What are your thoughts on deposits?

[onestarter]

Originally Posted by myren1900

It doesn’t really matter to me. It will usually increase the total cost of .the date a bit even with a discounted donation. I have only done this a few times for providers I see regularly.

ditto

[laserface]

Currently, my thoughts on deposits are "no"...

I've done it exactly twice. Both times with the same travelling provider, both times deposit paid via money order sent to her "fan club" PO box - she wanted me to advance her half of the cost of the session, plus half the cost of her hotel accommodations. At the time I thought it was reasonable, because the lady was traveling to my area at my specific request and didn't even have any guarantee of getting any other appointments besides me on the trip The first time was actually ok, I met the lady, we had a lovely time, no problem. The second time, I met with her, then a couple weeks afterwards she emailed me claiming that her bank told her I'd stopped payment on the deposit (which isn't even possible with a money order, AFAIK), and that I needed to replace it (with interest) immediately or she was going to turn the matter over to her attorney and the police to have charges filed against me for fraud and theft by deception. She just kept harassing me, I eventually sent her money to make her go away, and never spoke to her again.

Never doing a deposit again. All appointment fees are paid only in person at the time of the appointment. If someone doesn't want to schedule with me because of that, I get it, and that's fine. But there is just too much potential for stuff to go wrong. I've heard plenty of stories from other guys I know, who've paid a deposit in advance, and then just never heard from the lady again. That's basically the most benign way it can go wrong, just being out the money paid for the deposit - especially in a situation where screening is involved and the lady has received a hobbyist's real-life personal information (as was the case with my situation).

[ICU 812]

This topic has come up before. There are several threads on deposits pro and con. The pros do not change and neither doo the cons.

In my book, he most important things for both parties center around safety. Pysical safety from shady actors on both sides of the hobby/provider equation, Safety from STD exposure and safety regartding LE.

The giving and receiving of a deposit with an agreement to meet for sex is a solid case for any vice prosecutor. There are cycles of lax and intense enforcement anywhere, With the increasing involvement of LE in the e-commerce world, the possibility of a sting to target Hobbyists and/or providers is greater if the hobby transaction involves a deposit. Throw in that the provider is looking to travel to an other city and there is also a solid case for traffic king.

For me, we can talk all we want, but cash at the time of the session has got to be the only method for transferring the donation.

[rcinokc]

I've never understood how a guy can get so dead set on seeing a certain provider that they throw all reason out the window. Deposits, prepays, "loans", RW info, having someone to your residence, and I'm sure many more are all ripe for potential disappointment if not disaster. It only takes one encounter to go bad to totally fuck up your life. And even though you think you're special or because you see someone multiple times does not mean that you "know" them. It simply means that you have a good business relationship with them.

[Sienna91]

Well I'm sorry you all have had bad experiences
it's just hard for me to see why a girl would want to rob a guy anyway I just don't understand why would I want to Rob someone that is trying to give me money?

I'm just thankful that I have clients that for the most part don't cancel on me and if I ever were to need a deposit because of an expensive trip I don't think they will have a problem paying it since they have offered to pay it in the past even though I told them it wasn't necessary

[fly]

The only time I have sent a deposit was to a provider that offered a substantial discount for prepaid appointments when booked well in advance. Since I had a history with her, I didn't see a lot of risk. I have taken advantage of this program she offered since 2017. This is like a discount for a non refundable hotel room. So far the benefits have outweighed the risk!

[Old-T]

Originally Posted by onestarter

I have been hobbying for several years in various states and countries. I have provided deposits when asked (only when I am asking them to come to me) and the provider has a positive presence on this site and other sites as well. I get why its done. A few bad apples....

However, the bad apples are not just found in the hobbyist area but in the provider area as well. I have been burned on a few occasions but I don't know any other way around it.

When I'm burned I try to note it on the boards for others to know. When I have a good time and all went well I note that too. I hope someone reads my posts and can then take the appropriate informed actions.

Well said. Essentially it is about sharing the risk, because there are bad folks of both genders.

A lot of guys--and you see it in many of the posts on this thread--want the ladies to take ALL the risks. The ladies have as much to lose as the men, and to me asking them to take all the risk is wrong. I certainly understand why some men want that, but it is both unfair, and in most cases unwarranted. Scams work in both directions.

Almost every time a lady had a specific requirement to meet that was not acceptable to me, we found a way to compromise and let both people feel safe. In the few cases we could not find some mutually acceptable middle ground we both agreed not to meet.

[Sienna91]

Most hotels are non-refundable that I book. I can't tell you how many people who have booked me last minute on the day I was supposed to check out so I got another room to extend my stay and change my travel plans and they flaked. Nine times out of 10 when someone cancels that is always the case which is why do not take last-minute appointments on the day that I'm leaving. And then when you ask the person to pay the cancellation fee or the very least reimburse you for the room they want to get smart.

For the most part there's more sketchy providers than reputable ones. And doing stuff like that is really why girls who are reputable a lot of the times raise their prices and give more extreme policies is because we're tired of getting taken advantage of.

