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Originally Posted by Nicole Preston
At the end of the day, it is all about money. I never thought I would say it, but it's true. Yes, some guys are nice and care, but really...they just want to get laid and are more than happy to move on to the next if you don't give them what they want.
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At the risk of being flamed I'll speak openly (and I speak only for myself and my own experience, as it seems important to note that).
As mentioned above, I'm not really looking for an exit. My experience has been extremely positive, save for the odd bad one. But that's life, bad things happen from time to time. In almost a decade of companionship, the good ones have way out weighed the bad.
However, other women don't have as good an experience, or it doesn't meld well with their psyche. So the advice of having an exit strategy is good. Even though I don't want to "exit" I do have a fallback career. So if I'm injured, ill, tired, in need of solitude - I have options. Always have options!
Naturally I disagree that it's all about the money (because of my personal philosophy). I know many other women adopt it but I just can't do that. I spent my first 5 years believing it was all about money and it made me most unhappy and I think a worse companion (not that it makes all ladies worse, just me). In the second half of my career I met three men that changed my world and made my rebirth as Lauren possible.
I have formed friendships I treasure, and I have men I love. They haven't been happy to just abandon me when things weren't perfect, and in fact, I they've been most embracing of my imperfections as we've gotten to know each other. However, I was also happy with the fact that they were human, no selfless supermen. I still see some of the first men I've ever met, both on dates, and off the clock.
I make less money as Lauren, which is something I've not quite gotten used to, but have a much better time. Skimming the mens thread I see this fear of love. It is not rare for things to mean more then sex and money in this world. It doesn't always have to end badly or get complicated. You just have to be good at managing your heart (and few are). You have to have good relationship and boundary management as well. And when someone can't manage their heart or their mind, there's no use in trying to help/teach them. I'm not afraid of crossing boundaries, but I won't cross boundaries that my partner can't manage.
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Originally Posted by WTF
I always stress the importance of goals...this industry can be a great bridge to attaining ones goals. Once there quit and never look back!
Also to save one's $$$. I can not stress this enough.
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Great advice. However, not all of us want to quit. I'd just add that, even if you're in it for life (or as long as men desire you), one should still have goals outside of Demiland, and pursue them. Keeps the head on straight.
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Originally Posted by tylorblake
One of the best life lessons that I have learned in this last year is that it is good to know when to say goodbye.
whatever the reason I no longer looked forward to seeing them, at least in a business sense.
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An excellent point and it's never easy. I have three times been forced to say goodbye, because they weren't good for my psyche anymore. Good people at heart, but they were having a destructive effect on my self esteem and sanity, and I couldn't look forward to seeing them.
One piece of advice I often give women: Learn to say no to the money. No matter how high the number, if it's someone you aren't happy when you're together, it's better to turn away from the financial benefit. Women that never say no to the right number, seem to grow bitter and angry over time.
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Extra emails, texts, and phone calls are a waste of time. People will take the most they can get with little regard to your personal well-being. As providers, we are just one in the pool of many...don't kid yourself into thinking you are special or meaningful in someones life.
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Oh boy does my life experience contradict that! Again different philosophies and different life values, neither right nor wrong.
I have quite a few men pals. I have talked, texted and emailed men for well months before our first date. I rather like it, because when we meet it's oddly like meeting with an old friend for the first time. There are some men I text and email whom I have never met and will likely never meet, and we've been talking for well over a year.
In part this also comes from my old fashion love of letters. I think there's an "Art of Letters" lost to the modern age of Tweet like communication, that's a God damn shame. People who are good at expressing themselves through the written word can take you on an inspiring intellectual journey that is challenging to the mind and spirit. Through simple letters people have really challenged my philosophies, thoughts and experience in a way that thoughtfully and compassionately deconstructed and forced me to reconsider. In my PEI interview they asked what my most valued possession was, and I answered: A box of hand written letters, going back to the age of 10. From friends, crushes, lovers and people I never even met.
