On the side.

[bistraight69]

I have been married for 23 years I'll never forget the words of advice my father gave me when I told him about my plans to get married. Remember my father was the ultimate monger, he was a monger before there were mongers with his 4 marriages and divorces and his numerous girlfriends. He told me that at the beginning of your marriage you won't be watching training videos (porn) together but you will want to do those things in the videos so make sure you marry a girl that will eventually be willing to participate. You need her to be more then just the mother of your children or you'll be going down my road of not spending quality time with your mate, heartbreak and costly divorces.

Divorce means she would take half. Which in turn means you will no longer have the $$$ for your SB, GF, provider, etc. Ever heard of the saying, "It's cheaper to keep her!"

[Dakidone69]

This indeed has been a very interesting thread.
I somewhat agree with Scarlett, but not totally. Just because Al's wife isn't interested in sex doesn't mean she is Boning the mailman so to speak.

Al mentioned something in her past that she has had to grapple with.
Has anyone ever considered that she may very well be depressed?
One of the tell/tell signs of depression is a lack of wanting anything pleasurable.
Also, it sounds like she has checked out of most things in her life. She isn't helping to provide, doesn't clean or help with the house.
I just think all possibilities are out there.

[justhaveinfun]

Originally Posted by ScarlettKnight

Take it from a woman, she is cheating. That is what we do when something is missing, and maybe she just is not into you, she does not love you--we show you love and affection when we love you. But when we do not, you know it. More than likely you are the meal ticket, and the other guy takes care of her other needs. She is probably staying because of the kids and life is easier with you taking care of the financial needs. A woman who does not take care of the home or cook for her man, it is a sign. She does not want you nor does she love you.

Glass houses though, you can't exactly speak poorly of her when you are no angel. Might be best to take the guy's advice here and move on, because even though you are not fighting in front of the kids, they know. And that will mess them up in the future with relationships.

Thats what I'm saying your wife is doin some playing behind your back also. If your saying she is hot I can almost guarantee you she has a young stud that is pounding that shit. Not to put it like that but it is what it is. Im just call It as I read it. scarlett nailed it on the button.

[Longdongstrong]

As I said before, its a medical condition OR she is cheating. You need to DOUBLE check the cheating and tell her you want the two of you to get some help. Don't make this "her problem" or "she needs to be fixed".

Give her the benefit until proven wrong, and don't check unless you are willing to leave if she is cheating.

Its possible she's just got issues. But, its not likely. You owe it to her to check out both options. But make it clear, the status quo is not acceptable. She needs to participate in working together w/ a professional.

Lastly, I doubt she is "out of your league". If on your one break, another hottie attached to you - then dude THAT IS YOUR LEAGUE.

Good luck mate - many have walked in your shoes. But its your walk, your life. Go live it.

[rfl]

I hardly ever reply to anything, simply because I feel the least I put online, the least I have to worry about. But I had to reply to this. This is my same exact situation. Same thing, hot wife and kids. The sex stopped, my wife was doing exactly what was mentioned earlier... Not letting me see her naked, locking the door when she took baths, etc. I found out she was cheating. We worked on it and got good again. I did make the jump after 14 months of no sex, I saw my first provider and never felt bad for it. After she decided to stay with me and she snapped out of her mid life crisis she was having, it was like a light switch was flipped...everything was good. Sex came back. A year later, it stopped again but now, she doesn't care if I see her naked, she doesn't hide, she actually gives me BJs still (great but no sex isn't). Frankly she says its because I'm overweight. Which makes sense, I am, but it doesn't make sense that she was going all out with sex with me a year ago and I was the same weight.

Anyway, I want my wife but she just flat out refuses to have sex with me. Its miserable. I don't want to leave and get destroyed financially and hurt my kids. But there's no sex. I'm not happy that's for sure. I am trying to lose weight but it's not gonna fall off overnight.

[albundy]

UGH!!! Another example of the bullshit I deal with happened today. I'm working nights right now and I woke up at 1PM. The kids weren't home. My wife was on the recliner sleeping, as usual, and doing jack-shit. She said "I have a headache. I just want to rest." Which, amazingly, her headaches only appear when there is work or sex to be done. She did look smoking hot laying there though. SHIT!!! She's 40 and looks 25. SUCKS!!! Anyway, I go to my parent's house where my kids are and my mom says "She dropped them off because she had work to do in the house". LOL!!!!! I didn't say anything to my mom but this is typical.

Also, I know I'm a hypocrite, OK. The thing is, I DON"T WANT TO CHEAT!!!! I F-CKING HATE THAT I"M A CHEATER!!! The fact that she puts me in this situation makes me resent her even more. I love the intimacy of being with someone you know. As I said earlier, I don't like change. I also don't care much for variety. When I see a new provider I'm usually nervous and the experience isn't as good as when it's with someone I've seen before. I would rather see one woman regularly. That includes providers. Of course, with providers, that is hard to accomplish because of their travel schedule, the way they suddenly disappear from the hobby, their rates and my job situation. Ideally, if I'm forced to rely on just providers, I want the same one every time. I feel it adds to the experience and sometimes you can kind of build a friendship (as close a friendship as possible when the only reason they're seeing you to begin with is for cash that is, not that I blame them. It's their job.)

Now that school is over and baseball is over and the schedule is somewhat clear, I've decided that on Sunday, if things work out, I'll confront her again about the cleaning and about sex. Last time I did, she said I thought we decided this already. I was like "Uh, OK. What exactly did we decide?" She didn't answer. I asked her when will we have sex again. At first she said never, then wouldn't commit. and flip-flopped. When I ask her this time, I'll tell her "Think really hard before you answer. You say never and I will IMMEDIATELY go out and find someone to f-ck. Guaranteed. I'm not waiting a f-cking year or longer for a divorce. I've waited long enough." I want to see how she responds to that kind of bluntness. I know some of you think she's cheating. It WOULD seem that way. But knowing what I know, I still find that hard to believe. Nothing's impossible though.

