Hobby perspective after some years?

[Guest070818-1]

Originally Posted by DarthDVader

I totally agree BSB, balance in life keeps us whole ... and you are most welcome to write chapter 2 ... that's what this thread is for ... LOL

Thank you, but I'll pass for now. I'm done comparing blow up dolls to providers. This has been a great thread so far, DarthDVader. Oh, how I love Egg Nog with a little bit of crown around this time of year!

[DarthDVader]

Yummy ... I have to try it ...

Originally Posted by brownsugarbaby

Thank you, but I'll pass for now. I'm done comparing blow up dolls to providers. This has been a great thread so far, DarthDVader. Oh, how I love Egg Nog with a little bit of crown around this time of year!

[TexTushHog]

Originally Posted by thathottnurse

I used to think it was just about the Fcuking. Since being here about a year and half I've learned that there are two extreme ends of the hobby spectrum: those who want a live plastic doll to bang the hell out of and those who want to fall in love with anyone who treats them like they are the center of their world for a few hours despite how much they know the lady tells all her other lapdogs the same story (unfortunately, i saw this extreme very recently and still can't make sense of it, but I digress).

Anyway, ya two ends. Most guys fall somewhere in the middle where either they want at least a minimum effort of IOP (GFE or PSE), be it sincere or not, or they want more of a mental/emotional IOP while still keeping hobby boundaries intact. More mature hobbyists who have been at this awhile may desire the latter due to a number of factors (physical and/or psychological) and they just want more of an overall girlfriend experience rather than the hot n heavy 'wam-bam' session. Nothing wrong with either type of hobbyist Imho its just a matter of preference. Kind of like the difference between the words "whore" and "companion". It's all in the eyes of the beholder and there is absolutely nothing wrong with either one.

I think once you become an experienced provider you have the ability to adapt to either expectation but tend to gravitate to one or the other based on personal preference and the type of hobbyists you attract over time. That being said, its always good to have balance so you don't lose sight of the big picture. I love being a "whore" sometimes and a "companion" other times. The key is knowing where to draw the line and not fcuk people over by leading them into believing things that aren't real.

I learned a long time before providing that the rainbow of deception never leads to anything good - not even when its a pot of gold. Not all money is good money.

Great thread btw. Really enjoyed reading what's already been posted. Very insightful!

A well thought out post full of insight. And it points out like any job that pays reasonably well, being a provider is 1) harder than it looks; and 2) damned difficult if you want to be at the top of your field. I was particularly struck by the part about having to intuit what was motivating each customer, and once you placed him on the spectrum, how to use your skills to adjust your performance to maximize his experience.

One thing, looking back and having had a bit of time to think about this "what I've learned" issue that I've noticed, and frankly been surprised by, is how much overt and public mysogony there seems to be among a significant subset of hobbyists. I don't understand that at all. But it certainly seems to exist. And many don't seem to take any steps to hide that aspect of their personality.

[Guest092216]

Originally Posted by TexTushHog

A well thought out post full of insight. And it points out like any job that pays reasonably well, being a provider is 1) harder than it looks; and 2) damned difficult if you want to be at the top of your field. I was particularly struck by the part about having to intuit what was motivating each customer, and once you placed him on the spectrum, how to use your skills to adjust your performance to maximize his experience.

One thing, looking back and having had a bit of time to think about this "what I've learned" issue that I've noticed, and frankly been surprised by, is how much overt and public mysogony there seems to be among a significant subset of hobbyists. I don't understand that at all. But it certainly seems to exist. And many don't seem to take any steps to hide that aspect of their personality.

The mysogony is what I've found most surprising (since i thought the hobby was supposed to be about enjoying women). But yes you are right, there are a group of gents who genuinely despise women, especially the ones who get paid to fcuk.

Oh well though, I wish I could stand up and pee. Doesn't mean I'm gonna hate you bc I can't.

[pfmtony]

DV great topic.

Its my first year but I've gone all in. My hobby experiences ate many and varied.

For me I'm slowly realizing like most things in life quality trumps quantity, and cost and quality are sometimes not related but can be.

I simply love women. Inspire of a desire to be a real stud, I cannot bang any random woman. For me there has to be a connection first. I know its temporary and fleeting but for me I have to be close for the time we spend together. I don't fall for the gal everytime but when I do and we both forget the world besides each other that's when its best. Quality.

And its the little things that are important. I like all kinds of wild stuff but lfk, DFK, hugs and IOP are most important.

[DarthDVader]

The mysonogy mention made me think about the "reasons" why we hobby ...
Not my case, but i can definitively perceive that some hobby because they cant get it at home and are bitter about it ... or come from a nasty divorce, a terrible betrayal or some other reasons that have infected their personal relationship with the opposite sex ...
For them the hobby provides an opportunity to pay to get even with the opposite sex ... thus the alerts about unnecessary roughness, name calling, nasty comments or blatant attacks that have ended in even murder, towards ladies ... but this is a deviation that crosses respect and and even safety ...
No matter its the hobby, a code of conduct should prevail ...

