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MistressOlympia · 11-10-2010, 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilsmurf

Well I dont mind giving up control.... as long as the favor is returned...
and enjoyed of course. Thats my kink. I like being tied down to a bed bllindfolded,
teased a lot, sucked, fucked. She knew that when she untied me after a while...
it was her turn... and was best hobby sex ever!! She is still around too btw, and due to that appt, is on my Permanent top 3 ATF list. But there is no way in Zue's butthole am I gonna pay someone $$$$$ to tie me up, kick me in the nuts, or spank me without offering cimnqns or something simliar.
Hey you asked for my opinion.

Are you actually into being kicked in the nuts, or spanked? You don't seem like it. Hopefully no one would make you do that.

And what is "cimnqns"? I'm not up on escort world lingo?

MistressOlympia · 11-10-2010, 12:25 AM

Thanks! I've made a decision, so all of your responses are appreciated. I'll be doing sensual domination from now on, I just have to do some planning on how to make it work.

Guest061511-2 · 11-11-2010, 09:58 PM

I seperate the two as much as possible and agree with what Babee said. Now, I have escort clients that come to me for domination or sensual domination but they are not what I would call true submissives. My Domina site attracts a totally different clientelle. I hope no one takes offense to this but for me... I like using my mind and imagination as much as possible during D/s play. Personally, D/s play is something that transends sex or anything physical. It goes much deeper than that. If I were to have sex with one of my subs than I would feel I wasn't using my skills to the best of my ability. I don't judge anyone that does mix it up. I guess I should say I mix BDSM with escort clients but I do not mix escorting with my BDSM clients! I hope that made sense.

Krunkman · 11-12-2010, 09:05 AM

Coming from the other side of the equation, I see the different aspects and issues. However, it really depends on the connection you have with your domme. It's harder, in my opinion, to really establish a strong relationship in a pay-for-play relationship. If you are paying for your scene, then the dynamics are subtly different because if you are busy, or on vacation or whatever, the sub might just go see someone else. Or perhaps he's found someone new, and shiny and new can be exciting, though not necessarily as fulfilling.

Depending on that relationship established, sex might be fine, or it might not be. Only the individuals involved can answer that. And we all know how that sort of thing is frowned upon by the prodomme community (sex with your clients). It's like the third rail of prodomme work. If you do it you aren't a 'true' domme, or you are a hooker, etc. Lots of silly name calling and posturing.

It's funny how the two genders see these things. I know of some actual pro Male doms, who have female clients. While some clients go to them seeking just bdsm, there are those who are fine with having sex with their Dom. In those instances I've yet to find any males who would look askance at the male Dom for having sex with his client. They are more likely to high-five the guy than call him a hooker.

But then again witholding sex is typically a woman's realm rather than a man's, just like chastity play seems to be dominated by males in chastity instead of females in chastity. So it would make sense that these sort of concepts would also bleed into other areas, such as this.

What say you?

fenris42 · 12-07-2010, 12:27 AM

I like to combine GFE with golden showers or drinking golden nectar. But I don't really like the D/S scene or humiliation

Naomi4u · 12-07-2010, 04:55 AM

Too many fake dommes walking around these here parts/Way too many posers. I am friends with REAL dommes and they don't "spend time" with their clients. It's an insult to them. That is like Goddess Tierra www.goddesstierra.com or Princess Sierra www.bitchybeauty.com fucking their subs... there would be an uproar for sure lol. If I were a guy .. I would be turned off.

GFE and BDSM don't mix.. I'm a subby btw

Krunkman · 12-07-2010, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Naomi4u

Too many fake dommes walking around these here parts/Way too many posers. I am friends with REAL dommes and they don't "spend time" with their clients. It's an insult to them. That is like Goddess Tierra www.goddesstierra.com or Princess Sierra www.bitchybeauty.com fucking their subs... there would be an uproar for sure lol. If I were a guy .. I would be turned off.

