Why does a married man hobby?

[Fiona Foxxx]

Originally Posted by swwaustin

Indeed.

Oh bear - you gonna make me blush!

[Guest031811]

Coming from an unwed and very young female, I do believe that "IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO".

A lot of men will say that "my wife doesn't fuck me enough", or "she won't give me head" "she's too fat", etc... therefore it is her own fault that I look elsewhere for sex.

Eh. I don't buy it. Cause and effect baby. Why do you think she doesn't fuck you? I think that's something important to explore. Maybe shes bored too. I don't know. Hell, I've never been married. Maybe she thinks your dick tastes awful and that's why she won't give you head. (again- this is me totally pulling shit out of my ass. It may or may not apply) However, I DO think that the WHY is important.

Think about it this way, if she's bored with you too, then maybe you can hobby together. OR, at least let her know what's going on. That way, its not cheating because there is no deception.

ALSO- (worst case scenario)... you bring home a little gift, and I'm not talking a tennis bracelet. Sure, your wife might refuse to give you head... but does she deserve to get HIV?

See what I mean?

I'm trying to picture myself, 60 years old, and bored to tears with my husband. I think if he and I had a conversation about us seeing other people, it would be with the understanding that we wouldn't bring home any presents. If that means that (at the age of 60) we have to have protected sex with each other "just in case"... then go for it. Dude, give me the fucking option to protect myself.

I just think that communication is REALLY important. Include me. Let me know what's going on. Don't lie to me.


[in 20 years- ask me this same question... let's see if I feel the same way]

[sanantonioman37]

I agree.........if you take personal responsibility about what you are doing or who you are doing. What ever your reasons for doing what your doing you must be safe about it. So that you don't bring an unwanted/unexpected surprise. Whether lying or being honest about what a man does is a personal issue just be sure you are looking at the cost to yourself, wife, children. Then make your choice for better or for worse................For me personally I choose to be open about it......

[Naughty_Jezabelle]

Brittany,

I respect your opinion on the matter, but I believe our profession we truly have no room to judge. If we are providing the service you feel is wrong for a married man to partake in, then that would be enabling it.

I was married, and now divorced. My relationship was vice versa. I had a huge sex drive. I was 18 yrs old married to an older gentlemen, and at first he gave me lots of attention. But over time things went sour and he had no desire to do anything. I couldn't understand. I felt undesired by the person I wanted most. My next door neighbor (man) and me would have coffee every morning, over time of being neglected by my husband and this man spending time flirting and being nice to me, I became sexually attracted to him. while I was to shy to ever do anything about it, i wouldn't have been able to say no if he would have touched me.

My major is college is relationship psychology and minor in human sexuality. Human nature is to need connection. In a long lasting marriage, sometimes that connection fades to where you become friends and/or roomates. A man going to his wife and saying "look, i need this so I am going to hobby" would not work in many instances. The wife would be hurt and the marriage may end. Most of these guys don't want to end their marriage and love their wives. They just need passion. They need touch and truly the nature of it all is they need to breed. It is inbreded into them so deeply to need to have sex.

I am sorry that you had a traumatic experience as a child, and I agree that married men should use extreme discretion for the sake of their family. What you father did was careless. But I can say this, I have been a dancer, bartender, in the military, a wife and now a provider. EVERYONE CHEATS! EVERYONE! at some point in their life, in some form, they cheat. When I date someone, I simply tell them that if they do it, be smart, don't get caught, don't feel guilty and try and make yourself feel better by confessing, and don't fall in love with anyone else: and all will be well.

HUmans are animals, and most animals were not meant to be monogamous. God Bless the swingers for figuring that out LMAO!

Just my 2 cents!

[DRAGON210]

Originally Posted by brittanylennox

Coming from an unwed and very young female, I do believe that "IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO".

A lot of men will say that "my wife doesn't fuck me enough", or "she won't give me head" "she's too fat", etc... therefore it is her own fault that I look elsewhere for sex.

Eh. I don't buy it. Cause and effect baby. Why do you think she doesn't fuck you? I think that's something important to explore. Maybe shes bored too. I don't know. Hell, I've never been married. Maybe she thinks your dick tastes awful and that's why she won't give you head. (again- this is me totally pulling shit out of my ass. It may or may not apply) However, I DO think that the WHY is important.

