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heidilynnla · 09-15-2010, 12:12 AM

I am a realist so I'm not sure if "attached" is the right word, but I do have ATF's and Some I consider friends.

Luckyl · 09-15-2010, 12:38 PM

As a BFE provider I could say...yes. But I won't.

Kurrin Beverly · 09-15-2010, 03:50 PM

I got attached to a very handsome man from California. He would see me twice a month when he came into town. I was saddened when he just stopped seeing me cold turkey and didn't respond to my emails. Oh well, life goes on. I didn't shed a tear; I knew the reality of the situation.

Sarah Owens · 09-15-2010, 06:42 PM

i do have some atfs i wouldnt say that we are attached or i would be hurt if they were to see any one else i dont want a bf or i would have one and i dont want to do the deed with the same gent all the time or i would be monogamous and that word doesnt exist to me at all...
my atfs and i allways have a good time and we allways enjoy our time we know what we like and how to really get each other going... we see each other often and i like it that way i know when they come to see me what outfit will get them going and exactly where to tickle the boys while im on my knees... its nothing more than that and if i were to ever get really attached to a client i would not be a provider from that moment on.. i dont like to lose my focus and think any gent would be ok with it either

slider · 09-20-2010, 09:11 AM

”I can't see how a client can become attached if he's paying. What we pay for is a service that brings us emotional, physical, and mental pleasure, and great providers are great at providing that, but it will most always be provided for a fee. From my perspective a client doesn't become attached, but rather he becomes addicted to the service. That has happened to me a time or two and both times we shared more of ourselves (what we like, how we think, our feelings) than I would have liked.”
What I’m doing with my life much of the time, is trying to get my needs met. I need sleep, food, shelter and to be in a safe environment (for an extreme example of unsafe think of Iraq, particularly during the time people were being routinely snatched from the street or their homes, to be tortured and killed). Is there anything else I really need to survive? Probably not, but we’re social animals and, particularly as I’ve gotten older, I like (and have come to need) to interact with people on an emotionally intimate level. I also want mental stimulation, enjoy certain recreational activities, etc. Sometimes I am willing to go to great lengths to get those desires (which feel like needs) met. (For more info in this area search for Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.)

I am relatively new to the hobby arena. I was physically sexually monogamous for 32 years. I wanted out not because I couldn’t get hot sex at home, but because I couldn’t get the emotional intimacy I grew to need. My ex wife played communication games (“I just said that to see what you would say”), wouldn’t accept that what I was saying was a true reflection of what I felt, and assumed there were ulterior motives. Further, she would not accept me for who I was, and was inclined to tell me how I should think, what I should have said or done, what to wear, etc. She wanted me to fit an idea of what she wanted me to be. She needed me to be a certain way for her to feel secure. She was also insecure and terribly jealous. However, I was changing, and developed an overwhelming need to share and be accepted for who I was. I was desperate for emotional intimacy.

My first few “hobbying” experiences, befitting someone with my history, were comparatively tame, and at jack-shacks, where a woman undressed on the other side of a window, with talking available through the barrier, by intercom or wall phone. I had several of these experiences before I met M. It was immediately apparent that she was beautiful. She reminded me of a former Phillipina girlfriend. I even asked what her mother’s first name was, thinking it could be Carmen’s daughter (she wasn’t, but since then has referred to me as daddy). Upon spending time with her exposing my physically intimate parts, but also talking, it became clear that she was very bright, open and honest. (She also had a porn star slut persona that knew how to push a guy’s buttons without touching, and make them cum all over themselves.) Still, I got honest, open, transparent communication from her. I felt safe sharing things not told to anyone else. She understood I was interested in knowing the real M, not just the naughty exciting fantasy girl. I was accepted for who I was, and she was too. All of this created a foundation for emotional intimacy. She provided what I needed; the emotional things I was craving. The relationship with her showed me that it would be possible to have the kind of relationship I wanted with a woman.

Now I knew there was no way this beautiful, married-with-children woman, almost 30 years my junior, would be romantically interested in me. Still, I fell in love with her because she was meeting my needs and giving me hope that something better lay ahead. My mother was in a nursing home 60 miles away, and I arranged trips so I could pass through M’s town on days when she was working. We met outside her work and “off the clock.” She became the first woman besides my ex-wife to kiss me in 31 years (she instigated). I have seen her for more than five years, and almost always see her at work, so I’m paying for it. My mother is gone now but we still communicate, and have been there for each other as each has dealt with new life challenges. She is the only one besides my wonderful new wife that I say “I love you” to. (My wife knows all of this and they have met. Further, my SO encourages me to have fun, play safe, and find a bi hottie to bring home.)

I doubt that I am unique in having needs that we not being met, and not just physical, that subsequently were met by someone being paid for their time. It can be a business relationship but, from my perspective can always be viewed from the perspective of getting needs met, both for the hobbyist and provider. Sometimes those needs on both sides are emotional.

anova444 · 10-21-2010, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luckyl

As a BFE provider I could say...yes. But I won't.

Shouldn't you be called a BFE BRO-vider?

Luckyl · 10-23-2010, 08:24 PM

Ms. 444, you know you can call me anything you want too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by anova444

Shouldn't you be called a BFE BRO-vider?

Latina Bella · 10-23-2010, 10:35 PM

Yes it happens and oh boy!

Guest011914-1 · 10-24-2010, 12:36 PM

i have regulars that they know I will go the extra mile for them and just them..and each time we meet up it gets better and better and no hassles or expections...just mutal fun and respect..and i know if i ever needed anything they would be there for me..a true FWB relationship

Crash Davis · 10-24-2010, 12:45 PM

I believe it can happen...I do not believe either side can tell without time going by when money is involved. If this person is a regular on either side for one to truly know if either person is a good "player", it comes slowly in the form of Trust. I believe we all can easily get attached to good sex, but that is just that. To truly get attached to the individual you must know them, and that IMO starts with baby steps.....most important: Trust of each other. Anything else is just fantasy!

anova444 · 10-24-2010, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luckyl

Ms. 444, you know you can call me anything you want too.

That would be sexy, fun loving, super sweet.

acrossdfw224 · 10-24-2010, 03:10 PM

When the opportunity to spend time, not an encounter, presents itself with someone you might never really get to know any other way, savor it. In those times the line between erotic and emotion blurs, and yet we all know the story, read the book and survived an ending or two and so remain in check of ourselves most of the time. When the blurred line smudges and we suspend disbelief, consider yourself brave and heal later.

Laughter, music and lightness in spirit you notice just before you meet again are human nature, and oddly enough some faiths belief in the definition of the perfect afterlife.

Go ahead, fall for an angel, what the hell.

anova444 · 10-24-2010, 03:25 PM

Beautiful.

Luckyl · 10-25-2010, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acrossdfw224

When the opportunity to spend time, not an encounter, presents itself with someone you might never really get to know any other way, savor it. In those times the line between erotic and emotion blurs, and yet we all know the story, read the book and survived an ending or two and so remain in check of ourselves most of the time. When the blurred line smudges and we suspend disbelief, consider yourself brave and heal later.

Laughter, music and lightness in spirit you notice just before you meet again are human nature, and oddly enough some faiths belief in the definition of the perfect afterlife.

Go ahead, fall for an angel, what the hell.