How has this helped you?

[Valerie]

Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

And I can understand that.... You have every right to that. See most guys that share that sentiment should not get married if they feel that way. Problem is they do and speak those words to their future wives at the alter that are suppose to have incredible meaning but turns they were hollow words. They want their cake and eat it too. I'm not saying they all do that but most do. Some started out meaning every word they spoke but then just gave up working on the marriage and chose to do this.

I do think that most guys go into marriage, in love, never thinking they would ever stray...but after kids, 10,15,20+ years down the road with the same person, at some point they are probably going to stray...

Not saying every man will, but the majority do....and that's just reality...

I'm just more of a realistic person when it comes to the idea of marriage, I've been married before, and also by doing this I get to talk to all these married blokes about why they do it...I don't think they're bad people, nor do I frown upon them because I think they should be at home working on their marriage...most of them have tried to work on their marriage, to no avail..So instead of a divorce, this is another option....

Some guys are pretty happy in their marriage and love their wives, they simply aren't satisfied sexually....usually because their wives have stopped having sex with them...So what's a guy to do!!??

[shorty]

Good point Valerie.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

It has helped me see just how wacked out some "mature" people truly are. It has also helped me realize just how much confidence people have within, regardless of what goes on around them and that there is good in everyone....somewhere in there.

I don't agree with the notion that we "save marriages" though. If all a marriage needed was a hooker to bring it back together, something is off in that equation. We are here for a release, companionship, and maybe friendship with the select few, but I would never look at what I do as some sort of "therapy."

I also think it's a bit weak to say, "If I don't have sex x amount of times per month, I am going to leave my wife and kids." WTF...that's not on me.

Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

I think the key word is "never knowing". In my opinion the foundation of a marriage is trust. Honesty is how you build trust. If I was married and seeing a provider because for whatever reason, saying "it's saving my marriage" then I would only be justifying it to myself.

Now please don't misunderstand me ladies. I don't feel that you are doing wrong. I do however have certain things that I consider right and wrong. That doesn't mean it is right or wrong. Just my opinion. The way I see it is this. Ask the wife if she knows he hobbies and if she says "yes and I am ok with it" then yes it may very well bd saving the marriage. If she says "yes and I'm not ok" then it isn't. It takes the two that are married to save the marriage not one. If you are doing something you "feel" is keeping the marriage together without your SO's input then you are just doing what "you" want. Not what is best for the marriage.

This is only my opinion......

EDIT TO ADD:
I also feel that most wives who say that they are fine with it, generally are so they can do what they want. Kind of like an ace in the hole. Guys do the same crap "hey I buy you everything you want, but you have a problem with me seeing who I want". People pull this crap everyday. That's not a marriage. It's not what it's about. When you enter into a marriage it is suppose to be about the person you married not you and vice versa.

Originally Posted by Naomi4u

If I were married and I find out that my husband sees providers I'd kick his ass.

Originally Posted by lil_michelle

I have to agree with the bunny... without honesty and trust, I would think it's not much of a marriage. I am not saying everyone should leave their wives, I am just saying most women would not be okay with their husbands seeing anyone on the side. Since I am in the middle of a divorce, I atleast know what doesnt work..lol

I am not saying anyone should feel bad here, I have no room to judge at all... I have made far more mistakes than most but I do think it might be pushing it to say it's "saving marriages" Its more like prolonging them til someone gets caught.

just my two cents worth and its probably not worth that.

Originally Posted by Eccie Addict

And I can understand that.... You have every right to that. See most guys that share that sentiment should not get married if they feel that way. Problem is they do and speak those words to their future wives at the alter that are suppose to have incredible meaning but turns they were hollow words. They want their cake and eat it too. I'm not saying they all do that but most do. Some started out meaning every word they spoke but then just gave up working on the marriage and chose to do this.

I think you guys make marriage sound easier than it is and draw too many bright lines down a very complicated relationship.

Marriage is extremely complicated and very hard to do and do well. The divorce rate shows that. People get divorced for a multitude of reasons and stay together for a multitude of reasons.

Does the hobby save marriages? Maybe. But it's probably too complicated to be reduced to that sentence.

There's no such thing as the perfect marriage. Each partner will think the marriage lacks "something." And if the marriage lacks something, then each partner may try to shore up the marriage by trying to find a "substitute" elsewhere. Here, we're talking about sex, but it could be any one of a number of things. A guy gets his "guy" batteries recharged being with the guys. Same for girls. Girls get a lot more out of shopping with the girls than they do shopping with the hubby.