Think about it this way, if she's bored with you too, then maybe you can hobby together. OR, at least let her know what's going on. That way, its not cheating because there is no deception.

ALSO- (worst case scenario)... you bring home a little gift, and I'm not talking a tennis bracelet. Sure, your wife might refuse to give you head... but does she deserve to get HIV?

See what I mean?

I'm trying to picture myself, 60 years old, and bored to tears with my husband. I think if he and I had a conversation about us seeing other people, it would be with the understanding that we wouldn't bring home any presents. If that means that (at the age of 60) we have to have protected sex with each other "just in case"... then go for it. Dude, give me the fucking option to protect myself.

I just think that communication is REALLY important. Include me. Let me know what's going on. Don't lie to me.


[in 20 years- ask me this same question... let's see if I feel the same way]

WOW....

I have read through this thread and everyone has their opinions.

Ms. Brittnay, I respect your strong stance. I realize that a decision your father made has adversely affectected you as an adult. However, it is a personal choice. You have chosen a profession that many people would judge as "immoral". For you to sit there and judge a married man because of his indiscretions is unfair. Obviously there are many stigmas associated with the hobby. There are risks involved for all parties. The reason that I choose to hobby is it removes the emotional backlash. I pay for a service and there are no strings attached. I have no worries about someone saying the wrong thing in the wrong situation like what happened to you.

IMHO if you feel this strongly against seeing married men you should choose not to. Perhaps you chose the wrong profession because I would bet the majority of male hobbyists are indeed married. It seems a bit hypocritical for you to bash their decisions yet still be willing to take their money. We are all adults here and all choose what to do within the hobby. You have some very strong opinions (which I respect).

[sanantonioman37]

Wow Naughty, I have a hard time thinking of you as being undesired by someone. I agree people do change over time. I guess its easy for people to start off idealistic or high expectations from one another. Then you find out that make mistakes, have needs and wants that leads to make certain decisions in their life. I am a firm believer in being up front without being brutally honest. I was in an open relationship that lasted for 9 years and we knew each other for 3 years before we realized we shared the same view on life. We loved each other.

[Mature Companion]

We all hobby for various reasons. Regardless who's single, married or has an S/O of any kind. We all make a choice to hobby. Some folks will be accepting of it. Others won't. Tis life.

However, one thing everyone should keep in mind. Especially you men with S/O (of any kind). DO NOT CHANGE your behavior nor your persona. IF you had to beg, whine, pout for sex or intimacy prior to finding the hobby. Then YOU continue to beg, whine, pout for it while your hobbying & getting it outside your home. Women are very perceptive creatures. The moment you change. Your busted!
You go home and you love the one your with. Regardless of you not getting what you need at home. There are many women NOT getting what they need at home either.

We're all adults. In this hobby- Feed your need. Not your heart!

If you hobby. You don't keep girlfriends nor sugar baby's. You have to know how to hobby on a thin line of enjoying it. Enjoying the pleasure & friendships w/o getting too attached.

I'm all for don't ask, Don't tell. I don't want to know about your marital status. The less I know the better!

Hobby safely & wisely! (married, single or otherwise)

[textodd11]

Brittany,

I have to reiterate what has been said here and elsewhere regarding some of the opinions that you have expressed regarding the hobby and men in general. From what I can tell, this business doesn't seem to be the best choice for you. There seems to be a real cynicism and disdain for your clientele that comes out in the discussion boards.

Maybe I'm misreading something or reading something into your posts, and if so, I apologize. But are you sure this is something you want to be doing? Because I guarantee, most of your clients are in committed relationships of one kind or another. In addition, you might want to experience what it's like to be in a committed but sexually unfulfilling relationship before judging others who have experienced it.

One more thing, you're right, it does take two to tango. So if a man is stepping out to see providers because he is unfulfilled at home despite trying very hard to make it work, then the wifey is the other half of that tangoing two and therefore, using your own logic, just as responsible.

[rgvpapi]

wow....just.....wow.

[Mature Companion]

I can't speak for Brittany. However as an older woman with some knowledge & understanding as to *why* many men in general, (hobby). I can however, give some insight as to why Brittany *may* feel the way she does about married men.

