Quote:
Originally Posted by stimulatethemind
Ari, I agree wholeheartedly on the "mutual respect" comment. That is a huge component of any successful relationship, be it friendship, romantic or otherwise.
I would be curious to get your take on what are the boundaries which must be respected when there is a real emotional connection between the two people, particularly when both parties are single and unattached.
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The boundaries to respect are the ones set out in the professional relationship, unless otherwise agreed upon. These may not be initially verbal. May be assumed by the basis on which you are meeting, her website info, previous posts etc.
A couple of quick examples that come to mind:
If a provider's expectation are "x" then unless asked to stay longer off the clock, you shouldn't. If just an assumed thing, she will likely end up seeing it as you taking advantage of her time and kindness, because you are. I have found the people who do this push it further and further all of the time, making me feel like I can't be generous one day without it being an expectation the next.
Provider's shouldn't assume that because a gentleman is single that they are available to be called, texted, asked for favors etc. unless that door is opened by the hobbyist. He may not want to have that type of a relationship with you.
I am single but not available to date outside of the hobby. I like my hobby boyfriends and our arrangements. It is as much to protect the hobbyist as it is me. All of the men I see are some combination of successful, smart, witty, passionate, loving, intriguing, sexy, generous, wealthy, all around great catches. I wouldn't spend time with them if I didnt think so.
I can't just dangle my heart haphazardly to be crushed by someone who is most often married and looking for me to fill a certain spot. Nor is it okay for me to seduce them from their marriage when they only signed up for a fling. Not saying everyone should fly by those rules...just helps me to keep things straight. Plus, I make a much better mistress than I do a wife.
In every situation where lines have become fuzzy...the best is coming to an end. Boundaries can change and evolve...they just need to remain clear and be defined. Respecting someone is taking the initiative to make sure this happens. I guess in a nutshell open communication.
