NFL and Houston Texans Superthread: Are we ready for some football?

[Satin]

Daddio, you should call in on the Kubiak show tomorrow man. Maybe on J&R (Josh and Rich at 2)

You can also call their "whiner line"... It's cool and you can really go off!! It's 713-881-5480....it would be epic!!!

[TheDon]

Shit, they'd probably put his ass on hold for 40 minutes and Daddio will just end up ripping John and Rich....He should totally do it, I'd listen to that!

[TheDon]

Honestly, after what happened today, all across the league, if the Texans really want to make the playoffs, in two weeks on Monday Night, all we need to do is send some "goons" from our front 7 (anyone but JJ) and just have one of those Fucker's take out Andrew Luck's knee, tear that Fucking ACL and we are back in business

C'mon Jarek Crick and Earl Mitchel, lets end a motherfucker's season in 2 weeks

[DarthMaul]

Originally Posted by BigLouie

With that one TD pass Schaub's career with Texans is over

I concur, Big Louie!

[kerwil62]

Originally Posted by Daddio

Get rid of the fucking CUNT head coach!!!! That bitch doesn't even know you actually have to score more points than the other team to win!!! He passed out before the half and didn't try for points. He pusses out on 4th and 1 and kicked a long field goal to make it close. He pusses out and keeps his mobile QB in the pocket like a dopey sitting duck. Kubes didn't get queened but he fucked himself and all of us season ticket holders.

FUCK YOU KUBEs!!!! Come on McNuttless pull the Mfing trigger!!!!!

I even predict that if he stays, Cuntiak will go back to you know who as QB!!!

Fuck you Kubiak!!!

Kubes press conference, "our kids played hard, we were almost there and tried real hard, I am giving ribbons out for our effort, close is all I wanted, if we keep it close I know we will have a chance to win the game, we just needed to make a play like a Peyton manning would make, we know we had a QB that tried to do some things but I wanted him to stay in the pocket and throw it quick to our TE's. I forgot that the kid was mobile but wanted to protect him from harm and run my Dopey special plays. It's on me.

Eat my ass KuBES!!

Originally Posted by Daddio

Just listened to "inside the headset" with Gary Cuntiak, his bullshit was almost identical to what I said above. What a predictable little twat!! It should be inside the headset with the coach without a fucking brain.

Now the colts beat the broncos, no Cush, McNuttless owner, Cuntiak is McNuttless's cabana boy and slathers up the owner with sun tan lotion and teabaggin, no way he fires the cunt stain Waffle House dick gobbling bitch of a coach. That would be a bold move, McNuttless is not bold at all.

To sum it up "Geronimo!!!!!!!"

It will be interesting to see what the Scarecrow Cuntiak does at QB, the city will go ape fucking shit if he goes back to Dopey like I suspect he will. Stick a fork in this season boys we're done.

At least fire the mother fuckin special teams dipshit of a coach.

Originally Posted by Daddio

Big Louie, I agree completely but why give the spunk swallower another chance? Haven't we seen this story too many fucking times? It's like the movie Groundhog Day!!! The definition of insanity is when you do the same thing over and over again and expect different results!!! Get rid of the bitch now!!!!

I didn't even have to say a muthafuckin' word.

Keenum did look good out there, but those blitzes were too much.

Put a fork in this season for the Texans, they're done.

[Solemate62]

Often times, these Billionaire owners, they fail to do what we common folk deem to be obvious, and that is to Fire an incompetent coach and it can be explained in two simple ways:

1. They are rich fuckers, the team is their collectible toy AND they know nothing about football and what makes a great franchise, thus they hate to delegate major managerial decisions to a General Manager!

2. These same rich fuckers have egos larger than the state of Texas - thus, when they finally fire a bad coach it is usually too late in a season to reverse course! Firing their hand picked and cultivated Boy is an admission that he made a mistake. Egomaniacs can NOT stand to own up to a mistake! Look at how long it took Super Egomaniac Jones to fire Wade Phillips! Daddio's 'McFuck' is no different! Jones and McFuck could be identical twins separated at birth!

[Daddio]

Boys, I don't call in much on the sports talk shows because I can't cuss and fully express my venom, sorry.

Soulmate, I agree about the rich fuckers, but the Rich Fucker in Dallas actually wants to win, our rich fucker just wants to relax and have a good image and promote titty awareness and wear pink!!

But as a special treat I will give you an actual quote from the Chronicle and then give you the Daddio translation.

Chron - McNair finds a lot to praise despite defeat.
Actual - I can't fire my cabana boy Kubes, he licks my balls so good

Chron - McNair "The talent is certainly there, but the ball hasn't bounced our way yet. It's hard, because we're better than our record, but you are what your record is. We've got to get it going.
Actual - McNuttless "We have great talent, I like it when long dong Rick Smith packs my fudge, then Kubes comes in with that Gene Simmons tounge and licks me all over. They are so talented at that, drafting good pass rushing Linebackers not so much, but who cares I'm getting paid and I like to be teabagged. I don't care who the coach is, as long as my balls can bounce the right way on Kube's chin. Who cares it's only one season. I wonder what David Carr is doing that pretty boy could suck a mean dick, I miss him and his pretty hair. Oh yea and maybe we will win or get it going next week, who do we play? What I won't make any money off the fans. Kubes on your knees please.