One thing men need to understand is that there is a WIDE variety of different *types* of men who hobby.
NOT all men are kind, respectful & understanding of the women in their life and the reason/s as to why their S/O may not be nor want to be intimate with them.

Many of those reasons could range from physical to emotional to various other reasons. Some which are plainly not an excuse they use to keep from having sex with the men in their lives. It's men who understand or respect those reasons. Are men who hobby with an great understanding & compassion for women.
They're fulfilling their need in the hobby, Yet still loving the woman in their life. Is it wrong? It's not for us to judge.

However, there are men who treat women like dogs. They expect a lot from the woman in their life and DO get their sexual needs met at home. Yet they talk smack about their wives or gf and feel they have the RIGHT to get it elsewhere too. Many of those men hobby. And in turn treat the providers like crap. Married dogs as I like to put it. Are probably the ones Brittany might of encountered during her time in the hobby? (only she can answer that).

Then you have the sex addicts. No matter how much sex & intimacy they get with their wife or GF.
They still have to feed the constant sexual urge at every turn. And thus hobby or go to strip clubs or even pick up random women in the civilian world every chance they get. Their addiction can & may become a problem at home & thus the S/O may wish for him to get it fulfilled elsewhere. A woman's body can only handle so much.

Then there are those emotional lonely men who no matter what. Need to have their emotional needs met.
And thus those men (who hobby) tend will email or PM providers with an expose of everything about their life,wife/kids etc. Prior to ever meeting the provider. And thus turning the lady off in an instant. Knowing that he carries a lot of baggage and thus he may become too clingy if the provider were to meet said hobbyist.

And yes, there are SINGLE guys who apply to the above.


No matter what type of hobbyist you are. Know that the providers meet at least one of every kind during her time in the hobby. Not all men hobby for the same reason nor treat women the same way.
And thus not every lady is going to be accepting of every guy she meets or converses with.

[rgvpapi]

Would it be wrong for me to say I hobby because at least the provider tells me the price up front?

[Carnegie Steele]

Wasn't it Charlie Sheen (the actor) who said "I don't pay them for sex, I pay them to leave".

Don't we all pay for the benefits of the pleasure without the emotional attachments (or consequences).

-CS

[handyGiraffe]

IMHO....I don't think most guys on here give a rare rats ass why the other guy is in the hobby...what they care about is whether the guys put up factual info about his visits and conducts himself responsibly while visiting....It might come as a shock...but...we don't sit around in a circle and pat each other on the back, rock back and forth.. and sob about why we choose to hobby...it just is a fact that we do.

If a provider has a problem seeing married or attached men with SO's they should say so in their provider ads and the married guys can make an informed decision to see someone who doesn't have that problem....no harm and no foul either way.....

[Guest031811]

DRAGON and Textodd-

Please. Do me a huge favor and RE-read my posts on this topic. I never once said "I hate married men" or "married men who cheat are going to hell" or "I refuse to see married men".


Nah. I am not being hateful. I'm just sharing my opinion. Hey- its a FORUM. If everyone is thinking alike, then SOMEONE isn't thinking.

We may never see eye to eye, but that doesn't mean that you should "vote me off" by suggesting that I get a new job and stop participating in the hobby. I like my job. But there are parts I disagree with.

Let me make a parallel example-
You obviously disagree with certain "laws" concerning human sexuality (as I do too), otherwise you would not participate in the hobby. Should we all pack up and leave Texas? Should we be kicked out? Nah. That's society. People must agree to disagree.

Perhaps you are married and feel that I am "personally attacking you"? Well, sorry. My intent was to demonstrate that infidelity can damage lots of people's lives AND a great way to prevent that type of damage is to be honest.

I think if I were 10 years old and found out that my parents were swingers, it would have had a different impact on me. (I'm not saying that its healthy for a kid to know about mom & dad's sex lives, but I think if I had to choose, I'd rather know that my parents were honest with each other). Why? Because, like I said before, if it were me, I want to know how my PARTNER (think about that definition for a moment) is feeling. As a PARTNER, I'm going to care about you and love you. I'd want to figure this shit out with you (whatever it is that is causing you to be unhappy).

I got a lot of responses saying that "the typical marriage" or the "typical woman" doesn't work that way. Give your wife some credit. C'mon, you married her for a reason. Talk to her. She might surprise the SHIT out of you and say, "Hey, let's go hobby together... or can I watch?... or fine, but you have to film it so we can watch it later."