[Guest092216]

Originally Posted by OldGrump

The hobby has made me communicate more openly and specifically with my SO about sex issues I may have previously hinted at.

My first arranged appointment (I had some single years in the 80s where I picked up ladies on a popular street), was for L1 only and I felt guilty afterwards. As my participation progressed, I realized that falling in love or getting emotionally involved was the furthest thing from my mind. I have the love of my life at home.

When I hobby, I want to spend some time with someone I enjoy being with. This isn't any different than which guy I may associate with. If I don't like a person, I'd just as soon not have them around me.

The ladies I see are adaptable to just talking, cuddling, and attempting other things that may not be working. Thus the need to enjoy the company. As THN has observed, it is not just about fucking. Yes, tender touches can cause an arousal and BBBJs feel good. It is also rewarding to see what a lady goes through when she is made to feel good. But the draw is a combination of attractions and sex is just part of it. Take any one of the components out and you have chosen the wrong partner for the session.

In a nutshell - the hobby is fun. You meet interesting people and get to make each other feel good.

This made me smile really really big! I think that is one of the biggest blessings of providing: opening the door to otherwise uncomfortable subject matter for men. Who else are gents going to confide in sexually if not their SO? At times this is not possible or impeded for some reason or another. Providing intimate services to gents builds confidence in areas that are off limits or tabu in every other facet of life. To me that is the best part of providing: communication, acceptance and eventually confidence for a man who might otherwise feel ashamed or embarrased. Very cool feeling to be able to offer that. And it's even more rewarding when you know it has positively affected their long term relationships.

[Sir Lancehernot]

Originally Posted by DarthDVader

How do you feel about your gained experience, and how you see the way you hobby now?

I, too, think THN gets it pretty close to spot on. While I got into the hobby to realize a dream that for most of my generation was a plentiful reality during our teens and 20s -- the opportunity to have sex with an attractive woman -- I now do so because it allows me to experience feelings that I cannot experience anywhere else: feelings of passion; of closeness; of a beautiful, shared experience. The fact that I'm having the best sex of my life is directly related to experiencing those feelings.

Maybe I've just been very lucky in my selection of providers in the last two years. Maybe it takes a session or two or three for me to begin to appreciate a particular lady. Or maybe I'm finally realizing that it's okay to let go and open up, though I still find myself holding back, ever fearful of hearing the word, "no."

I'm finding that, while it may be difficult to achieve those feelings of intimacy with someone I just met, it becomes easier to experience them, provided you have the right partner, with someone new in your life as you see more or her. My friends-for-an-hour don't know my real-life friends, coworkers, bosses, family, and so I don't have to live up to a set of expectations that have been built up over the years. I'm free of the constraints imposed by my real-world persona, free to talk about things that I wouldn't or couldn't discuss with anyone in my real life, and, of course, free to experience physical sensations that are denied me elsewhere and (attempt, at least) to provide pleasure others that I cannot otherwise provide.

One thing that my mind has learned but that my heart hasn't is that, much as I would like to be special to my friends-for-an-hour, I am not and never will be anything more than just a client. That was a very painful lesson I learned many years ago. Whatever it is they are looking for -- power, money, gifts, trips, better sex, friendship, networking -- there are plenty of other men who can provide it much better than I can. That doesn't stop me from making a fool of myself (I keep having flashbacks to the john that Jamie Lee Curtis grabbed the flowers from and then slammed the door in "Trading Places") by occasionally bringing gifts, offering to buy lunch, sending occasional e-mails to ladies who are tolerant and gracious enough to say that they enjoy them. Just as I seek to add value to my life by seeing providers, so I would love to have the opportunity to add something to their lives beyond a couple of Benjamins for an hour. OTOH, I count myself exceedingly fortunate over the last decade or so, particularly in the last two years, to have not yet encountered anyone whose approach to the hobby included emotional manipulation or using our relationship as leverage to request more of me than I was willing to provide.

[bored@home]

Originally Posted by DarthDVader

My question fellow hobbyists is: How do you feel about your gained experience, and how you see the way you hobby now?
Im really interested on hearing your opinion ladies and gents ...

When I first started here, EC, I was a fool...maybe still am.
My early lurking days prior to the lounges, ros, and private tags painted this place as a Mecca for the similar minded.
As time has progressed the curtain has been pulled back or been made more transparent and it has lost some of the luster. I have been lucky enough to meet some great and not great people all of which counter the scales of this community....each cog does its part the wheels of the world keep turning.
Overall the "hobby" is less magical than first imagined but damn is it entertaining.

To retain respect for sausages and women, one must not watch them in the making.
Otto von Bismarck ---modified for context

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
Oscar Wilde

[OldGrump]

I hope this isn't getting too far off track, but IOP is a term that implies pretending. I am pretty down to earth and my relationships, even if for one hour, are honest and I would like to think my company is sincerely enjoyed by those I spend it with.