You're right about the risk to be honest the woman is definitely taking more of the rest after all the hotel is in our name.

it's just sad that people don't respect the provider's time enough that they have to ask for deposits to begin with. you should just honor your commitment or if you can't tell them in a timely manner if everyone did that we wouldn't have to ask for deposits

I literally had one guy today write me a message and laugh at me because he canceled last minute and I asked for cancellation fee

I understand that bad apples spoil it for providers but they really spoil it for hobbists too

[Chung Tran]

Originally Posted by Sienna91

it's just hard for me to see why a girl would want to rob a guy anyway I just don't understand why would I want to Rob someone that is trying to give me money?

it's hard for me to understand why Countries go to War, when War yields no winners, and results in human misery 10 out of 10 times.

some one willing to give you money is sort of the point.. you know he has money, and that is your goal, to extract that money. when you are a Robber, it's not about your providing him a service, him giving you cash in return. it's about you being a Thief, an aggressive Thief, who will take whatever cash he has. given your prearranged terms, you know he has at least the amount agreed upon.

[farmstud60]

I don't do deposits, but then I usually only do 1 hr or sometimes 90 minutes sessions. I would never pay a deposit unless I would book for 4 hours or more.


I also don't see someone expecting cancellation fees. I have never no call no showed anyone.

[onestarter]

Originally Posted by Sienna91

Most hotels are non-refundable that I book. I can't tell you how many people who have booked me last minute on the day I was supposed to check out so I got another room to extend my stay and change my travel plans and they flaked. Nine times out of 10 when someone cancels that is always the case which is why do not take last-minute appointments on the day that I'm leaving. And then when you ask the person to pay the cancellation fee or the very least reimburse you for the room they want to get smart.

For the most part there's more sketchy providers than reputable ones. And doing stuff like that is really why girls who are reputable a lot of the times raise their prices and give more extreme policies is because we're tired of getting taken advantage of.

You're right about the risk to be honest the woman is definitely taking more of the rest after all the hotel is in our name.

it's just sad that people don't respect the provider's time enough that they have to ask for deposits to begin with. you should just honor your commitment or if you can't tell them in a timely manner if everyone did that we wouldn't have to ask for deposits

I literally had one guy today write me a message and laugh at me because he canceled last minute and I asked for cancellation fee

I understand that bad apples spoil it for providers but they really spoil it for hobbists too

Not to sound repetitive but it is a two way street. Guys who are booking last minute and know you are changing plans should be responsible by showing up or helping cover the additional fees.

On one occasion the provider had just checked out when I made contact because business was just not happening for her. I ended up getting the room myself. Not a big deal if the provider is as reputable as yourself.

[Sienna91]

Originally Posted by Chung Tran

it's hard for me to understand why Countries go to War, when War yields no winners, and results in human misery 10 out of 10 times.

some one willing to give you money is sort of the point.. you know he has money, and that is your goal, to extract that money. when you are a Robber, it's not about your providing him a service, him giving you cash in return. it's about you being a Thief, an aggressive Thief, who will take whatever cash he has. given your prearranged terms, you know he has at least the amount agreed upon.

obviously we know people do bad things I'm just saying it literally makes no sense at all to do something like that

I'm just not that type of person. just doesn't make sense why you would ruin your entire business over money you were about to receive anyway

I don't know maybe I just follow the Golden rule

[Sienna91]

Originally Posted by farmstud60

I don't do deposits, but then I usually only do 1 hr or sometimes 90 minutes sessions. I would never pay a deposit unless I would book for 4 hours or more.


I also don't see someone expecting cancellation fees. I have never no call no showed anyone.

Depending on who the provider is 1 hour or a 90-minute session can be substantial for me a 1-hour or 90-minute session is a lot of money so I would be kind of upset if a guy last minute cancelled on me especially the day that I was leaving so I had to change plans just for him

And it would be right for me to expect something if I just rebooked the room and now just lost out on $$$$-$$$$$$$ plus the cost of the room and to change my flight

To put it into perspective if your boss promised you overtime so you made arrangements to be able to be at work and then you get there and he says sike go home.. You would not be happy.

For me I don't see as many people there for all of my appointments are important

I think it's a misconception that one appointment doesn't matter if a person cancels that absolutely depends on who the provider is.

I am very strict about my cancellation policy and I don't hound people who don't pay it but let them know they will never be able to rebook

[awildcat1]

I rarely schedule just an hour. 90 or 2 hours allows for a better connection. To me it's not just the act. It's about enjoying being with the person that you are with. And a big part of that is for her to enjoy the time as well. I have cancelled twice. Once for a death in the family, and the other time (right at the start of the COVID lockdown) because I had a cold, and was concerned for the welfare of the provider. Both times I cancelled days ahead, not the day of. It is only fair and the gentlemanly thing to do.

[Jadec5717]

Very well said! It doesn’t upset me at all when people cancel, everyone has a life, family, etc and both parties should be understanding.

Originally Posted by awildcat1

I rarely schedule just an hour. 90 or 2 hours allows for a better connection. To me it's not just the act. It's about enjoying being with the person that you are with. And a big part of that is for her to enjoy the time as well. I have cancelled twice. Once for a death in the family, and the other time (right at the start of the COVID lockdown) because I had a cold, and was concerned for the welfare of the provider. Both times I cancelled days ahead, not the day of. It is only fair and the gentlemanly thing to do.