GFE and BDSM don't mix.. I'm a subby btw

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "real" domme... The "real" ones that I know are quite skilled at their profession, though they don't usually offer sex in session. But that's a whole other discussion as to the why's. While for some they feel "insulted" if asked, others decline because the person doing the asking is not someone they wish to partake in having sex with. It's not that they are opposed to the idea, but they are picky.

The division in having sex with submissives seems to be the old sex-for-money issue, i.e. prostitution. "Real" dommes tend to stay away from that for legal and personal reasons. Some of them do, in fact, indulge in sex with their clients, but its very much on the downlow. They don't want to get an outcast in their community, and they also don't want to draw additional LE attention to their activities.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, provided both parties are willing and consenting. It's just going to depend upon the individuals involved. I've been to plenty of BDSM parties where there was lots of bondage and sex from real players. There wasn't any sort of posturing that goes along with the commercial side of BDSM. It was people doing what they wanted for their own reasons with consenting partners.

This notion of "real dommes don't have sex" is a bunch of nonsense.

Naomi4u · 12-07-2010, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krunkman

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "real" domme... The "real" ones that I know are quite skilled at their profession, though they don't usually offer sex in session. But that's a whole other discussion as to the why's. While for some they feel "insulted" if asked, others decline because the person doing the asking is not someone they wish to partake in having sex with. It's not that they are opposed to the idea, but they are picky.

The division in having sex with submissives seems to be the old sex-for-money issue, i.e. prostitution. "Real" dommes tend to stay away from that for legal and personal reasons. Some of them do, in fact, indulge in sex with their clients, but its very much on the downlow. They don't want to get an outcast in their community, and they also don't want to draw additional LE attention to their activities.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, provided both parties are willing and consenting. It's just going to depend upon the individuals involved. I've been to plenty of BDSM parties where there was lots of bondage and sex from real players. There wasn't any sort of posturing that goes along with the commercial side of BDSM. It was people doing what they wanted for their own reasons with consenting partners.

This notion of "real dommes don't have sex" is a bunch of nonsense.

Don't have SEX with their CLIENTS.... I never said they don't have sex. Geesh!

I am friends with both Tierra and Sierra... asking THEM for sex won't go over well.

Both of these ladies are Icons in the onine femdom world if you know anything about Online domination .. they also engage in RL sessions quite a bit and have openly talked about not having sex with their clients.

Think what you want i guess. we're all entitled to our own opinions.. no?

And when I said "REAL" dommes.. I meant REAL dommes because there are a lot of posers and FAKES out there. This is fact.

Krunkman · 12-07-2010, 10:18 AM

So how do you define a "Real" domme vs. a "Fake" domme?

And I understand the sex with clients issue. As far as my experience in the BDSM arena, it seems that this is a self-imposed limit. And often-times its quite at odds with its very own definition. I see "No Sex!" in many domme's ad's (even the "real" ones!). But in that very same ad they will talk about CBT, ass worship, strap-on training, etc. Those are all sexual acts, at least by my definition.

And yes, we are all entitled to our opinions. I wasn't saying you were not. I was, however, questioning you on how you came to arrive at your statements. I've been in and around the BDSM lifestyle for a couple of decades now. I've done/seen a lot, though there's always room to do/see something new. I try to keep an open mind.

The blanket statements given here, while they do have some basis in the scene from my experience, are really more self-imposed. Last time I checked there was no central authority that one went to get their domme license. Nor was their a way to go from fake to real domme.

Sex drives bdsm much as it drives so much in our life. Whether its up-front or behind the scenes it usually all comes down to hormones and desires. The sadist derives pleasure from inflicting pain, and they may experience pleasure akin to sex in doing so. That doesn't make their scene any less real than when two "vanilla" people engage in missionary sex with the lights off and are done 5 minutes later. It's just different.

I, too, know many dommes that engage in pay-for-play as well as doing similar things in their personal lives. Most chose to not engage in sex with their clients for personal reasons. But some do, again for their own reasons. The difference, in my mind, is that professional dommes sell the allure of sex, but refrain from completing the act with their client. Some will give handjobs/footjobs, or allow their client to orgams at the end. Some don't do any of that. It really just varies with each domme. But their refraining from offering sex doesn't make them any more real than a provider who happily climbs aboard her client during/after a session for some good old-fashioned sex.