I'm under no illusion these lovely lades think I'm hot or even think of me and sex in the same context, but i do hope there is mutual enjoyment of our time spent together just as if we had met for a short elevator ride and chatted on the way up.

[pfmtony]

OG that mutual enjoyment is what makes it worth while.

Friday I spent a lot of time in a candle lit bubblebath and licking champagne off a super hot young lady. We were together enjoying our time and it wasn't about just sex.

It is the small things that matter even in the hobby. I may contact a provider because she does greek but its the smiling, hand holding, hugs etc that are needed to get there.

Call me crazy but I think one can have actual moments of passion. It's temporary and fleeting but it happens. Maybe its the quick smile or a glance, but it happens. Maybe its 10 minutes of crazy insane intense sex.... Sometimes its just the way a kiss is given.. or its the eye contact made when she is going down or when you go down.

That's why I hobby. Mind blowing orgasms on ocassion are just icing on the cake.

[Mesquitor]

Damn I love this thread!! So many things have been said that I could never have said so well.

For me, it's not all about the sex. It's about the quality of time shared.

Growing up I never saw my parents hold hands, kiss, or show any signs of affection toward each other. Never! In fact, they slept in separate bedrooms. I've had issues in three previous marriages where after awhile, I had no interest in sex with the SO, didn't hold hands, and dodged affection. I can't say why, just that it happened.

I've never had kids so I missed a young son or daughter climbing into your lap and going to sleep on your chest . . . giving you big hugs every day . . . none of this in a sexual way, just a sense of closeness with another person.

My hobbying has been limited because of funds and opportunities but, now in my upper 50's, I'm just figuring out that what I am seeking - no, "craving" - is the intimate closeness with a lady. Soft touching, gentle kisses, whispers, smiling at me with your eyes. I cannot think of any action that would be more fulfilling would be for me to meet a lady inside her door, she says nothing but gently moves up to give a slow, gently kiss on my lips while taking her hand and gently cupping my cheek. Just writing this almost almost brings a tear to my eye.

I believe that the ladies who are most successful in the hobbying world are those that recognize the needs of their clients beyond physical acts. But, it usually takes a couple of visits or more for the client to build up a certain level of trust in order to tell a provider those intimate details.

I lurk on this board much more than I post, and I try to build a little of that trust level just by reading their posts and developing an idea of their personality.

Wow, I feel like I just spent a session with a psychiatrist!

[Sir Lancehernot]

Originally Posted by Mesquitor

I cannot think of any action that would be more fulfilling would be for me to meet a lady inside her door, she says nothing but gently moves up to give a slow, gently kiss on my lips while taking her hand and gently cupping my cheek.

I believe that we are both acquainted with a woman who will do just that, thereby provoking just such a reaction.

EDIT: Oops. Just rechecked your reviews. I don't know if you know her or not. If you don't, you should definitely meet her.

I wonder, as good as she is, and as good as another lady or two or my acquaintance are, if they truly appreciate how special to some of us the time they spend with us, the things they do, can be. I don't see how; what is so special to us precisely because it is so rare is an everyday, sometimes several-times-a-day occurrence for them. It is a true testament to their skill and, maybe to some extent, their personalities, that they are able to take their everyday experiences and make them something special to their clients. In the end, I don't suppose that it really matters -- if she has the payment safely tucked away and has successfully imparted that feeling to us, does it really matter of she fully comprehends what she's done?

[DarthDVader]

Sir L ... Even tho they could have several acquaintances on a given day as you stated, all of us, ladies and hobbyists are humans with feelings ... Being a service it doesnt mean they dont truly enjoy the time together ... again, I know its a service but we as hobbyists have as well the capacity to provide a true extraordinary time for them so they even "forget it is a service" ...
Ladies ... am I right? Can some gents be your ATF? I know its possible ...

Originally Posted by Sir Lancehernot

I believe that we are both acquainted with a woman who will do just that, thereby provoking just such a reaction.

EDIT: Oops. Just rechecked your reviews. I don't know if you know her or not. If you don't, you should definitely meet her.

I wonder, as good as she is, and as good as another lady or two or my acquaintance are, if they truly appreciate how special to some of us the time they spend with us, the things they do, can be. I don't see how; what is so special to us precisely because it is so rare is an everyday, sometimes several-times-a-day occurrence for them. It is a true testament to their skill and, maybe to some extent, their personalities, that they are able to take their everyday experiences and make them something special to their clients. In the end, I don't suppose that it really matters -- if she has the payment safely tucked away and has successfully imparted that feeling to us, does it really matter of she fully comprehends what she's done?

[Sir Lancehernot]

Think of it like this: You've won the opportunity to be strapped into the back seat of Blue Angel #7, the two-seat F/A-18 that they use to give joy rides to dignitaries and media types. For you, it's the ride of a lifetime. For the pilot, it's just another day at the office. Granted, he has a lot more fun working in his office than I do in mine, but he's also not going to land and, after unstrapping you and helping you out of the airplane, echo your comment of, "Holy f'n' s&^%! That was f'n' awesome!"