[KellyRocks]

You are blaming her for the choices you are making.You are the only one accountable for your own actions. If this is how you approach her then I can see why she is turned off and has a headache. I think you both need to cut the losses and move on. At this point you are probably both bitter regardless of cheating or not. There will be no going back because of the resentment that has been breeding. Do her and yourself a favor, get a divorce as amicably as you can, then get happy.

[albundy]

I agree Scarlett, it would probably be the smart option to divorce. Problem is, my kids come first. I know people think kids can pick up on the tension. Maybe, but I don't think they do. We act like we're the happiest couple you've ever seen, even in front of the kids. It's only when we're alone the true feelings are exposed. Additionally, financially, it would be DISASTROUS at this time.


You mention me blaming her for the choices I made. But the choices I made about cheating are 100% because of her not "putting out"...ever. Do women that do that think the guy will just jack-off forever? When I see a guy like Arnold get busted for cheating on Maria, I always think: Is he a dog? Or is he just in a sexless situation where he wants to keep his family together but is tired of jacking-off all of the time? To me, there's a HUGE difference there. Girls don't see it that way, apparently. They think, generally, you cheat, you're a dog. End of story. The woman is never to blame, just the victim. You have no idea how much I hate cheating. Even though she gives me NO affection whatsoever I always feel guilty later after seeing another woman. Also, you mentioned how I approach her. I approach her nicely and lovingly constantly. Even in the face of coldness. It's only when I've reached the breaking point that I get blunt or rude about it.

Here's the bottom line: Believe it or not, I love her. I always will. We DID have something great. She will always be the mother of my children and at times, can be sweet and fun to be around. I don't think there's another woman out there that has the capacity to make me as happy as she could, if she wanted to. I wouldn't have the history, kids, and other experiences there with someone else. She can be great, when she wants to and will always be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I know it seems like I don't love her, but I do. She can make me seething mad one moment, and the next, make me so happy and love her so much I can't imagine being with anyone else. It's just the happy part of that equation has been sorely lacking for a while now.

[Old Horn Dog]

You've gotten a lot of advice here & some of it sounds pretty good to me.

I have none to offer except this: I try very hard to be the one person I don't fool. I don't always succeed, but I keep trying. Self-awareness doesn't come easily to me & sometimes I've confused it w/self-absorption. I can only encourage you to do the same: do what seems right to you, whether or not based on what others here have advised, but do it w/your eyes open, not b/c you're fooling yourself. You owe yourself the honesty to make decisions, regardless of what they are, knowing you've made them from the right perspective.

This from a man whose own non-existent domestic situation has been so fucked-up for so long that it may never change; a source of considerable sadness for me. And lastly: remember, any advice I give you is worth EXACTLY what you paid for it...

[Guest040816]

I can understand him not wanting to put his kids through divorce.
He wants to spend time with them,,,
A divorce can make the strongest go insane,,,

[rfl]

I should have gotten a divorce. What she did, I don't know anyone who would have taken what I took and still fight for her. But I did it for my kids. People can say the kids will be better in the end. But I can say I did every single thing possible to keep my marriage. And I'm PROUD of that.

Yes, I did start seeing providers because of this, but you gotta understand she could care less at the time. She refused ALL sex for 22 months. YEP! I went 22 months without her. So, yes, I made the decision to see a provider. But it sure was 100% because of her actions. And, realize that I found out about her cheating, and she still stayed with the guy for 6 months after I found out.

[albundy]

I kind of wish she was cheating. It would help my life to make sense actually. I think I would feel mad, of course, because here I am jacking-off, feeling guilty about providers, and saving money for long periods of time just to fuck for an hour, and she's giving it up to someone else while I live in Hell. But, on the other hand, it would be nice to know she has normal sexual desires (which I question if she does). She seems to have no need for romance or anything. She doesn't like those types of shows, books, movie, etc. and never did. Some of the things I hear her say when we watch dating shows and stuff like that makes me question her understanding of men and desire for sex and/or romance at all.

She has shown me glimpses in the past. One time, a couple of years ago, she was taking a bath and the door was slightly open. I went in and kneeled down on the side of the tub and started kissing her. She has had a few kids and breastfed them and still looks incredible! I went down on her (a rare occurrence because of her being self-conscious). She really got into it. We took it to the bedroom where I continued on her. She got off really good. She pulled me up and was kissing hard and we made love until I finished inside her. Or so I thought I was finished. She jumped on top and started riding fast and hard back and forth. After finishing, we cuddled for hours. After that wonderful experience I thought I was high. I couldn't believe how good I felt. I thought after THAT, we will surely be making love regularly. Right? HA!!! Yeah, sure. One time only, buddy. Back to jacking-off. WTF? I know it's POSSIBLE for her after that, but her guard is ALWAYS up. But those RARE glimpses give me at least SOME hope.

[albundy]

Holy cow! I just realized I wrote a "Rest Of Story". Oh well. Good to be anonymous on here.

[Dakidone69]

Well Al, this dead horse has been beaten!!
I think there's no more advice to be given.....but for what it's worth, I just banged the shit out of my side piece literally just minutes ago...I'll sleep good now!!
Nightie Night!!

[albundy]

I'm not necessarily looking for advice. If some is given it's appreciated. I really just wanted a place to vent where no one knows me and to hear about others that are in a similar situation. That's all.

Congrats on the pussy by the way.