In my mind the only difference between real and fake dommes has to do with their willingness to invest in equipment, costumes and skills. It takes time to master these arts. A 'fake' domme would then be a girl who's decided she can turn a quick buck by going to hot topic, buying an outfit, and sneering in her ad photos while holding a crop - "Mistress Candy DEMANDS ALL WORMS GIVE HER THEIR MONEY!". To me that screams wannabe... or in the vernacular a fake. A real domme invests in some good restraints, a decent outfit, figures out beforehand that using pantyhose for tight bondage is really a dumb idea, and listens to her clients when she is working up their fantasy. There's a number of ladies here that far exceed that minimum standard. The issue of them having sex with their clients is of no consequence to my definition of being a real domme.

But, as with all things in life, your definitions/life experiences may vary from mine. To each their own.

Naomi4u · 12-07-2010, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krunkman

To each their own.

Well said.

MistressToriLynn · 12-07-2010, 11:05 AM

I never go all the way with my clients. This keeps me legal and them always wanting what they will never have. And coming back. If I ever were to go further it would not be for $ Thats what the Pro Part means to me. I also think Dommes who offer full service make the rest of Us a target more then need be. Just My Honest Opinion. I also believe if you go all the way Your not a Pro Domme have entered into Provider status. Thats why I have not applied for provider status.

MistressToriLynn · 12-07-2010, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BritneyBangs

I seperate the two as much as possible and agree with what Babee said. Now, I have escort clients that come to me for domination or sensual domination but they are not what I would call true submissives. My Domina site attracts a totally different clientelle. I hope no one takes offense to this but for me... I like using my mind and imagination as much as possible during D/s play. Personally, D/s play is something that transends sex or anything physical. It goes much deeper than that. If I were to have sex with one of my subs than I would feel I wasn't using my skills to the best of my ability. I don't judge anyone that does mix it up. I guess I should say I mix BDSM with escort clients but I do not mix escorting with my BDSM clients! I hope that made sense.

Yes that is exactly how I feel as well. I hope I didnt sound too harsh. Ive had more them my escorting days, and did it as a sub. Oh and btw warm welcoming, I hope You enjoy it here. Hugs and Kisses

blowpop · 12-07-2010, 12:17 PM

This reminds me of the issue that comes up from time to time in the non-P4P BDSM community.

Is sex part of BDSM?

Some play groups are aggressively prudish about it, and turn their noses up at any sort of sexual stimulation during a scene. Some are OK with the subbie getting stimulated, but the dom should not. Others are pro-sex, and are OK with the scene going where it will, with everyone's consent, of course.

In the P4P world, legality enters into things. As does the whole aspect of BDSM lite, since it's doubtful that the kind of trust required for a true BDSM relationship can be built an hour or two at a time.

In this lite context, it seems silly to me to be focused on some sort of artificial restriction of protocol as being "real" or "true".

So for me, the bottom line is that each pro domme should make her own choices. An none of the choices makes one more "real" than any other choice.

Out_of_Bounds · 12-07-2010, 12:19 PM

I echo shackles and lilsmurf's sentiments. I would jump at the opportunity to be with a prodomme. To be bound and treated as a pleasure toy is about the only way I would allow myself to be put in that situation given my personal baggage with women. There must be something in there for me also. Forgive me if I offend some of you BDSM purists. That's just how I feel.

Naomi4u · 12-07-2010, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MistressToriLynn

I never go all the way with my clients. This keeps me legal and them always wanting what they will never have. And coming back. If I ever were to go further it would not be for $ Thats what the Pro Part means to me. I also think Dommes who offer full service make the rest of Us a target more then need be. Just My Honest Opinion. I also believe if you go all the way Your not a Pro Domme have entered into Provider status. Thats why I have not applied for provider status.

Very well said.

Thank you for confirming that.