When to stop seeing a provider

[Codybeast]

This is by far the most insightful, thought provoking, helpful and courteous thread I have witnessed on ECCIE EVER!
I'm completely stumped. How'd that happen? lol

[HELL YES 76]

Definitely has been an interesting discussion... There have been a times or 2 that I've had to remind myself that it's only a game after a good session or chemistry...

[flinde]

"My question to the ladies and civilized members of this board is how do you know you need to stop seeing them and start seeing a different provider/client so you don't fall into this trap?"

Answer. As soon as your dick is dry.

[Annef]

Concur. Actually a thread light on the misogyny. Kudos, gentlemen. Aside from the term ladies used in quotation marks. You are paying to be pampered, no? Would you prefer we were brutally honest at all times? I have never lied to a gentlemen. And BTW, you guys aren't either. If you didn't end up having a great time, or even as great as you expected, are you really going to say that to the lady? General politeness and most people's desire not to hurt other people's feelings usually prevails, especially after you have been intimate.

[rockerrick]

Will I say it if I didn't have a good time ? Yep !
Of course that's only occurred one time .
Said it to her , and put in review .

[Annef]

I guess my point is that most of these ladies (please note the lack of quotation marks)are, at least the ones I have met, are really uncommonly nice and giving. I think that's part of what makes them good at this. there is really is something to the old cliche, hooker with a heart of gold. You really do have to access a fair amount of general kindness and compassion do this. A lot of the gentlemen who do this (although very few will admit it to it) are not the best looking specimens in the world, but they are usually sweet and need you to be kind and loving and giving in a way that they are not getting in their "regular" life, whatever the hell tthat means. I find the whole imaginary lines between professional and civvie life to be a little ridiculous. It's all just life.

[Qziz]

Agreed with most in this thread, especially Ms. AnneF.

And I will especially admit to not being a love god, unless you happen to be fond of Ganesha!

Much of what I look for in a session is simply the ability to be with a woman intimately and feel wanted and desired. I'm old enough and experienced enough that the sexual acrobatics, while nice, are secondary to the emotion and dopamine/oxytocin release *for me*. (It's also part of why I don't write reviews. Trust me, you'd be bored.)

Am I pathetic enough/lacking in social skills to the point where I can't see women socially unless I pay for the privilege? Of course not; I like to think that I'm a pretty charming bastard when I want to be, and one of the things I tell providers I befriend (and yes, I do, and yes, most of you do as well) is that I will never pay for time spent socially and I will always pay for time spent BCD. Boundaries are important things. I am paying for intimacy. Self-prescribed surrogates, perhaps? Who can say. I have the same motivation in strip clubs -- and usually do better there, ironically - the atmosphere is less stressful and there's more opportunity to feel each other out socially, so to speak.

However - intimacy is not romance. The two are often confused, and not by one gender in particular. But one is a very hormone-driven physical and psychological need, and the other is a spiritual need. Confusing the two will (not can - *will*) lead to problems. Again - boundaries are important things.

Some of this may come from my experience in polyamory and swinging when younger. Breaking free from the belief that your lover has to be your property tends to lead you in - in my opinion only of course - more mature ways of seeing intimacy and romance.

[Sabor]

I enjoy the comfort of repeat visits and tend to keep favorites for years but I am not trying to create a relationship beyond the hour or two or three that we share. It is a hobby... and if you are lucky you will find what you seek. Some ladies have hearts of gold and make me smile but they all provide for a reason, money, it's a means to an end and I am more than happy to feed the kitty

[homer13]

Originally Posted by Annef

I guess my point is that most of these ladies (please note the lack of quotation marks)are, at least the ones I have met, are really uncommonly nice and giving. I think that's part of what makes them good at this. there is really is something to the old cliche, hooker with a heart of gold. You really do have to access a fair amount of general kindness and compassion do this. A lot of the gentlemen who do this (although very few will admit it to it) are not the best looking specimens in the world, but they are usually sweet and need you to be kind and loving and giving in a way that they are not getting in their "regular" life, whatever the hell tthat means. I find the whole imaginary lines between professional and civvie life to be a little ridiculous. It's all just life.

some yes, and some are there to have a great sexual experience

Originally Posted by Qziz

Agreed with most in this thread, especially Ms. AnneF.

And I will especially admit to not being a love god, unless you happen to be fond of Ganesha!

Much of what I look for in a session is simply the ability to be with a woman intimately and feel wanted and desired. I'm old enough and experienced enough that the sexual acrobatics, while nice, are secondary to the emotion and dopamine/oxytocin release *for me*. (It's also part of why I don't write reviews. Trust me, you'd be bored.)

Am I pathetic enough/lacking in social skills to the point where I can't see women socially unless I pay for the privilege? Of course not; I like to think that I'm a pretty charming bastard when I want to be, and one of the things I tell providers I befriend (and yes, I do, and yes, most of you do as well) is that I will never pay for time spent socially and I will always pay for time spent BCD. Boundaries are important things. I am paying for intimacy. Self-prescribed surrogates, perhaps? Who can say. I have the same motivation in strip clubs -- and usually do better there, ironically - the atmosphere is less stressful and there's more opportunity to feel each other out socially, so to speak.

However - intimacy is not romance. The two are often confused, and not by one gender in particular. But one is a very hormone-driven physical and psychological need, and the other is a spiritual need. Confusing the two will (not can - *will*) lead to problems. Again - boundaries are important things.

Some of this may come from my experience in polyamory and swinging when younger. Breaking free from the belief that your lover has to be your property tends to lead you in - in my opinion only of course - more mature ways of seeing intimacy and romance.

I've always thought you were charming bastard

[Annef]

@qziz, you know, I'm really a monogamist at heart, am not a "lifestyler", by any means, but I have learned a whole lot by the folks (quite a few, especially the ladies) who have gotten into this via the swinging route. Most of these ladies have very stable SO relationships, which I find to be fascinating! I think you hit the nail on the head with the whole property notion. I do get offended with guys so openly engaging in the double standard that its okay for them to be actively pursuing other women, in this regard or another, and then saying, at least in one instance on this board that, "some toys are only for me" , referring to his wife (not on this thread). I realize it was a poor metaphor, but it was used and your wife is not your toy, nor your property. If you can do it, why not her. I am a monogamist, I'm just more comfortable that way in a relationship, but I have taken a lot from those ladies and gentlemen who were/are swingers, mainly just the whole lack of sexual appropiation that happens in that lifestyle. I think its very healthy. @sabor, sure, its a job, like any other, at least in that regard. we need to get paid. But, that's not to say that you can't learn and grow from aspects of your job. I certainly have, in lots of ways I did not expect. In some ways, it's a very liberating thing to do. I do not think any more or less of myself according to how many men I've slept with.

[homer13]

Originally Posted by Annef

@qziz, you know, I'm really a monogamist at heart.

Your in the wrong trade then, cuz your vagina doesn't feel the same way, hahahahahahahah

[homer13]

Originally Posted by flinde

"My question to the ladies and civilized members of this board is how do you know you need to stop seeing them and start seeing a different provider/client so you don't fall into this trap?"

Answer. As soon as your dick is dry.

dammit that's what I was actually popping in to post.

I know it's time to stop "when my peep goes soft"

[Annef]

lol. maybe.

[Qziz]

Originally Posted by homer13

I've always thought you were charming bastard

I'm still not making you a sammich.

[sixxbach]

Originally Posted by Reincarnated

My question to the ladies and civilized members of this board is how do you know you need to stop seeing them and start seeing a different provider/client so you don't fall into this trap?

Quite simple.....

When you ask yourself this question

sixx