This continues to be true. My escort ads have given me a wonderful avenue to meet people of all walks of life and have fantastic dialogues. I continue to keep them, reading through, removing anything remotely personal, and printing them out to keep the body of the work. Some thoughtful minds out there, some truly great writers.
I find none of this a wast of time. I find it intellectually and spiritually enriching. However, this goes to a faith-based philosophy that I have adopted. The world is a wonderful place to explore, but so is the human mind. The authors, movies, philosophies, books, life experiences, general knowledge they've shared with me has been invaluable and irreplaceable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole Preston
Having said that, it's exhausting to take care of other's needs on a daily bases. I enjoyed it, yes, but looking back...that's a hell of a lot of energy spent just to make a few bucks. What's the return? Nothing, only monetary achievements, which I guess is nothing to smirk about.
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This I truly understand. It's so draining on so many levels, you exhaust yourself with no energy left for your own needs, or personal life friends and family sometimes. I do indeed need to hibernate from time to time to gather my resources. I also go though cycles where I focus a lot on friends and family, putting lovers aside, then switch and go through a period highly focused on lover. I also find telling people when I'm low on energy lets me know who gives a damn bout me and who wants what he wants it when he wants it regardless.
However, this is probably something I ought to never post on a forum anywhere, I come from a faith that in ancient time believed hookers belonged in temples. Aside from there, my faith also believes in something called "Solitary Priesthood", so you participate in no congregation, but take matters of the faith seriously and care for the souls of others.
So exposure to this over a long period of time has engraved itself in me and I embrace that. I will never have children, I will never marry. I find it very fulfilling to do what I can to care for people's psychological and emotional well being in a way that they allow and are comfortable with (boundaries).
I came very close to being a counsellor and working with the down trodden in life. However, I realized I can't let the pain go, and went home deeply depressed and in tears often. Needless to say, not the career for me. Though I don't "counsel" the people I meet in this life, if they
invite me to, and lay out the ground rules, I am more then happy to be part of their journey in life as a friend and lover - which unlike counseling abused women in shelters, leaves me feeling full of joy and still gives me that fulfilling sense of happiness (selfish, but not a bad way to be self fulfilling lol)
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Originally Posted by Becky
I have seen many sex workers spend their money on some of the goofiest things imaginable, and then complain when they hit a slow period, and are unable to pay their bills .I think that unfortunately many of the women who get in to this line of work have low self esteem. Throwing their money around is a way for them to feel better about themselves.
Regardless of what we charge, or how much we choose to work we all do very well especially considering what most people have been going through with our current economy. I guess this is one of my biggest pet peeves, but I just hate watching women throw away their money in an attempt to buy acceptance.
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Agreed. I don't think it's a self esteem issues though (at least not always). I met one woman who openly admitted to getting into the business to support her shopping.
I also think there's a psychological turn that happens as a result of the date structure of our business. Women stop thinking of things in terms of dollars and cents but hours. So that dress doesn't cost eight hundred dollars. it costs 4 hours. When you think about it that way, it's easy to buy the dress. Since they also earn money in what compared to other industries is lest work intensive, often (though not always) less stressful, and requires a lot of build up time to earn that wonderful income, they truly don't understand the value of the income they're earning. They have no understanding of the true value of money.
[QUOTE=charlestudor2005;182738]
It's a wonder I never see ladies advertising the 1/4 hour rate!!!
I've seen it in Toronto. A lady at a 15 min rate, a 30min rate and an hour rate.
At what point between 15min overtime do you charge for 30min, what if he goes 20min? What if his zipper gets stuck or something? Is there an egg timer going on in the back to let them know when he's moved into the 30 min realm? Okay, that was mean.
Anyway, thank you ladies. For some strange reason new women in Toronto are being pointed to me lately and asking for advice when starting out. This has given me a chance to give two views and some very solid advice to share.
WTF is right, this thread should be a sticky so other women can add to it!