Chron - McNair "I'm discouraged we lost. We played extremely hard against a good club. Give them credit. If we keep playing the way we played today, we'll win a lot of games.
Actual - I'm a little bummed we lost. We played hard, I got a chubby, Give them credit, they actually know what the fuck they are doing and look like they are coached or something. I wonder what it would feel like to have that big husky KC coach sit on my face, oooh weee I bet that is heaven, maybe I can get Wade to do that to me!!! If we keep playing the way we played today we will ALMOST win a lot of meaningless games. My boy will keep em all close games so my chubby still throbs almost all 4 quarters. Hey Rick Smith, come over here and give me hand job and let me tug you a little too until Kubes is here. As I tug it, you dream of what college Linebacker we can draft that will almost get a sack next year. Or a slow mfing inside LB too.

Chron - Kubiak explained "I tried to approach the game with what I think he does best, and I had one week to do it. So we went to the pistol and tried to get him out there where he could see really well. We functioned with the ball well. We didn't have any problems with snaps or anything. We didn't have any turnovers until the end of the game. So for a team that really made a big change I liked the way we functioned.
Actual - I tried to use my brain and it hurt. I actually had to Coach this week, This Case guy has only been here one week right? Some people think he has been here 2 years, but he has really just been holding Schaub's jock strap, I had to teach him how to catch the snap this week. I am glad that kid QB has wheels as the only thing we did on offense is because he made a mother fucking play. I only have a couple of plays on this menu, where is the side of bacon? You know the kid is not fully grown he is prolly only 5'10" I like it when he stayed in the pocket in the second half and I am so glad he didn't get hurt although it's a shame he didn't get a little bit nicked up so I can go back to my crossed eyed buddy in a couple of weeks. We completed 100% of our snaps today, good thing we practice that on almost every play. We completed 60% of our passes today also that's gotta be record right? What is it when one of our guys catches it in the end zone? Is that worth 3 points too? I like 3 points. If we would have only kicked it 6 times we win the dang game right? Is 18 more than 17? We didn't have any turnovers until it really mattered so I'm good with that, I try to put them in a position to turn it over more often but the kid outsmarted me today. I look forward to having my buddy back in a couple of weeks, He gets what I want done earlier in the game and doesn't fuck around and dang near throw over one of our guys that every once in while runs a long way from the huddle. Damn I am a good coach, a bunch of field goals and one of those other things that count for points, or effort ribbons, or a tap on the head from the owner. I am proud of the way our boys played today, now when they grow up and have hair on their testicles we might even come close to winning again. I need some "Pubes for Kubes!!"

Daddio "Fuck em all!!! I'm out!!!!

[Solemate62]

Wow! You are the Bomb my man! What I can't fathom is how you find the TIME to come up with these mega-diatribes, BUT keep them coming, Pleazeeeeee!

[Daddio]

Did we ever move the pocket? NO!!!
Did we ever max protect? NO!!!
Did we give Fig Newton any help with that bad ass pass rusher on KC? NO!!!
Did we ever throw deep on a short drop? Yes TD to Hopkins!!!
Did we try it again? NO!!!
Did we have a good pass play and catch and run? Yes Posey and the bomb to Hopkins!!!
Did we ever try it again? NO!!!
Did we call any other plays that worked? NO!!!!
Does our O line suck? FUCK YES!!!
Is Pubes a dipshit? FUCK YES!!!!
Is our Owner Nutless? FUCK YES!!!!!
Can we beat the Colts? FUCK NO!!!
Can we beat the Broncos? FUCK NO!!!
Can we beat the Patriots? FUCK NO!!
Can we beat the Jags? "I'll put em in the position to win the game if they make a play or 2" says Coach Pubes!!

Hats off to Keenum, he played well early in the game when "HE MADE PLAYS FROM NOTHING" NO MFING HELP FROM PUBES!!!!

Hey Cuntiak, "YOU"RE FIRED"!!! I almost jizzed myself when Sportscenter came on with breaking news, I was so hoping for it to say Cuntiak was out but it was only Jim Leyland resigning as Tigers skipper.

Geronimo!!!! Who's with me? BT?? Count to three and jump!!!

[Wakeup]

Originally Posted by Daddio

Can't believe I am about to say this but I wish we had Bud Adams!!!

If you can resurrect him before Houston football fans find out where he's buried and piss on his grave...

http://blog.chron.com/ultimatetexans...ud-adams-dies/

[Satin]

Well, just what I needed to start my week off right. Good job Big Daddy!!

FYI, the whiner line is not "live" radio but a number you can call and leave a message bitching and complaining about whatever you want....even football!! You can say whatever bro and they will play it back. If you call, I can assure you yours will be played back!

To add insult to injury, we now have serious injury issues: Cush, Manning, Foster, Tate, Dopey (hmmm)....maybe we should just cancel the whole fucking season and ask for our money back. You think McNutless would do it Daddio?

[Trey]

The season is over. Not even halfway point yet but it's over. Colts win division unless someone shoots Andrew lol. I have doubts on beating jags twice if they put the slob back in as qb. Since we should be in the top ten on the draft guess we can start looking at prospects. Sad year when you go from superbowl dreams to "who's coming up in the draft?" Before it's halfway done.

[Solemate62]

Condolences to Houston on the Bud Adams death! yeah, I realize he is reviled by many for taking off to Nashville BUT he did bring a franchise to Houston in the 1960s and, contributed much to the community! RIP!

[Wakeup]

Fuck him...

[Solemate62]

Wakeup, you are totally merciless!! Anyway, is that not necrophilia?