In fact I know of about 4 men who have told me, upfront, "I'm married but my wife "lets me play."" Morally, I have no qualms with that. None. I think, "hey, this guy must have an AWESOME relationship with his wife." AND I respect him MORE for that.


Furthermore------
I am in agreement with MILF. When you come over, the less I know about you, the better. Hey- its a safety precaution. Plus, the hobby is about being in a fantasy. When you walk in my house, the fantasy is ON. I don't want to know about your wife and kids, and you don't want to know about my shitty day at school. When you come over to f*ck me, that's it. You're there to get hot and have a good time. Anything that f*cks up that fantasy is a big no-no in my book.

Agree with me or disagree with me. But don't tell me that I shouldn't hobby. That's no one's decision but my own.

I can't tell you not to hobby, because its not my place.

BUT- we can ALL freely share our feelings about certain aspects of the hobby. That's what makes this forum a great place.

[DRAGON210]

Originally Posted by brittanylennox

DRAGON and Textodd-

Please. Do me a huge favor and RE-read my posts on this topic. I never once said "I hate married men" or "married men who cheat are going to hell" or "I refuse to see married men".


Nah. I am not being hateful. I'm just sharing my opinion. Hey- its a FORUM. If everyone is thinking alike, then SOMEONE isn't thinking.

We may never see eye to eye, but that doesn't mean that you should "vote me off" by suggesting that I get a new job and stop participating in the hobby. I like my job. But there are parts I disagree with.

Let me make a parallel example-
You obviously disagree with certain "laws" concerning human sexuality (as I do too), otherwise you would not participate in the hobby. Should we all pack up and leave Texas? Should we be kicked out? Nah. That's society. People must agree to disagree.

Perhaps you are married and feel that I am "personally attacking you"? Well, sorry. My intent was to demonstrate that infidelity can damage lots of people's lives AND a great way to prevent that type of damage is to be honest.

I think if I were 10 years old and found out that my parents were swingers, it would have had a different impact on me. (I'm not saying that its healthy for a kid to know about mom & dad's sex lives, but I think if I had to choose, I'd rather know that my parents were honest with each other). Why? Because, like I said before, if it were me, I want to know how my PARTNER (think about that definition for a moment) is feeling. As a PARTNER, I'm going to care about you and love you. I'd want to figure this shit out with you (whatever it is that is causing you to be unhappy).

I got a lot of responses saying that "the typical marriage" or the "typical woman" doesn't work that way. Give your wife some credit. C'mon, you married her for a reason. Talk to her. She might surprise the SHIT out of you and say, "Hey, let's go hobby together... or can I watch?... or fine, but you have to film it so we can watch it later."

In fact I know of about 4 men who have told me, upfront, "I'm married but my wife "lets me play."" Morally, I have no qualms with that. None. I think, "hey, this guy must have an AWESOME relationship with his wife." AND I respect him MORE for that.


Furthermore------
I am in agreement with MILF. When you come over, the less I know about you, the better. Hey- its a safety precaution. Plus, the hobby is about being in a fantasy. When you walk in my house, the fantasy is ON. I don't want to know about your wife and kids, and you don't want to know about my shitty day at school. When you come over to f*ck me, that's it. You're there to get hot and have a good time. Anything that f*cks up that fantasy is a big no-no in my book.

Agree with me or disagree with me. But don't tell me that I shouldn't hobby. That's no one's decision but my own.

I can't tell you not to hobby, because its not my place.

BUT- we can ALL freely share our feelings about certain aspects of the hobby. That's what makes this forum a great place.

And you sould re-read my post as well. I never told you to get out of the hobby. I simply expressed my opinion based on your previous posts and comments regarding married men. And if you read the last line of my post I expressed respect for your opinions. I am not here to preach or tell anyone what they can or cannot do. This is a fantasy forum and I respect everyone's fantasy. However, your comments come across as if you have something against married men. I gave my opinion based on your posts.
Your comments give a very negative impression of married men in the hobby. That decision is my personal choice and I in no way am bashing you for the way you feel. I still respect the fact that you are a very opinionated young lady. I happen to like that. Much better than someone who agrees with everything blindly.