Back to the sex. Naomi said she'd kick her husband's ass. I know a lot of women that carry that sentiment, especially pre-marriage. But you get married, the sex is great. Along comes a kid, and the sex ain't so great anymore. Maybe it dwindles to nothing. He's tired of begging and cajoling; she's tired of fending off his crude advances. It may be the only place in the marriage where there's friction (although stats say it's financial issues). So, should the marriage be flushed? Only the couple can say, but my guess is they tend to have more reason to stay together than to split the sheets.

So, IMHO, it's all very complicated. And a moving target. What you feel on one day may be totally different from another, and still different from a third.

Just my .02.

[charlestudor2005]

Originally Posted by Valerie

I do think that most guys go into marriage, in love, never thinking they would ever stray...but after kids, 10,15,20+ years down the road with the same person, at some point they are probably going to stray...

Not saying every man will, but the majority do....and that's just reality...

Val, I believe most every man strays at one time or another, or even continuously. I think it's the nature of men. Women, OTOH tend to be nesting creatures and are far less likely to stray.

[London Rayne]

I tend to believe that some people are just wired to be faithful, and others not so much. For these rare people, they are not a victim of their circumtances because they live by decision, not emotion. They don't do what they do for themselves, but for the sake of keeping a promise...a vow if you will.

I can say with all honesty I have NEVER cheated on a man in my life, but I have never really been in a long relationship...4 years was the longest. Even when I found out things about him I didn't like, cheating was the last thing that came to mind. Cutting his balls off sprung up more than once though lol. So did blowing up his boat, posting his picture in the "men seeking men" section of CL, but never cheating. I was too good for that he he.

[Valerie]

Originally Posted by shorty

Good point Valerie.

Thanks....it's just my .02....and I don't by any means believe in fairy tails haha

[Valerie]

Originally Posted by charlestudor2005

Val, I believe most every man strays at one time or another, or even continuously. I think it's the nature of men. Women, OTOH tend to be nesting creatures and are far less likely to stray.

I know...that's what I was saying ....

And I'm not trying to be a buzzkill to all the ladies out there who think opposite....I just think it's better to take a more realistic approach whilst going into a marriage...

[Chellablaine]

Uhh wrong Charles!! Women cheat more than men, we just dont get caught. Furthermore, you men talk about how the wife isnt putting out. You ever think maybe she just isnt giving YOU any? maybe "jodi" is getting all yours while your at work, or with an escort on your lunch break.

Ive been married, 2 times, and totally know the issues you can have. Ill only marry again if he is young, has stamina, rocks in bed, muscular, and so on. Then when he gets older and slacks off Ill trade him in for a new one, haha!

Oh and your avatar is grossing me out!!

[London Rayne]

ALL of you are seriously messing up my Cinderella fantasy here. Guess I will have to settle for "Pretty Woman." Geez.

[shorty]

Not all men stray. Sometimes the lady will stray. All my guys friends that are divorced, the lady was fucking someone else while they where still married. Both times they split and got back together and she strayed again. Second time around the guy's gave them the booth.

[Chellablaine]

Im stuck inside a hotel and a storm is outside, horny as hell, and my hotass is not here in town. This can only get better, haha.Might see how many points I can rack up tonight and catch up with you.

Originally Posted by London Rayne

Well tell us what you really think Chella...darn I have missed you!

[Chellablaine]

EXACTLY!! I bet the wifey didnt tell the bf or the husband she was trying to save the marriage, lmao! Women want the one who can lay it on her the best. Otherwise we get bored, and probably why you dont get laid, we want someone else who gives us that feeling and satisfies our needs.

Originally Posted by shorty

Not all men stray. Sometimes the lady will stray. All my guys friends that are divorced, the lady was fucking someone else while they where still married. Both times they split and got back together and she strayed again. Second time around the guy's gave them the booth.

[London Rayne]

Originally Posted by Chellablaine

Im stuck inside a hotel and a storm is outside, horny as hell, and my hotass is not here in town. This can only get better, haha.Might see how many points I can rack up tonight and catch up with you.

I can do 1500 posts in a month...easy. Speed!!

[FatBastard]

When you get married, you take an oath of fidelity. Be a man of your word. If your marriage is that unfullfilling, then "MAN UP", end it and move on.

For if a man chooses to honor the contracts he enters into at will, picking and choosing to suit his needs, then his word means little.

Like Dr Phil says, if he does it with you, he will do it to you......

[shorty]

A friend once told me " You could have the most gorgeous wife/husband and eventually one of you will get tired of fucking the other one."