parents and grandparents and so on got for their lives of staying together "for the children"? They got higher blood pressure, shorter life spans, abusive relationships, and kids that were every bit as fucked up as they were. The good old days were rarely as good as we'd like to be nostalgic about.

[Guest092216]

Originally Posted by jdkees

Do you know what our parents and grandparents and so on got for their lives of staying together "for the children"? They got higher blood pressure, shorter life spans, abusive relationships, and kids that were every bit as fucked up as they were. The good old days were rarely as good as we'd like to be nostalgic about.

I have to disagree, jdkees. All the studies I've ever heard about show married couples live longer, experience less debilitating illness and prosper more financially. Do you have any reliable sources that prove otherwise? I think your opinion, while passionate and very appealing, is based on emotion rather than fact.

[jdkees]

It's not really a debate. People who are happy to be married do indeed live longer and more fulfilling lives. Two people who are increasingly disliking and resenting each other isn't healthy for anyone. I know about the studies to which you refer, and their sample sizes are good enough for "family values" journalists but not enough to make sound medical or relationship advice.

If your married life is torture, you have two choices: fix it or quit. Continuing the torture is a recipe for at best a life of unhappiness, and at worst the risk of abuse.

[Guest092216]

Originally Posted by jdkees

I know about the studies to which you refer, and their sample sizes are good enough for "family values" journalists but not enough to make sound medical or relationship advice.

It's not journalists who devise the studies. Lol. It's typically liberal, academic entities or medical/behavioral organizations. They also sample society as a whole, not just married couples.

Sure, journalists report the findings but they aren't the ones doing the research.

[rexdutchman]

To each his or her own, walk a mile in my shoes. We get along good other then her very low sex drive.
So again that's why we (all you guys, like it or not ) hobby. I'm just saying

[DallasRain]

Originally Posted by thathottnurse

I have to disagree, jdkees. All the studies I've ever heard about show married couples live longer, experience less debilitating illness and prosper more financially. Do you have any reliable sources that prove otherwise? I think your opinion, while passionate and very appealing, is based on emotion rather than fact.

wow she is sexy AND wise! AMEN!! I have been with the same guy for over 30 years and am doing quite well in all aspects!!

I say that if you don't wanna be somewhere,don't be there! Life is too short to live miserably!!

Best to ya OP!!!

[rexdutchman]

T H N is great , have to call sometime

[jdkees]

Originally Posted by thathottnurse

It's not journalists who devise the studies. Lol. It's typically liberal, academic entities or medical/behavioral organizations. They also sample society as a whole, not just married couples.

Sure, journalists report the findings but they aren't the ones doing the research.

I apologize, I may not have been clear enough with my terse comment. There are two parts to what I was saying about the studies you reference. The first part is that they were small studies that didn't use double-blind methods because they can't (ethics) and the scope wasn't specific enough to define a proper control. The second part was that the results of the study have been so ridiculously over trumped by the journalism reporting the studies (almost assuredly where you learned of them) that it's not providing a useful level of priority. Here's a web comic displaying the problem of how journalism on scientific study is often dubious at best:



So, when I say I'm not debating you I'm saying that the point you're making isn't actually relevant to the point I made. The most popular study referenced about marriage and long term health (from about a decade ago) only used happy marriages for its criteria, because those were the people who were willing to share.

That means that, yes, for people in happy marriages I absolutely agree with what the studies say because there's tons of research that human beings, since we are social creatures who thrive on relationships, will have healthier lives when they cultivate long term relationships like marriages. That doesn't translate to allowing toxic relationships to continue being equally as healthy. In fact, there are also reams of research on the matter that the longer we allow toxic relationships to go on the more stressors it places on us and puts our general health at risk.

I'm not necessarily disagreeing with what you said. I'm pointing out that what you referenced in terms of what you said doesn't necessarily apply to what I was saying. Think of toxic relationships like bodily infections: either you treat the infection (work on the relationship) or you cut out the infected area (leave the relationship). All other actions are going to be tangential to those two options. Leaving the infection alone to fester is going to increase the risk of greater damage.

[TinMan]

I'm no walk in the park, either, so I figure it all evens out in the end.

[rexdutchman]

Wow this is like amtrack, off the rails lol